I know it’s late in the day for a blog post, but I kept thinking about some of you this morning and couldn’t shake it.  As I walked this morning, I was thinking about Facebook, Twitter and all the other vehicles of Social Media, it’s easy to always put success out there for people to see.  But we all know that behind every single success is a hundred rejections.  At least, those have been the numbers I’ve experienced.  And yet, we don’t often tweet about our failures.  I have yet to see a photographer tweet “Just lost a wedding to someone else, feel like a loser.”    If we are going for our dreams, wholeheartedly, we are bound to experience rejection, let downs, excited expectations falling through to disappointment.  These let downs can be super big or really small, but if we don’t do “something” with them…we will start to feel swallowed by them.

When Brian and I were shooting weddings, I would pour my heart into the consultation phone calls with brides.  Every time I got off the phone, I felt so vulnerable.  I wasn’t trying to sell them a product, I was selling them on ME.  Can you get more vulnerable?  Some clients won’t book you because of pricing or other logistics.  But you know those times you meet a bride or talk with her over the phone, and you think “I’m meant to book this wedding.  I’ve got this.”  And they end up booking another photographer to your surprise.  Those disappointing moments are the ones I’m talking about.  When the bride would book us,  I’d see the heavens open up and hear the angels reaffirm I was a great wedding photographer.  But when the bride decided to go with someone else, uff, the fall was so hard and I would wonder if I should just give up our business all together.  No in between, extreme reactions all the way around.

This kind of roller coaster became TOTALLY exhausting.  I realized I needed to do something with my disappointment.  So I started an exercise for myself.

When a booking fell through–one that I really believed in–I recorded the date on my calendar.  Weddings are often booked 9-18 months out.  I knew that if I didn’t record the date, I’d never remember.  And you know what I found?  Eight out of ten times, something else ended up happening on those same dates!!  Not even something else, but something more important.  Sometime we’d end up shooting a bigger wedding, one year my dad was in a car accident and I was so thankful I ended up being in town that week, the “more important” came in all shapes and sizes.  Seeing this happen enough times started to build my faith that there is a greater plan outside the moment of rejection.  The client’s decision to go with another photographer wasn’t always about me or my talent.  Do you know what I mean?

Here is a recent example of how this still happens for me…

Last month, I released Florida Mini Sessions.  I have always sold out our Mini Sessions no matter what city I’m in.  And for some reason, no one was booking a Mini for Florida.  I felt the shadows creep toward me with those accusing voices “No one in Florida wants you to take their family photo.  You are a failure.  You should be embarrassed.”  etc. etc.  Instead of letting those persistent voices get the best of me, I wrote down the date on my calendar–wondering if something else was meant to happen instead.  Only time would tell.

Weeks later, The Nate Berkus Show asked me to come back for one last taping with Nate.  (so sad his show is ending soon)  The date of the taping happened to be the day before the Minis in Florida were supposed to happen.  If I had booked those Minis in Florida, it would have been so hard to be in NYC first and then get to Florida in time.  On top of that, I was battling my first big head cold of the winter.  When Nate walked toward me on set, I felt like he was floating in midair because I had so much cold medicine and cough suppressant in me to get through the taping.  But I would have been so sad to miss this last taping.  I’ve come to love his whole crew.  We’ve worked together for two years.  And even the sound guys, I simply adore.

But when the taping was over, I crashed hard.  I spent most of Friday in the hotel bed sleeping, trying to recover for the workshop the next day.  And by Saturday morning I felt FANTASTIC, like a new woman.  But I can’t imagine trying to do four Mini Shoots in the mix of that.

Last night, another situation unfolded.  This one was much bigger.  It’s a project that I had worked on for over nine months.  When I got word last year that the project was falling through, I was devastated.  So much time, and at the moment, it all felt like wasted time.  I wrote the dates down with disappointment wrapped around me.  But last night, a few things happened that made everything clear.  And this morning I walked with the dog, thanking God for closing that door last year.

As an artist, one who supports her family and builds a life around creating, I must believe that there is a Creator that is bigger than me.  I must believe that when things fall through, there may be more to the future story…instead of letting the taunting voices tell me I’ve failed.  A beginning artist experiences failure and instantly sees this as a reflection of her art and abilities.  Sadly, she is often convinced to stop creating.  A seasoned artist experiences the same amount of failure, if not more, and sees this as evidence of her tenacity despite the lack of guarantees.

The next time you lose a wedding or a portrait session or a proposal to someone else, write the date down that it would have happened.  And together, we will wait in expectation of what is yet to unfold.  In the meant time, keep creating.

Let’s encourage each other.  If you’ve experienced rejection or disappointment in the last six months, tell us if you are still pushing forward and creating in the comments below.  The key:  Not allowing shame to have a place as you pursue your dreams.

xo,

m

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*Early Bird Discount for SPRING Workshops is LIVE!  CLICK HERE to grab your seat and a 20% Discount!

Seattle was in the middle of a HUGE snow storm as I tried to make my way home from Costa Rica last week.  My flight from Houston to Seattle was cancelled.  But not only my flight, every flight was being cancelled. The airline said they could get me home by Monday.  Well, that was a little stressful since our Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop was going to start Saturday morning.  With angry people all around me and a counter of exhausted and stressed airline employees, I raised my hand and said “Who Still Has a Little Hope Left?”  Did people look at me like I was crazy?  Absolutely.  But here is what happened.  I sent this email to our workshop ladies;

HELLO LADIES!!!!!!!!

