In a recent interview, I was asked to talk about what inspires me.  For one of the first times, I didn’t say my kids.  In fact, I didn’t even hesitate with my answer.  I said “Moms inspire me!”  At the Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop this weekend, I was reminded of why this is so deeply true.

Twenty five women come together for a weekend of pursuing their passion.  They are nervous, a little scared, unsure of what to expect, but they bring their whole heart and soul.  And as the weekend unfolds, I watch them discover how deep their joy of photography really goes. They are risking, allowing themselves to be stretched, feeling awkward, but LOOK–joy is also everywhere!

I watch them step out on a limb, not once but several times, pushing their limitations.

I watch a soon-to-be grandma, who had no understanding of Aperture, fall in love with buttery, blurry backgrounds.

As the weekend unfolds, they produce photos that are raw, full of emotion, and beautiful!!  Even though every photo isn’t perfect, EVERY photo is full of passionate effort.  What does this have to do with jelly fish?

There is no proof of safety and security when you pursue your passion.  There is only possibility…and the reality that jelly fish lurk.

I watched Blaze stand on the beach, waves rolling up to meet his toes.  He was weighing the pros and cons.  The day before, he had been stung by a jelly fish.  The pink jelly fish in Thailand can be as big as my arms, circled in the shape of a letter “O”, floating silently along the water’s surface.  The motors of the long tail boats chop the jelly fish up, so that random tentacles are left to float (never losing their sting).  One of those tentacles wrapped around Blaze’s leg–twice–and oh, did it sting.

The locals taught us to grab a dozen green, heart shaped leaves, white vinegar and the mortar and pestle.

Mash the leaves up with the vinegar until you get a thick, green paste.

Pack it on the sting and wait for 30 minutes.  The vinegar helps bring relief to the sting, and the leaves help prevent scarring.

Blaze swears he is done swimming in the ocean for the rest of our trip.  After all, this is the second time he’s been stung.  He’s now one sting ahead of me and Pascaline, and two ahead of dad (of course).  But the next morning, I watch him from a distance.  As the waves roll in, I can see his mind mulling over the idea of risking it again.  Whether he likes it or not, swimming is his passion.  Does he risk it again?  Or does he give up swimming for the rest of the trip?

He whips around and comes running to me.  He just lost his front tooth a few days ago, his smile is wide and toothless.  There is a red line that still shows on his leg, wrapping twice above the knee.  “Can I go swimming this morning?!” he asks.  I smile.  He’s decided.  I know he is nervous, fully aware of the risk he’s taking, but he is still willing to risk again.  I’m so proud of him.  I’m inspired by him.  His passion for swimming is more powerful than the risk of being stung again.

There is no warning of a jellyfish coming your way.  Like unexpected criticism or momentary failures, they can surprise you when you least expect it–when you are swimming–laughing from a place that’s deep withing your belly.  The stings can happen at high tide or low tide.  They can happen whether you know how to swim in deep waters or shallow waters.  And it doesn’t have to be the whole jelly…often the small, unexpected jelly pieces hurt the most.  But, to swim in Thailand, you’ve got to step into the ocean.  You’ve go to risk being stung.  And once it happens to you, you are acutely aware of the fact that it can happen again.  But that’s not all you are aware of…you are also aware of the fact that you will survive another sting just fine–

and possibly love the thrill of swimming that much more.

It’s late Sunday night.  Brian is on his way to pick up the kids from Grammie and Papa’s house.  I change into my pj’s, and I can’t escape the smile I feel inside of me.  Yes, I’m tired after a full workshop weekend.  But I’m also deeply thankful.  I can’t believe that ten times a year, I get to spend the weekend with courageous women who inspire me more than they will ever know.  They are fully aware of the jelly fish lurking, and they still decide to jump in with both feet.  What a sight!  What an amazing sound of joy!  What an inspiration you ALL are to me.

Thank you for this last weekend and all the other weekends we have spent together!  Chicago, I can’t wait to see you end of this month!

xoxo,

m

As we pushed off the dock of our jungle adventure, the rain began to fall.

I can’t think of a better photo to express the sentiment of heading home after such a wonderful family journey.

Even though it’s always sad to leave this magical place, the kids are excited to see their pets and Grammie and Papa (not in any particular order ).  Brian and I are excited to have a break from insect encounters.

