It was my first bridal expo show ever.  I was so nervous.  I had no idea how to price our wedding packages.  They ranged from $1285-$3000.  I had no idea how to build a photography booth at an expo.  My parents let me borrow a bunch of antique furniture, and Brian I tried to create a classic space in a 10 x 10 square booth.  Oh, the stress.  But you have to start somewhere.

I remember unloading the car, and this beautiful woman was unloading a couple cars down.  Her little girl was with her.  She had to be around Pascaline’s age at the time.  Somehow we started talking.  It was her first show too.  We were both wedding photographers, both moms, both excited and scared as all get out.   From that moment on we were friends.

Sharlane Chase is the beautiful woman I’m talking about.

She has been a support to  me over the years as we’ve both tried to grow our businesses and figure out mothering at the same time.  She went from being at this little no name expo with me, to organizing the classiest wedding event in the Northwest!  She is the mastermind behind Seattle’s amazing Urban Unveiled event.    And Sharlane is a fighter.  She is a single mom and does it all with grace and a smile that can heal anyone’s broken heart.

So today, I’m asking you to join me in helping Sharlane.  Over the holiday her fiancé proposed, and then she got the news of having cancer.  This woman has been through so much.  And as you can imagine, the medical costs are insane.

The Seattle and surrounding wedding industry are raising money to help Sharlane pay for her medical bills and fight this battle.  There is going to be an amazing auction next week on February 4th in Seattle.  If you can, you must come!  If you can’t, see the website for more ideas on how to give.  CLICK HERE for all the details!  The website is www.weheartsharlane.com.

Erin Wheeler, a local photographer, is offering up a wedding photography package for the auction.  Check our her website and read her amazing story.  CLICK HERE for details!

And more than anything, thank you for lifting Sharlane up in your prayers.  She is so dear to so many.  She never stops giving.  She never stops smiling.  She and her little Anna have been through so much.  Thank you for helping this strong, beautiful woman, Sharlane Chase.

(I love you Sharlane.  I’ll never forget the photo shoot we did of each other and the kids in your little kitchen.  How has time gone so fast. Love you and Anna so much.)

xoxo, Me Ra

I’m in tears trying to find the words.  I kept this video to myself since Monday night—treasuring this special gift.  And yet I know this beautiful gift is meant to be shared.  So with much honor, I share the video with all of you—a video that has given my wings more strength to keep soaring—more strength than these women will ever know. 

Much love,

Me Ra (and Brian too! )

p.s. I also want to thank the SOAR! Partners, each one of you.  You believed in me when I came to you with the SOAR! Vision, and look at all the women we’ve encouraged.  Thank you for trusting me with your names and reputations. 

p.s.s. See you all tonight at the Seattle Sony Style store!  We start at 6pm!  My parents and grandparents are even coming, and those are four people you MUST meet.  See you soon!

I LOVE Thanksgiving. I think it’s one of my favorite holidays. It doesn’t have the hustle and bustle of Christmas. Instead, it slows life down for me. When I’m done writing this post, I’m going to make pumpkin pies with the kids while the turkey cooks away.

Thanksgiving is going to be an intimate affair this year. We usually spend it with my family, but they are all out of town. Brian and I have had our fill of airports and taxis for awhile. We decided to doing something different. One of our dearest friends, John Louviere, from college is with us. He came all the way from Utah. Our other two college buddies show up tomorrow. I’m so excited to break bread and converse, laugh, reminisce, create new memories, play the piano (been working on a special Thanksgiving song for the kids), then John will probably sing and play the guitar,

and we’ll sip wine until the candles have burned down and the embers in the fire are all that’s left.

I’m thankful for relationships. For being able to connect with friends that have known you for years and thus, can finish your sentences. I’m thankful for music. I’m thankful when I think of the way my kids’ faces will light up when we surprise them by moving the dining table into the living room for a special Thanksgiving, candle lit dinner. I’m thankful for creativity–the kind that helps us think of new ideas, something out of the box, something we haven’t tried before. I’m thankful for projects taking off. Wow, we had 3500 unique visits to the new website and blog on Tuesday alone. And, get this, we had over 18,000 page visits. I’m thankful that all of you are connecting and enjoying the new sites so much!