I’m writing to you with the BIGGEST smile on my face!  I’m actually stuck in Houston, STILL!   (workshop is STILL happening, no stress, keep reading) 

Brian and I always fly separate, and he got home great on Wed.  I got in to Houston last night with no problems and then found out my flight to Seattle was cancelled.  I came back to the airport at 7:30am this morning, and I’ve been on standby ever since.  There was a 9:30am flight, but 35 ticket holders for that flight didn’t even get on because it was oversold.  This means they are all in front of me for the next flight and the one after and the one after.  All flights today are sold out, overbooked and have a wait list of 75 plus people on standby.  Nothing is available until Monday. 

BUT, YES, THE WORKSHOP IS HAPPENING!!!  HECK YES!!!  Why?  I HAVE A PASSPORT!!!  I walked up to the airline Customer Service with seven agents sitting behind their computers.  They were all exhausted from dealing with ANGRY customers.  I stood in front of all of them and said “Who is feeling the most optimistic right now?”  They looked at me like I was crazy!  And then I said “Who has a little bit of hope left?”  One lady raises her hand and says “I’ve still got some hope in me.”  “Perfect!” I said.  “You are my woman.  I need someone with hope because I need a miracle to happen!”  She has been helping me for the last three hours, and we realized I have a passport with me from Costa Rica!  This means, worst case scenario, that I fly to Vancouver BCC at 9pm tonight, and then I fly from Vancouver to Seattle at 8am tomorrow!  So, I might come to the workshop wearing the same thing I’ve worn for three days, but you don’t care, right?!  No, just kidding, Brian will bring me clothes.   

Bottom line, I’m DETERMINED to find a way to all of you!  Worst case scenario right now is that we start the workshop two hours late and go later into tomorrow evening.

So as we prepare for this weekend, I want you all to start opening your hearts to all the possibilities of this weekend.  There are wonderful things in store, things that we don’t even know about yet.  Surprises and much goodness.  Regardless of what the odds are, I take it as a sign of confirmation that we are all in the right place at this moment.  (even if that place is Houston! ) 

There is one thing I know for sure.  When there are challenges before a workshop, it ALWAYS means there are amazing things in store for that weekend.  Every time!  The airlines once lost our luggage and all our workshop materials.  Brian and I showed up empty handed, but that was one of the most powerful weekends we ever had.  And this little flight issue is just the same.  With GREAT anticipation, I will see you in the morning ladies! 

Much love,

Me Ra

If you can believe it, a seat popped open.  That wonderful lady behind the counter got so excited as she kept looking and looking, before I knew it she was determined for me.  And instead of flying to Canada, she got me on a First Class seat to Denver and then to Seattle (with crowds of people on standby in both places).  As I walked into my home Friday night, I fell on the floor and started laughing from sheer exhaustion and adrenaline.  I was home; the workshop was going to happen the next day!

The Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop was our first workshop of 2012.  What a POWERFUL weekend it was.  As I met the ladies and heard their stories, we soon realized that this workshop was supposed to happen that weekend.  The timing was key for so many of the women.  It was a divine timing to say the least.

Why am I sharing this with all of you?  Well, it’s a great story…don’t you think?    No, seriously, I think our dream building is often like my situation at the airport.  Everyone is telling you there isn’t any way to get home.  People who are wanting to build their dreams (or get home) are angry because things aren’t working out.  Their stress is escalating, and you can easily feel drawn in to just give up and join them at the Sky Highway Bar for a shot of whiskey.  The people who are there to help you don’t look like they have any energy or desire left to help.  And yet, you don’t need a ton of people to help.  Sometimes you only need one.  And a little bit of hope goes a long way.

As we embark on 2012, tenacity is the name of the game for dream building.  As life presents you opportunities to be tenacious, take them and run.  It’s a muscle that will come in handy as you take your dreams to the next level.  And if everyone around you says, “might as well cancel your plans–just look around”…take a moment to step outside, pause, and listen to your heart.  Yes, it’s always easier to cancel when the odds are against us.  And the odds are often against us when we are trying to build an impossible dream.  But does anything in your heart say the impossible can still happen?  If yes, take flight!  You are in good company!

All my love to the Seattle CONFIDENCE ladies!  Watching the transformation in you this last weekend was breath taking and divine.  Thank you for starting my 2012 year of workshops off on such a powerful, rich note!

Cheers to HOPE and Beating the Odds!

xo,

m

Does Your City Need CONFIDENCE?

Where should we bring CONFIDENCE this Spring?  Our Spring workshop planning is here!  Where should we be in April and May?  Does your city need a CONFIDENCE Workshop?  Have you been reading about the workshops for the last five years and feel like it’s time to give yourself a creative weekend that will refresh and inspire you?  If so, what city do you want us to come too?  I’m going to post a poll on Monday but feel free to submit your city in the comments today and this weekend!

We only have a few spots left in our Southern CA Workshop in March.  CLICK HERE for details.  Florida is SOLD OUT! (woot-woot!)

