My plate is full.
Knowing this and acknowledging it are often two different things. On some days that simple four word sentence feels exhilarating. On other days, like yesterday, it feels overwhelming. I know myself. I know that I tend to work better and feel more fulfilled when I have more on my plate versus less on my plate. But every so often, I feel cross eyed. I’m feeling cross eyed this week. Anyone relate?
Holidays are upon us. Kids need taxing from Tae Kwan Do to Youth Group to Art Class back to Tae Kwan Do. I’m starting this week to write a weekly column for Babble. In the next month, I’ll also start contributing to another website that will be rich and fun. But woah, I’m going from managing my blog to writing for three?! (Is that even possible, I have to wonder.)
My show with Disney launched this week. There are more big projects in the pipeline that need tending and development. Our CONFIDENCE Teachers started teaching their workshops, and our weekly mentoring calls are rich and real. Pascaline’s sixth grade Math is no joke. Blazey’s reading is taking off. Going to Egypt is possibly in January (yes, Egypt, another crazy story).
Do you ever get nervous to sit down with a friend and tell them how life is for fear of them thinking you have lost your mind? I do. I remember my counselor once saying, “Me Ra, your sense of balance and speed may be another person’s extreme. That has to be okay. Your life has looked extreme to others from the beginning. If you can be okay with who you are it will change everything.” But why do we still struggle with that lurking shame or fear of judgement?
My anchors are what tell me if I’m going upside down. So far so good, but I’m leaning over the boat of life a lot more these days, peering into the water, and checking to see if those anchors are being pulled up from the strong new currents in life.
In all the craziness, my morning walks help me breathe. I’ve been taking time to get low, walk slow and capture details that give my soul oxygen.
My yoga classes help me stretch and send breath to where I feel locked up, either in my body or heart. Homeschool helps me say “pause” to all the demands of work, for that certain window of time, so I can be present with the kids.
Brian and I have found another anchor together. Since August 1st, we have been reading Joshua 1 together and then setting the timer for four minutes to wait on God, to listen, to quiet ourselves. This daily routine has become our strongest anchor of all.
And in it all, with the Disney show, the blog writing, mentoring our beautiful teachers, being mom and most of all, wife, it seems like the time I take to be quiet–that time–is what enables me to fully embrace every challenge. Taking the time never feels easy. I often leave for my morning walk feeling like I’d get so much more done if I skipped it today. And EVERY TIME Brian and I sit down to pray, there is this initial stress that we simply don’t have time for doing this with all we have to do.
But somehow that time enables perspectives to shift. The soul quiets itself. The holidays and to-do list don’t seem as demanding. The projects become a gift again rather than a burden or stress. And when I look at my kids, I’m really looking at them.
Are you an extreme person? Do you ever feel judged by friends that you simply do to much? How do you know if you are doing to much or not? What are your anchors when the wind and waves start to shake your boat? What is one anchor you could make time for this week?
The holidays are a crazy time. Many of us with big hearts set out to do wonderful things. And somewhere in it, shame and guilt start to pester us. Do you know what I’m saying? If it’s not guilt for doing enough, it’s guilt for doing to much. Anyone hear me? But if I can connect with that peace that tells me I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, those voices don’t have room. Connecting with that peace comes from the anchors. Let’s stay a step ahead together this month.
When the voices of shame and guilt creep up to tell you how upside down your life is, and in doing so, begin to rob all your joy and fulfillment, what is one anchor that you could see from the boat’s railing to remind yourself that your boat isn’t upside down. And in fact, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
Give it everything you have, heart and soul…don’t get off track, either left or right, so as to make sure you get to where you’re going. Strength! Courage! Don’t be timid; don’t get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take.
-Joshua 1 goodness