Once Sunday night ends, a shift seems to happen. Maybe it’s the feeling of that hustle and bustle in the air. But for now, I feel my soul take a deep breath, and I enjoy this moment of thankfulness.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving friends. I am deeply grateful for all of you.

Much love,

Me Ra and Brian

Come back at 2pm for a special announcement that you and your baby may get to participate in! (Yep, TWO posts today! ) Have a Happy Monday!

p.s Running on Empty winner will be announced tomorrow!

Hello Everyone!

What a week! Scott and I have had a hard time wrapping our brain around how much support and compassion we have received from people all around the world!!! Noah was the 17th most googled topic on Thursday and 12th on Friday!! Unbelievable!!!!!!!

Thank you to everyone for the support! Thank you to everyone that listened to my requests for peace. Thank you to Mindy for setting up security for my front door today!! Thank you to the South Lyon Police, Fire, and Post Office for the help and support over the past week. Today was the first day that I could relax. We had a person sitting out front guarding the door. My family and I didn’t have to worry about whether the person walking up was going to knock or ring the doorbell. Yes, I do have a sign on the door.

I just wanted to note something interesting. Last Saturday, I posted a little note on this carepage – it said that we were celebrating Christmas this week. If you would like to send Noah a card, send me an email and I will give you my address!! Our friends and family have repeatedly asked us for something to do to help. Asking for a Christmas card was something simple that many people could do. They posted it on Facebook and BAMMMMM!!!!!!! Next thing I know, we are receiving thousands of cards and packages. Tuesday – 64, Wednesday – 416, Thursday – 2,600, Friday – 5,100 and Saturday – ??????? At least 10,000. Yes, you read that right – at least 10,000.

We are opening and reading each and every card. This is taking some time. It is just humbling, shocking, incredible, astounding… the outpouring of love for one sick little boy.

Friday night, Noah loved meeting Santa. He wasn’t so sure about the fire truck or Santa coming on the fire truck. We waved from the balcony. Noah feels safe in my bedroom. That’s where he spends most of his time. He wouldn’t come out of the bedroom so Santa went in. He sat on the floor and opened presents with Noah, Scott, and I. Then I went out to make sure everyone was doing well and Santa sat right next to Noah. Noah wrapped his arms around Santa’s neck and wouldn’t let go.

The smile on his face was worth it. He smiled from ear to ear.

Saturday, Noah loved opening presents and let me tell you – there isn’t a shortage of them!! We had a crew at the house and he would pick which person he wanted to play with and that person went into the bedroom and played. When he had enough, he would sleep. We decided to have Santa come on Friday for two reasons. 1.) Santa needed to have time to get back to the North Pole. 2.) Noah needed a day of rest between the big events.

Today was a very merry Christmas! Noah, my mom, and I woke to a Christmas tree in our front yard, fully decorated with wrapped presents underneath. Noah thought that was the coolest thing. Again – the smile said it all. He spent most of the day in my bedroom. No shocker there! He was stingy with his happy face today. He slept quite a bit and he seems to be hurting again.

Noah is having pain in the left elbow and upper body. This is all new pain. However, he’s stubborn as a mule and won’t let me give him any IV pain meds. We keep increasing his Methadone which we did on Friday. That hasn’t seemed to help much. You can see the difference in him. You can see him slowing down. You can see him in pain and just plain getting tired. He’s just at that point.

No matter how hard this is or how painful it is, Scott, my family, and I can say one thing – Noah had Christmas today. And for that, I am grateful.

Merry Christmas Everyone! The world helped make it special for Noah, my family, Scott, and myself. I can guarantee one thing – This week was a week that none of us will ever forget.

Thanks

(p.s. Thanks Maureen for this beautiful update!)