Today is only the 9th day of the New Year, but I must admit 2012 feels different than what I expected.  The last couple years, I’ve been gung-ho on making new resolutions.  The motivation behind making new resolutions feels like a loud energy.  In the past, the new SOAR! year would start to build with applications in November, growing with anticipation in December, and then exploding into a new beginning in January.  By taking this year off of the SOAR Scholarship, wow, I didn’t realize how much of the holidays we had missed the last couple years.  This year the holidays were rich in rest and quiet.  But I think I still expected myself to be building in energy, especially that  “take charge” energy when January 1st arrived.  Instead, I’ve rolled into this year feeling super quiet.  The quiet is almost unsettling.

It’s uncomfortable to feel something different than what you expected.  Instead of just accepting that I jump to conclusions.  Something must be wrong with me.  I check my pulse.  (Am I alive?  Why am I so quiet?)  I ask Brian if I’m depressed.  As the question rolls off my tongue I start laughing because I know I’m not depressed at all.  Ahhh, I’m already starting the New Year with temptation to feel like a failure!….And off my mind goes, jumping from one silly conclusion to the next.  (Does anyone relate?  It’s like I’ve turned into crazy woman because I feel quiet inside and quiet is not what I expected to feel like.  How does Brian survive me?)

Well, good news.  I decided to go with the quiet. There is a saying that hangs on the wall at the yoga studio; “Start from where you are.”  It’s so simple, but so powerful.  Where am I?  I’m in a quiet place.  This is where I should start.

With camera in hand, I went on a long walk, looking for quiet details.  I wanted to find beauty in the stillness–beauty I often miss because life is moving so fast.

I didn’t expect to find the desires of my heart.  The golden leaves holding on to the burning bush in full splendor.

The bare branches reaching up into the white, blank sky with a fearlessness.

As I finished my walk, I realized I had gone searching for vision.  I didn’t want to miss the beauty in the quietness. I didn’t want to keep jumping to conclusions because I never took a moment to pause with my camera…with myself.  Before I took a single photo of someone else this year, I wanted to make sure I took one for myself–of myself.  The embrace of starting from where I am, capturing what I see today (and not what I think I should see) will be the roots that hold me in the coming year.

So, the photography exercise for the New Year is simple, quiet and possibly necessary for the artist soul.  It is all about starting from where we are.

1.  Carve out 10 minutes of quiet space with a blank sheet of paper and pen.

2. Write down three things you expected to feel in the New Year.  Now write down what you do feel.  Are they the same?  If they are not the same, take note.

3. Take your camera and a small pocket size notebook and go for a 30-45 minute walk.  Walk slow and notice the details surrounding you.  What captures you?  What in nature or surrounding objects reflects the space you find yourself in this New Year?  What can you photograph that symbolizes how this New Year feels.

4.  Pause.  Listen.  Shoot.

5.  For just a minute, write what message is being spoken to you?  What acceptance is available to you that you may not have noticed before?

As 2012 starts, I want to start from where I am–not where I think I should be.  I want to start the year aware of all the riches I hold within me, instead of feeling inadequate.  I want to practice finding truth in what feels unfamiliar.  I want to venture into the unknown, even when it looks completely different than what I expected.  I want to take the next step forward, no matter how small, rather than retreat to what is familiar.  I want to be true to myself, so I can lift up my family and loved ones inspiring them to be true to who they are.  I want to be humble enough to start from where I am, regardless of what outcome I fear or hunger.

I want to reach out from the burning bush and feel my spirit set ablaze.

If you feel inspired to try this exercise this week, I would LOVE to see your photos and hear what you discover.  You can email me or even better, post them on my FB page so we can all find comfort and inspiration in knowing we walk this journey together.

To the most wonderful community, I walk into the mysteries of 2012 with you.

xo,

m

p.s.  My DSLR Settings for the Photos in Today’s Post…Camera: SONY a900 DSLR and the 85mm fixed lens / 100 ISO, f/1.4 Aperture and Shutter Speed at 250th of a second.

p.s.s.  Only a few spots left in Seattle CONFIDENCE Wkshp this month!  CLICK HERE for Details!

I heard the invitation last week.  The quiet beckoning that comes from within.  It was a beckoning to leave the loneliness that has been stirring inside me and find myself surrounded instead.  I knew the way but resisted the path because of the time it takes.  The inconvenience that the journey proposes.  The whispering guilt of leaving the kids and all the holiday activities.  And in the end, I am thankful the quiet beckoning, the untimely inconvenience, won out over all my reasoning.

Alone, I got in the car and drove North to the fields. As I drove the three hour stretch, I knew what I would find.  I questioned my need to really go when so much needed attention at home with kids, with school, with work, with art.  In my mind, I could imagine what was waiting for me—wasn’t it enough to imagine?  But when I turned the bend that gives me exit from all the crowded trees and opens my vision to the farmers’ endless barren fields, I wept.  For the first time in weeks, my creative spirit felt surrounded instead of isolated.

I walked to the middle of the muddy, barren field.

I held the moist, chunks of dirt in my hands.  My eyes scanned the field before me, stretching as far as I could see to all the fields surrounding me.  There was no sign of growth.  There was no sign of life.  There was nothing beautiful to cause one to smile. The vibrant colors of Spring, Summer and Fall had been traded with the deep recesses of browns and diluted reds.  The fields had been cleared and were purposed to lay fallow. Purposed to rest.

The wind seemed to blow even harder, with relentless strength when the fields are bare.  It whipped past me, as I shuddered from its’ biting cold.  There was no growth, reaching up from the ground, to slow the wind’s speed.  And it left me feeling vulnerable, uncovered, naked, even afraid.  But underneath the ground, underneath this barren field, was life.  Even though I couldn’t see the evidence of life on the surface, I knew life was still there—pulsing, breathing, growing, strengthening—while resting.

I knew what I needed to do next.  I needed to find proof, so I went looking for a farmer to interview. I asked her about the need to have fallow fields.  There was a clear frustration in my voice that I knew was unfair.  But my creative spirit was desperate to know if it really needed to be this way.  Couldn’t the fields be blooming all year round?  Were fallow fields a lack of laziness on the farmer’s part?  She looked at me with old, gentle eyes and said the fallow season was meant to be.  The ground needs to be left unsown to restore its fertility.  With gentle pause, she looked through my surface questions and said “Life is made of seasons.  Every season serves a noble purpose.  To escape or avoid one season is to cheat the other.  I think this is what you are asking.”  And then she smiled and the soft curves of her lips yielded into my deepest fears restoring my trust and belief in the cycle of life–the need for a season of rest.

I have been an artist for enough years to know the importance of rest.  But even after ten years of my first book being published, twenty years since I set my heart to be an artist, I still feel the pull to produce, to please, to sacrifice rest because I must—otherwise it may all fall apart.  When I was barely twenty and new to my creative pursuits, I thought I needed to prove my creative worthiness by always creating.  I did not realize that there is a fine line between creating and producing.  Producing seeks to please the unknown lookers that live like critics in my head.  Voices that I know are untrue, leading me away from the act of creating, still taunt me so that I feel a sudden sense of being surrounded, only to feel completely isolated in a second’s notice.

Then a voice whispers, calls from within, and I know this voice is unlike any of the other taunting voices I’ve been demanding answers from.  This voice is calm…unhurried.  It invites me to explore, to leave my surroundings—all that is familiar and deceivingly comfortable—and follow something I don’t understand or am able to guarantee.

The open, fallow field holds all the comfort and company I seek.  I am one with the field, choosing to take a season of rest instead of expecting new life to spring in abundance right now, this very moment.  The truth is that I am not closed off in my rest, but stretching myself to stay open—open like a cleared field that waits for new life to be dropped into its heart.

I gather the dirt in my hands and feel the wisdom of its existence.  The dirt that never gets praise or glory, and yet it covers the new seed as it breaks into being.  The dirt that is never pretty yet nourishes and protects new ideas that are not strong enough to deal with the harsh winds that storm above the surface.  The dirt…covering, protecting, and preparing to hold me up when Spring returns.

I can rest in the company of these barren fields because I know their barrenness is necessary.  Just like I know my creative spirit needs rest, the fields need rest.  Just like I know from the experience of many seasons, new life—creative life—will come and the work of my hands will flourish, will multiply, will not plant in vain.  I may not see the fruit in the season I expect.  I may not see the vibrant colors I dream of by Spring, but I know there is growth, there is life, there is time.

Even though this present, harsh, snapping wind is real and threatening, this wind is not for me to engage with, try to stop, or contain.  Instead I go under, go within, and rest while feeling the warmth of being held inside the dark place—within the womb—where all creativity is born and new life begins.

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When the holidays are upon me, I spend less time creating.  When I’m not looking, voices start to come and tell me I’m losing ground on all that I’ve worked so hard to build.  If you ever hear these same voices, when you hear these voices, may you find space to journey to the fallow fields–physically or mentally–and know that a purposed season of rest is not in vain but as the farmer said “a time meant to restore the fertility” for new life to come.

xo,

m

In October 2006, I found myself asking the questions “What if I did a workshop for women that empowered and inspired their passion for photography?  What if it was “only” women?  What if there was a focus on moms who want to capture their kids?  What if we dug deep in to the basics and redefined Aperture with meanings that made sense, like a buttery, blurry background?  What if there was a catered lunch and fun surprises, lots of laughter

Oakland, CA CONFIDENCE, 2010

and space for tears with no judgement, and we really filled these women up with all that we had?  What if Brian and I did that?  What if I did that? What would it look like?  Would it crash or take flight?  What if we tried…”

Photo by thenewdiplomatswife, Washington DC CONFIDENCE, 2011

Four years later, hundreds of women have found CONFIDENCE with their camera through our workshops.  But most importantly, they have found new beauty and strength within themselves.

Scottsdale, AZ CONFIDENCE, 2011

The seeds the CONFIDENCE weekend planted have grown into lifelong friendships

Photo by pbkisses.blogspot.com, Orange County, CA CONFIDENCE, 2011

dream building with so many beautiful varieties of color and heart…it is hard for me to believe that it all started with the brainstorm of “What if…”

Photo by Kate Debow, Washington DC CONFIDENCE, 2011

Today is a celebration of all the wonder and beauty that has come the last four years after answering “What If”.

Is there a “What If” that knocks on the door of your heart?  Is there a tug inside you that is asking to be explored?  Do you resist following the unknown path because you can’t see what the destination would possibly be?  Can I encourage you to take fifteen minutes today and try the below exercise of  “What Ifs” that are breathing inside you.

_________________________________

A “What If” Exercise for You:

1. Find a quiet space today.  Allow yourself 15 minutes of uninterrupted time.

2. Write down a list of 10 What If’s that have been rumbling inside you.  Don’t think, judge, critique, edit, just write them down.