Dr Tom Curran is a radio personality, and he is in the process of setting up a 24 hour (live) online Rosary where people around the world can meet together online and pray. One of the prayer requests last night was for a family in Michigan where 5 year Noah is in the final stages of his 2.5 year battle with Neuroblastoma…a particularly vicious form of childhood cancer with a 0% chance of survival. (If you’ve read the amazing book Gloria’s Miracle you know how ruthless this disease really is.)

Well, Noah is probably not going to make it to Christmas so the family is going to celebrate the holiday this coming weekend. Apparently, Noah likes Christmas Cards and receiving things in the mail. The request was sent out to have people flood their mailbox with Christmas Cards encouraging Noah in his final struggle! If you could take a moment to send him a Christmas Card in the next few days, it would really be appreciated!

The news about Noah’s early Christmas has spread through a number of radio stations. This is Noah. I can’t help but tear up when I see that smile.

Noah’s address is below. It was given to the Catholic radio show as well as many other blogs.

Noah Biorkman
1141 Fountain View Circle
South Lyon, MI 48178

The kids and I are going to work on Christmas cards for Noah, and I thought I’d pass Noah’s story along if you felt inclined to do the same. My friend had a wonderful idea of including some money for the parents. Money won’t take the pain away, but I’m sure it would help them feel supported. Who knows what kind of financial stress they are facing with all the medical bills. Or maybe a card just to Noah’s mom. This is an amazing community of passionate mothers, and I know that when we hold each other up, we are so much stronger together. I believe her name is Diana Biorkman.

Honestly, I can’t imagine what they are going through, and I wish there was something more we could all do. I wish we lived closer to offer a photo session to Noah and his family. But we have such an amazing community here, and if any of you live in South Lyon, MI or in the surrounding area, and feel a tug in your heart to try this idea–I think it would be amazing and your photos would offer an incredible gift. Or we could spread the word by posting it Noah’s story on more blogs today. If you think of something else we can do as a community, post a comment today.

If nothing else, thank you so much for keeping Noah and his family in your prayers. To read more about this precious boy, click here.

If Diana happens to read this post;

Diana, we are all praying for your family and especially sweet Noah. I can’t imagine what your heart is going through. I can’t imagine all the questions, emotions, helplessness, and incredible, unwavering love for your little one. I pray that you feel God surround you with His comfort. That when you feel too weak, too afraid–you feel a presence holding you up, carrying you. That when you lie down at night next to Noah, and hold him as only his mother can, you both hear songs of comfort being sung all around you in the whispers of the night. And somehow, in some mysterious way, you feel God cover you with his blanket of love and healing. And when there is nothing anyone can say or do, and the darkness feels too real to bear another day, I pray that you feel His comfort in the dark. If there is anything we can do, please let us know. My email is mera@merakoh.com.

Much love, Me Ra

Pictage’s Partner Conference, in New Orleans, kicks off tomorrow. Brian and I regret to say we will not be there.

We were so excited to come because Partnercon is one of our favorite annual conferences. We were excited to share on our topic, but even more excited to hang out with many of you, friends we only see once or twice a year. So what happened? Why the last minute cancellation?

When we were in NY last week, I felt like Pascaline was having a tough time. She didn’t seem like herself. I felt like she was struggling to feel grounded and having a hard time focusing. We did an unusual amount of travel in September and October. For some of the trips the kids joined us, and for a handful I went alone. We try to pace our calendar, but sometimes unexpected things come up and you need to get on a plane. Those unexpected events added up over the last two months, and I ended up being in six cities in October alone. When Photo Plus happened in NY, I could tell Pascaline was feeling the weight of our travel schedule.

Our kids are pretty amazing. They roll with the travel schedule in a way that blows my mind. In some ways they’ve never known any different, but it’s also because we have a ton of family support, the beauty of homeschool, and an awesome nanny. The kids will sometimes count the days until our next trip because of that special weekend their going to have with Grammie and Papa. But you know when that moment comes…and the air around you has shifted. The feeling around the moment is so abstract, so subtle, and yet it’s staring you, wide eyed in the face. And in that moment, you know your kids need you more today than most days. It isn’t traumatic, and if we left today for New Orleans, I know the kids would survive. But I feel deeply about the fact that life isn’t about surviving. Life is about much more.