3. Number them 1-10 from your most favorite to least.

4. Write down one or two barriers that are keeping you from exploring your “What Ifs”.  They could be things like; unsure of how it will affect my kids, no time, afraid of risking and failing, don’t know what the first step is, etc.

5. Now circle two What Ifs that seem to call to you.  Even though you have your barriers listed, these two What Ifs won’t stop asking for your attention.

6. Write down ONE action you can take to engage you in the exploration of these two What Ifs.

7. Write down a date that you will commit to doing this action by.

8. Share this with a trusted friend.  If you can’t think of anyone, you are always welcome to email me at info@merakoh.com.

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My “What If” grew into much more than I could have ever imagined.   I know it also led me to The Nate Berkus Show and has stirred a whole new set of “What Ifs” inside me.  But the process is always so scary because there is no guarantee that the exploration of your “What If” will lead to something solid, noteworthy.  And yet, we never know until we try.  We never know until we dare to look.

Today is November 3rd.  I head back to Seattle from NY for the second time in the last THREE days, finishing a whirlwind of travel.  I’m going to rest in the daily, rich routine of home as we homeschool, walk the dog, ride the bike to yoga, and bake bread on Saturday morning.  I’m going to drink in the ebb, so that we can flow into our last CONFIDENCE workshop for 2011 in Dallas, TX.

This 2012 is going to be a year of CONFIDENCE and continuing to answer the What Ifs.  I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I didn’t answer the “What if” in regards to teaching a photography workshop to women.  Now to be true to the calling of other “What Ifs” that are knocking on my heart’s door by starting with the photo below.

I’ve been looking for a photo that captures the growing confidence in my own heart.  I’m not sure which one of the beautiful ladies at the Sacramento CONFIDENCE Workshop took this, but when I saw it, I smiled inside and said “Yes, that’s me with confidence.  Not the forceful, aggressive kind, but the gentle, assured flow of a river that is full of life, wonder and belief in the impossible.”

       CONFIDENCE Wkshp, Sacramento, CA Wkshp  2011

Join me in 2012 for CONFIDENCE

There are TEN DAYS left for the Early Bird Registration for 2012 CONFIDENCE Workshops!  The 20% Discount ends Nov. 12th!  A few great workshop updates; we are now going to be at the Hotel Murano for the Seattle workshop (our favorite location in the Pacific Northwest that women sometimes come just for their pillow menu. )  We are inviting the NY ladies to escape the Winter chills and meet us in Tampa (Clearwater) FL this February at the Marriott!  Check out the pool, it’s divine!  And in March, we are so excited to come back to Orange County, CA to the Shorebreak Hotel that we love and treasure!

The EARLY BIRD ends in 10 Days on November 12th! 

Click the Below City for the EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT and DETAILS!

Seattle, WA, January 7th and 8th!

Tampa/Clearwater, FL, February 4th and 5th

Orange County, CA, March 24th and 25th

Her words of wisdom give me comfort as I sit in my office in aisle 11, seat D.

Fay had been with us for 48 hours to observe all the different places that energy unnecessary leaked in our home, our family culture.  After Brian and I put the kids to be we talked late into the night.  She had made several observations over the last two days, but one of them rocked my world as a parent.  She said something to the effect of “I notice…you seem to spend a lot of energy throughout the day on trying to fill your kids’ cup with love, as much love as you can, but I also notice from your behavior that after they are in bed you seem to think the cup is now empty and you have to refill it all over again the next morning.  Me Ra, there are no holes in the bottom of your cup!  That cup you fill with love never, EVER empties.  And the truth is that your children will draw from that cup at unexpected times, as you will too, throughout their whole life.  But as you live each day, loving your children, you fill the cup more and more and more.”

I was speechless.  “Me Ra, there are no holes in the bottom of your cup.”

How often have I reacted to my parenting as if the opposite was true?  When a trip is coming up, and I’m not going to see the kids for a few days, I can easily get frantic inside that my love won’t be able to reach the kids because I’m not there to fill their cup of love.  When I stand in the airport and look at the myriad of parenting magazines, everything seems to focus on what we can “do” with our kids rather than who we can “be” for our kids.

Fay wasn’t finished.  With tears in her eyes, she spoke of her two sons who are both men now.  She said, “From one parent who has gone before you, can I tell you that the greatest gift you can give your children is a love for themselves.  If they love who they are, treasure who they are, it will impact every decision they make for the rest of their days.  And when you aren’t looking, they will draw from the cup of love that you have filled over the years–that holds all the truth about how much you love them through and through.”

This was in early June.  We only had one trip for work over the summer.  Fay encouraged me to fill the cup throughout the summer, but from a place that believes there aren’t holes in the bottom–from a place that believes the cup only becomes more and more full.  This was our plan because October loomed ahead, the month I would only be home for six days.  It would be important for me to know during the craziness of this month that the kids had a cup to draw from, a cup of wonderful, simple memories from the summer of long walks, lazy bbq dinners, working in the garden together, camping, giggling over hula lessons for homeschool

and just being…drawing on their experiences of being loved on by mom.

When The Nate Berkus Show called and asked if I could come to NY a couple days early for a project tomorrow…I knew it would mean I would only have four days home this month.  I pictured that cup of love in my heart, full and potent from the summer and our recent week in DC, and it gave me strength.