Last Thursday, Brian and I went down to the local cafe and I asked him to consider canceling. Did he think I was off base or in left field? He was a bit taken off guard, but he heard me out. Then he looked at me and said, “We’ve built so much of this business by listening to your intuition. If you feel strongly about this, we should listen.” I felt so strong but so conflicted. I didn’t want to let our Pictage family down, and especially the wonderful photographers that were planning on attending our talk. And yet, as I sat on the decision, prayed about it, thought it through, what bothered me most was the idea of having to tell Pascaline I needed to leave again–knowing her spirit wasn’t ready yet for “again”.

What was equally troubling was if I didn’t listen to my instinct now, it would be that much tougher to listen the next time. I’ve worked so hard, for years, to listen that small voice, I couldn’t ignore it now.

The title of our talk was Revive the Artist in You: Live the Impossible Life. There is no way I could stand up and speak on this topic when I knew my little one needed me back home.

When I called Jim Collins, CEO of Pictage, he blew me away. He told me he would personally make himself available to anyone that had been referred from our blog. (So find Jim if you are there this week b/c he wants to meet you!) He asked me a couple other logistical questions, and then he said “Now Me Ra, I want you to take three deep breaths. We’re going to miss you, but we will get through…and I hate to break it to you, but your not Super Woman.” I have to tell you that I broke down in tears because I never expected Jim to be so understanding.

Our life is crazy and not in balance. That’s right “not” in balance. I gave up on balance a while ago because it only led me to compare my life with others–with other lives who weren’t anything like our own. And then I realized it’s not about living a balanced life, but living a life that listens to your small, quiet voice inside. Living a life of prayer and teamwork with Brian. Living a life that makes BIG plans but takes things one step at a time with prayer wrapped all around it. At times my fears and insecurities creep in. I don’t find a ton of women in my position, and I feel the need and desire to continue breaking ground. But I wonder if I’m kidding myself because maybe it would be easier on all of us if our family had mom at home and dad at work. I NEVER thought I would be a working mom—ever. But for some reason God had other plans for me and my family, and here we are. And it feels right. Not always easy, but right.

I do apologize to all of you who expected us to be there. Please email us if this unexpected news throws your conference off, and Jim and I will figure out a way to make it up to you. (mera@merakoh.com)

I want to thank Jim and the rest of the Pictage family for being so understanding. I feel more supported and loved by Pictage than ever.

After Brian and I made our decision, I told Pascaline I canceled my trip. Over the next few hours, I watched her body unwind. It’s like I could see her shoulders let down–her spirit exhale. On the way home yesterday, after her first piano recital, she said “Mama, I’m so glad your home this week.” I smiled inside. I can’t always cancel the trip. But this time, I knew I needed to. She needed me a little more than the average day. She would have survived if I had to go. But I’m so glad I didn’t ask her to survive. Instead, I get to love on her. I get to make homemade soup with her, take a walk in the Fall leaves, come home and light a fire, wrap her in my arms and let her know that in the midst of our exciting, crazy life–I hear my little girl.

I see her.

-m

I can’t imagine what we’d do without the resilient, creative, passionate spirit of women. I learn so much about the vast beauty of femininity from my clients. Whether it’s Caroline’s fierce, committed love to her baby or one our Amazing Moms taking a risk and starting her own photography business, I am inspired.

The month of October is the National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. And I have to tell you, I’ve never seen so much effort put toward this cause. Having traveled a lot this month, I was super encouraged to see all the different efforts that the airlines are making from Jet Blue’s counter being surrounded by pink balloons to Delta flight attendants wearing pink shirts.

On Saturday night, our last night in NYC, we finally got to see Wicked. Amazing…really no words to describe how amazing Wicked is. After the Wicked the actors took their bow to a roaring standing applause, they made an announcement on behalf of Breast and Ovarian Cancer, as well as HIV, for donations. I don’t know about you, but when corporations and artists come together for a good cause, it encourages my soul.

This was an image that I shot of Pascaline this summer. The timing was crazy!

A friend said the shape of the ribbon reminded her of the pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon. I’d love for this image to be another visual reminder that fighting breast cancer is not only about helping all those who have it, but the generations to follow.

To find a National Breast and Cervical Cancer Early Detection Facility, CLICK HERE!

If you have breast cancer and feel alone, CLICK HERE to find support in your local area. No one can know what your going through, but maybe this link can help you find friendship and comfort.

Photo Recipe for Pascaline’s Pink Ribbon: Aperture was low at 2.8, Shutter Speed was 1/200th of a second and the ISO was 100.

xoxo, Me Ra

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

ONE Special Spot left! Who is this special woman going to be!!! So excited! CLICK HERE !

Our Refuse to Say Cheese DVD series are now AWARD WINNING! Read the press release HERE ! If you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, check out our popular Instructional DVDs Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box , and our 101 Kits for starting or expanding a business in photography , click on the titles of your choice!

Got a call yesterday to fly out TODAY for an amazing project. (It’s not the Oprah Winfrey Show, but it is that level of AMAZING.)

Can’t say where I’m going or what it’s about. When I get the green light, you’ll know. But even though I can’t share details, you can still pray for me right! That would be AWESOME!

As I raced to pack my stuff, the kids and I decided that this kind of event calls for the Wonder Woman belt!

Blaze said that it’s important to take Super Hero things with you for super, amazing trips, even if they never come out of the suitcase.

Time to board!

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What about putting CONFIDENCE on your Christmas Wish List this year!!! We are down to THREE spots in the January Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop! The November Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop is already sold out! CLICK HERE to get one of the last spots!

Our Refuse to Say Cheese DVD series are now AWARD WINNING! Read the press release HERE ! If you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, check out our popular Instructional DVDs Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box , and our 101 Kits for starting or expanding a business in photography, click on the titles of your choice!

I wanted to share this piece below with you. I thought it might be fun. In the morning, I try to write 3 pages (some mornings I miss it, but the mornings I make it are ever worth it). I come to the paper and pen with a desire to clear my slate. I’m always amazed with how much is on my mind first thing in the morning. Did I realize I was going to bed with so many thoughts?

My morning pages often become exercises where I dump all the things that are weighing heavy on me–so I can get to the writing and creative work I love most. But this time, I decided to try something different. I decided to write whatever images came to mind, as fast as they came to mind, and see where the trail of my subconscious would lead. It was my own exercise in loosing the holds that tie me down. This is what came out. (little note: This was a free write–Writing as fast as I could without editing along the way–always a bit scary to share. )

___________________________________________

Write your love and voice and feel it come up through your throat, a throaty spew of words that come from a place below your bowels. Write like that and feel all this madness untangle and drift in front of you before heading down river. Write and watch the words explode like popcorn, fuller and livelier, consumable. Write and feel yourself wake up, that back room of your brain that the editor keeps padlocked.

The lock is undone, the back door is open. You are wondering how to get out, but your already out–running as fast as the starlings soar. Write and feel your pen run across the tops of your words–leaping, flying and then landing only for a fraction of a second to gain momentum to leap again. Write and feel your insides calm.

Feel your left brain start to fall asleep and your right brain flip the switch to the carnival lights. Go round the carousel as many times as you want, as many times as you can before you get sick. Jump. Leap. Free fall before you let the sickness catch you. Then run again through a long wherehouse of ribbons, ribbons of every color, rolled out, suspended, stretched, hanging like noodles over your head. Run through the colors and feel their textures, feel their vibrance, feel their movement, feel their darkness. Take a smudge of the dark and define the light’s shape to find a doorway from the wherehouse of ribbons to the jungles of Thailand.