When I kissed the kids goodbye, I didn’t have guilt in my eyes.  And I could tell that this gave them that much more freedom to enjoy going to grammie’s house.  They are so smart, if they see me acting stressed or worried about an upcoming trip…they automatically start to worry.  But if I can believe the cup I hold for them, with all my love, is accessible to them night and day–whether we are together or not–I can freely hug, kiss and tickle them goodbye.  And in turn, they are set free to head to grammie’s house with freedom and anticipation in their steps.

I still cry when the house is empty, and I realize we haven’t carved pumpkins yet.  I still cry when I think about how hard it might be for mom to be gone so much this month.  I still feel my heart break a little as I type these words.  But carving pumpkins isn’t what gives them assurance.  The activities are fun and wonderful memories, but they are not the sustenance of what gives my kids confidence in my love for them.  To know they have my cup of love, and it never empties, sustains me for the next ten days.  And I have a feeling it sustains my babies too.

As I was growing up my dad traveled oversees every month.  Sometimes he’d be gone for several weeks at a time, and I vowed that I wouldn’t travel as a parent someday.  But isn’t it funny how God plants a dream in your heart, knowing full well that you will not only build a dream but work out your own pain and brokenness along the way.  That if you follow this business of dream building, you will encounter everything you said you’d never do and have to reassess why you made those vows and were they based in truth or fear?  That your dream, if it is true, will bring you to your knees.  The constant realization of how fear sneaks into my life is overwhelming at times and causes me to wonder if my dream is really about living without fear–more than any business plan I’ve ever written.

Do you know what I mean?  Have you also assumed there were holes in the bottom of your cup?  There is rest in knowing those holes don’t exist.

xo,

m

Would LOVE to meet you, catch up with you, HUG you in NY this week.  Come see me at the following places;

Wed. October 26th, 1:15pm-3:15pm, 2 hour talk on how to build your business with Social Media (so excited about this talk–sharing lots of stories and lessons of what has worked and not worked for us–and excited to answer in full a number of the questions our CONFIDENCE ladies often email) (Jacob Javits Convention Center)

Thursday-Saturday: Speaking at SONY booth all throughout the day, doing live shooting demos, showing how I post process my images and talking about how to get a book published (Jacob Javits Convention Center)

Friday, October 28th, 6:30-8pm, Special Book Signing at Chelsea Museum with other SONY Artisans, Brian Smith and Andy Katz!! See their books below! Buy an autographed copy or bring the one you own!

Chelsea Art Museum | Home of the Miotte Foundation
556 West 22nd Street, New York, NY 10011
Phone: +1.212.255.0719 x116 | Fax: +1.212.255.2368

Celebrities from film, music, television, and theatre sit for portraits with Pulitzer Prize-winning Photographer Brian Smith and work with The Creative Coalition to share personal stories about the impact of art on their lives and on society. Brian Smith’s celebrity portraits have appeared on the covers and within the pages of countless entertainment and news publications. The Creative Coalition’s arts advocacy programs, led by Robin Bronk, are well-known and respected in Hollywood and Washington circles. Their shared commitment to the arts led to their collaboration on a uniquely powerful campaign to raise awareness of the role of the arts in America, and culminates in the upcoming release of ART &SOUL: Stars Unite to Celebrate and Support the Arts.

Sonoma is the place famed photographer Andy Katz calls home.  His work shows us the life and colors of the seasons, from the barren, icy stillness of winter, to the tender push of the young vines in the spring.  Katz takes us places few outsiders know exist and captures their beauty, allowing us to pause and contemplate the intricacies of vineyards panted amidst stunning natural surroundings.

And yours truly! 

If you haven’t heard of Chase Jarvis, you want to check out his site and ALL the awesome education he offers at creativeLIVE!  Last week, he did a great blog post called “10 Things Every Creative Person (that’s YOU) Must Learn!”  I can’t think of a better way to start the week than to start with this list!  Number 2 and Number 7 are two of my FAVORITES that we often discuss in our CONFIDENCE Workshops.  I’m sure past attendees will recognize a few more on this list.    Be encouraged to go for it this week!

Happy Monday!

xo,

m

By Chase on October 11, 2011

Here is a list of 10 things I’ve learned the hard way that every photographer, designer, creative–hell, every creative person–should know.

1. Experts aren’t the answer.
The blogs, the teachers, the mentors, the seminars aren’t the answer. They’re not there to tell you exactly what you need to know. If they’re good, then they are there to give you some ideas, some guidelines, or some rules to learn and subsequently break. This isn’t about the expert, it’s about you. In creative pursuits especially…what’s going on inside you is where the answers can be found. Hear what experts say, but don’t always listen to them.

2. Clients cannot tell you what they need.
Clients hire you because they have a problem. They need a great visual representation of something, a solution. They think they know the best way to photograph something, but they don’t really. That’s why they hire you. Take their suggestions to heart, because they definitely know their brand, product, their vision–perhaps even shoot a few versions of the images they THINK they want to see first–but then go nuts with own vision. Add value. Show them something they didn’t expect. Don’t be a monkey with a finger. Remember why you got hired…that YOU are the badass image maker. If you are good enough to get selected for the job, you should be good enough to drive the photographic vision.