Swing with the monkeys, call out before sunrise with the Gibbons. Call louder the 2nd and 3rd time, awakening the jungle inside you–your creative mind. Remember the padlock to the back door is gone, and your creative is already free.

Time to find her. Hide and seek never felt so necessary. Seeking her out in the night, surrounded by the tall evergreens, unable to hear her footsteps because the river’s song keeps washing the sound away. But keep looking. Look in the obscure places to find her in the obvious place–by the campfire, warming herself, dethawing, and hoping to spend the next few hours drawing horses with the stars shapes. Hoping to do it with you.

There she is by the fire. You sit for the first time, unable to catch a deep breath, but time is moving still and she takes your hand and asks you to stretch the imagination–stretch as far as you can–sweat begins to bead on your forehead. You are straining to stretch, the padlock is coming back. The more you strain, the louder the lock clangs against the cement floor.

Up she takes you. Up into the stars. Up where the sky is endless. The stars are moving, burning and inviting as you find yourself transfixed by their light. There are no limits that you can fathom or understand here. A big laugh starts to gurgle inside you and falls out of you, throwing you here and there like a balloon losing its air.

And you find yourself deflated on the cold concrete. Smaller in size than you ever knew. And just as you begin to fear the newfound truth, you here your creative giggle. She is here. Waving to you. Inviting you to run with her again. To fill yourself up again. To fall in love with the filling and emptying and soaring and deflating and filling all over again. Run. Catch her. This is the most alive you know how to be!

__________________________________________________

Thanks for reading along–for being a safe community to share free writes with. Free writes are scary to share, if ever shared.

I hope you catch your creative self today, if only for minutes. And whether you feel full, empty, soaring or deflated–you would take comfort in the fact that you are alive in the process–the creative process.

xoxoxo,

Me Ra

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

What about putting CONFIDENCE on your Christmas Wish List this year!!! We’ve only got FOUR spots left in the January Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop! The November Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop is already sold out! CLICK HERE to get one of the last spots!

Our Refuse to Say Cheese DVD series are now AWARD WINNING! Read the press release HERE ! If you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, check out our popular Instructional DVDs Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box , and our 101 Kits for starting or expanding a business in photography, click on the titles of your choice!

Pascaline transcribed for her and Blaze. They took the word Mother and Father and made their own poems. Pascaline said M stood for Meow because “I’m really sweet.” Do all moms tear up when their kids call you their H for Hero?

Blaze cut out pictures from magazines that reminded him of me. He set each clipping in a specific place on the bed. The display was so sweet, I didn’t want to climb into bed.

I love all the things they thought of for Father. E for Energy. Hmmmm, can the Minneapolis women and all other workshop attendees confirm that? Brian and Energy…:)

I was telling the Minneapolis women this weekend how the feeling of guilt almost ruined everything for me. I used to feel guilty for every single thing. If the business was growing, I felt like a bad mom. If the kids were doing great, I felt like I was neglecting the business. No matter what, I felt like I couldn’t win. My business coach started to work through the guilt issues with me, and these last two years have been amazing. I would even say 98% Guilt Free. And even though crying on the kitchen floor still happens, it’s not often about guilt.

What amazes me is that when Brian and I feel right and good about our choices and what we’re doing, the kids are good. It’s when we don’t feel right that the kids pick up on the stress. Otherwise, if mom and dad are good, they are good. Or even better, Jeff Jochum used to tell me, “If mom is happy, everyone is happy. If dad is unhappy, who cares.”

To come home to such gifts of love, I could hug these two little ones forever and not let go. But then Blaze tells me that he’s getting to hot and needs some space to breathe.

Photos from the Minneapolis Workshop coming tomorrow!

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Our Refuse to Say Cheese DVD series are now AWARD WINNING! Read the press release HERE ! If you haven’t ordered your own copy yet, check out our popular Instructional DVDs Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box , and our 101 Kits for starting or expanding a business in photography, click on the titles of your choice!