3. Don’t aim for ‘better’, aim for ‘different’.
It’s funny how related “better” and “different” are. If you aim for ‘better’ that usually means you’re walking in the footsteps of someone else. There will often be someone better than you, someone making those footsteps you’re following… But if you target being different–thinking in new ways, creating new things–then you are blazing your own trail. And in blazing your own trail, making your own footprints, you are far more likely to find yourself being ‘better’ without even trying. Better becomes easy because it’s really just different. You can’t stand out from the crowd by just being better. You have to be different.

4. Big challenges create the best work.
If you get assignments that are pushing your vision, your skills, then awesome. Kudos to you, keep getting those assignments. If you’re not getting those assignments, then you need to be self-assigning that challenging work. Give yourself tough deadlines and tougher creative challenges. You do your best work where there is a challenge that is clearly present and 10 feet taller than you think you can handle.

Click Chase’s Blog to read the other six!

p.s.

Winter CONFIDENCE Workshops are happening on East and West Coast! Early Bird Registration and our Payment Plan is going on now!  (Christmas is looking REAL GOOD for some special ladies! )   CLICK HERE to find the city nearest you and get ALL the juicy details!

(warning: today is a long one, get that cup of tea )

There is a new word that is swirling in my head and heart these last few months.  The word is Sustaining.

Sustaining.  I’ve thought about this word on a large scale when it comes to our environment and culture, but I’ve never spent much time thinking about the word in application to me as a woman, wife, mom…  As a business woman, I’ve spent numerous hours focused on growth, risk, building, risking and growing…but sustaining.  The word itself captured me like the scent of bread baking in the oven.

How do we sustain ourselves so we keep from burning out and continue to move forward with all our responsibilities, dreams, desires and those we love?

The answer is probably different for everyone, but this summer I took a hard look at what mine would be.  I discovered what I call “Sustaining Energies” in my daily and weekly life.  With the guiding hand of Fay’s wisdom (SOAR! Business Coach and co-founder of Star Consulting), Brian, Fay and I unpacked the idea of designing a life that would sustain us on a physical, emotional, financial and spiritual level.  It started with a simple exercise.

I drew a big circle on a piece of paper and wrote all my commitments around the outside of the circle, things like; Homeschool, Family Relations, Photography, Speaking, TV segments, My Blog, a new Book Project, SOAR! Scholarship Program, Yoga 3x’s a week, Church, Karate and Art Classes for the Kids, Travel…  All these elements are a part of my on going life.  It’s easy for me to check out and say “I can’t manage all these pieces!”  But the truth is that I do somehow, so I can either get intentional about how I manage these elements, or I can feel like I’m always running to catch up.  As Fay said, the circle is my pie.  I’ve only got one pie in my life, how do I want to divide it up with all that I’m committed too?  My heart said, ‘Really?! I can’t find a way to have two or three pies and layer them on top of each other?’ 

After I drew my circle and wrote my obligations around the outside, Fay asked me to write “Sustaining Energies” at the top of the circle on the inside.  She invited me to list things that sustain my energy.  These things sustain me in day to day or weekly life.  They help me give to all those I love, without burning out.  To write them out, see them on paper in front of me, was powerful.  Now I knew that much better what to make time for every day, week, month.  If I committed to these things, my tank would have less chance of running empty.

Some of my Sustaining Energies are;

-Bikram Yoga, 2-3 times a week

-Getting to bed at 10pm (a bed time that is earlier than normal but what I feel my body asking for)

-Eating Well (Gluten and Dairy give me a fever, so making time to eat how my body needs)

-Taking my vitamins/supplements (knowing I need extra Iron, I make the time to keep a supply instead of waiting till I’m depleted)

-Doing my Morning Pages or Morning Walks

-Reading a Good Book Before Bed

-Date night with Brian

-Weekly Family Meetings with the Kids (a new and wonderful event in our home!)

-Thailand

-Having Schedules and Systems in Place for our Family’s Day2Day Culture

-Gardening, Cooking, Baking

-Dinner with a Friend

-Date night with Brian (LOL! I said that twice–must mean something! )

-Two night escape by myself on a quarterly basis

The last Sustaining Energy was the toughest for me.  Fay challenged me with this one when I pushed back, feeling like this was much more of a “luxury” activity (code for, I don’t feel like I deserve to take that kind of consistent time away from my family.)  She said I needed to go away every other month, or even quarterly, and spend two nights unplugged, in a hotel, with nothing I “needed” to do.  She emphasized how vital it is for an artist to spend time in wide open space, creating space whether it’s cleaning out their basement, or going to a spacious place where they can be still, quiet, and allow new ideas, new creative thoughts come to them, and thus, be refueled.  I wasn’t sure how to make this work, but I tried it.  I cried as I left the house, telling Brian that two nights was unnecessary.  Instead, by day two, I realized I was moved by how lonely I was for myself.

On my last trip, I asked the hotel if they had Winter deals.  Turns out, they only offer the Winter deal to those who ask.  And it’s two nights for one!  I booked my next two trips for this Winter, and I’m already looking forward to the wide open space these trips give my heart.

I’m so thankful for this redirection in our business and family life.  Our business and vision is growing stronger every day, but if I’m unable to sustain myself, I won’t be able to keep up.  And those I love would suffer.  So I’m digging deep into the theme of Sustaining Energies.  I’m not a baker, but have found myself baking Gluten Free bread, and the sustaining energy of this single loaf fills our home on Fall evenings.  I find that I am quieter inside, not resisting the stillness, and often retreating in the morning to spend time in stillness.  My head is more clear, my actions are with more intention, and I feel like I’m living in Front of the Bus rather than trying to keep up with it.  But not just me, the kids too.  The more systems Brian and I implement from bed time routines to weekly Family Meeting Nights, the more secure, settled, and safe they feel.

I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I think I’ve bought into the excuse that as an artist, I work best “outside” of systems.  This can get me into trouble if I’m not careful.  With running a business and homeschool, we are already outside of the systems around us.  And yet, we need to have our own systems to sustain the creative life we are living.  The river flows whether I help raise up the banks or not.  Searching for Sustaining Energies almost feels like I’m deciding to build up those river banks, so the river will flow in the direction I desire.  Does that make sense?

September is for Sustaining.  This Fall is for Sustaining.

What are Sustaining Energies that you can write in the middle of your circle?

xo,

m

p.s. ROE Announcement for DC!

We are going to fill a special lady with Sustaining Energy in DC! My deep thanks to everyone who nominated themselves or a loved one.  All of your stories are inspiring and moving.  The decision is never easy.  The winner of the DC Running on Empty Contest is Claudia!  Claudia, we need you to email Genie by this Wed. to confirm you can come.  (genie@merakoh.com)  To read Claudia’s powerful story, along with all the other nominees, CLICK HERE.

We also had ONE spot that just came open for DC.  If you’d like to grab this spot, email Brian at info@merakoh.com ASAP!

p.s.s.  One More Day to Vote for Your Top Pick of Winter CONFIDENCE Cities!

CLICK HERE to cast your vote!

It’s official!!!  My book, Your Baby in Pictures, is being picked up by a big publisher in Finland and TRANSLATED!!!  How cool is that?!!  I’m so excited!!

I want to celebrate today with sharing some of YOUR Photo-Recipe results!  Receiving emails of the photos that my book has inspired you to shoot is the BEST!!!  It’s the BEST, I tell you!!!  Keep sending me your Photo-Recipe results!  There are forty Photo-Recipes, and I’d be tickled if you all sent me ALL forty!!!  Here are some of the latest photos from readers!  Let’s celebrate!

Lisa Ward took this fantastic photo, inspired by Photo Recipe #24 “Flexibility You Would Die For”.

Nickie Mullin captured this AMAZING silhouette, inspired by Photo-Recipe #36 “Flying Cherub Silhouette”!!

Beryl Young from Northern Virginia captured this GORGEOUS photo of mom and baby, inspired by Photo-Recipe #18 “Sitting Up…Well, Almost!”  That one is all about slimming mom in the photo!  I can’t think of a more beautiful example Beryl!

Neyssa Lee captured this sweet detail, inspired by Photo-Recipe #6 “Tiny Hands”.

The Hair Swirl is one of my FAVORITE details with babies!  Sara from Seattle did an AMAZING JOB with not only the detail but beautiful window light!!  This photo was inspired by Photo-Recipe #5 “The Fleeting Hair Swirl”.

Email me your favorite Photo-Recipe results, including the title of the Photo-Recipe that inspired you and what state you live in, and you may find your photo on the blog!  And serious, I would love to see all forty!!  In fact, we should do a CONTEST for the person who tweets and posts on my FB page all 40 Photo-Recipe results first!!!  What do you think of that?!!!  Maybe the prize could be a spot in one of our CONFIDENCE Workshops!!!  I know some of you have wanted to attend for years, maybe this is a way for you to come!!!  Hmmmmm!!!  Thoughts?!!!

To purchase your copy of best selling “Your Baby in Pictures”, CLICK HERE!

xoxo,

m

Don’t miss the special “Behind the Scenes” videos!  The password to access those fun videos is hidden in the book!

p.s.

We have a few spots left in each of our upcoming Fall CONFIDENCE Workshops in Seattle, Washington DC, Sacramento and Dallas!  I think Seattle only has two spots left!  REGISTER TODAY to grab your spot! Start your FALL with renewed creativity and confidence in photography like NEVER BEFORE!

Adobe is one of our big SOAR! Scholarship Partners.  We are so thankful to have their constant support for empowering women in photography.  So when they called to see if I could do an interview for them, I was totally honored!

Photoshop.com is one of their educational resources for photographers of all levels with videos for Lightroom, tutorials to editing images, etc.  A part of this site is also dedicated to keeping you inspired!  This section is called “Spotlights: Get Inspired by the Innovators”.

This was a wonderful interview, and I LOVED some of the questions they asked like; What Piece of Equipment Can’t I Live Without and Why, What’s the Best Advice I Ever Received, How Do I See My Career and Business Evolving Over the Next Five Years and Who Inspires Me as a Photographer?  (Can you guess the answer to the last one?    That was my FAVORITE question!)  Those are just a few of the questions you’ll find in this interview!

CLICK HERE to read the my full interview with Adobe!  If you have time, come back and leave a comment on what you thought!

Read MORE inspiring interviews from the industry’s top photographers in Photoshop.com Spotlight gallery!  Whether your passion is sports photography, travel, SHARKS, landscape or portraits, they’ve got a Spotlight interview to get your creative juices flowing!

Enjoy!

m

p.s.  The EARLY BIRD DISCOUNT for our upcoming Fall CONFIDENCE Workshops ends this Tuesday on June 28th!  We are filling up in all four cities, so grab your spot before the price goes back up to $999!