And we are CRAZY excited for this weekend’s SOLD OUT Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop!  Holy smoke, some of you ladies are coming from all over the country!  So excited to meet you and have an awesome weekend together!!  We even have the talented, LOVELY women photographers, Julie Watts and Tessa Gilbertson, coming to help out with the live shoots!  What a rich, wonderful time we’ve got this weekend!

Safe travels to everyone!

xoxo,

m

It’s the second week of the month, and I LOVE this week because that means all you SOARing ladies get a new photography exercise!  In April, we focused on Capturing Conflict, and our SOAR! Recipients rocked it with their examples!  In March, we focused on Defining Details. This month, we break away from zooming in real close; we go WIDE.  Our focus this month is Settings–but not just any Settings.  We want Settings with a Purpose!

The Setting is something that is easy to forget.  I love photographing people, so I easily get caught up in their emotions, facial expressions, gestures, connections.  But where were we?  Where did the story take place?  And could the Setting shots be just as important as the subjects?

We don’t need a ton of Setting shots.  But it’s important to have a few.  As I looked at this photo exercise from last year, I was reminded that we were in Angkor Wat, Cambodia! This year, the timing has magically worked for me to bring you Setting shots from the jungle depths of Southern Thailand!

Our journey to the Lake, a national, wildlife preserve, was ALL about Setting!  We started in the Setting of a bus with forty Thai people for two hours,

and then we got in a long tail boat and headed up lake for an hour.  This is when our setting shots went wide as our surroundings transformed.

Massive limestone rocks, jetting out from the lake’s belly, sometimes passing through the clouds with a lonely, long tail boat to witness their magnificence.

The farther up lake you ahead, the farther away civilization feels.  You can feel the weight of the jungle start to rest on your chest.  And then to turn the corner, to reach the tip of the lake, and see our floating bamboo huts…

Since the lake is a natural, wildlife preserve, you aren’t aloud to sleep on land.  Everything is floating and the depth of the lake, right in front of our huts is over 100 meters deep.  This made me a little nervous because Blaze is just on the brink of becoming a confident, solo swimmer.  Up until the lake, he still loved the safety of being able to “touch the bottom of the pool”…no bottom to touch here.  After a couple hours of wearing a life jacket, Blaze decided to prove he knew how to swim and that was that.  He was a jumping fish for the rest of our time!

Our homes for the next part of our journey; me and Pascaline together and dad and Blaze together.  Picture a bamboo hut that is barely big enough for a single queen mattress on the floor with a mosquito net to cover you–oh! and a back door that is nothing but the lake when you open it.  Why the back door?  Well, just in case you need to pee in the night, pop that door open and hold on to your hut as you squat!

The Setting is why you go to the lake.  I’ve never experienced anything like it.  This is truly the most amazing corner of the world.  You can float on an inner tube and listen to Wild Elephants trumpet!  Yes, WILD ELEPHANTS live around this lake and forge a path of broken bamboo and trees to reach the lake’s edge for a drink of water!  That’s how jungley we were!

At sunrise you hear four or five families of Gibbon Apes calling out to each other from all directions.  You hear the cawing of HUGE Horn Bill birds and then watch these four foot giants fly over your head.

And at night, if your lucky, you may hear a Jaguar roar as she confronts a wild pig on the land right behind your floating hut!  The only part that isn’t as much fun is the mammoth spiders–yeah, never get excited about spiders, especially when they are bigger than both my hands put together.  But Brian took the cake with his hiking experience!  Did I mention the leaches that inched through the shoe lace holes in Brian’s shoes and bloodied his feet?  It wasn’t enough to be floating on the water, in the middle of a jungle, he wanted to be in it up to his knees…and the jungle welcomed him with open arms!  Brian, JK and a group of Thai men (who went barefoot) definitely found adventure with trying to get leaches off their legs and feet, only to find them on their hands and arms!  YUCK!

I told him that I was drawing the line with a hike this year for me and the kids when I found out leaches could be a big part of the hike–SO GLAD I OPTED OUT!  And don’t ask me why I don’t have a picture of his bloody feet!  Disgusting! 

As you look at these photos, you’ll notice how sometimes they are WIDE horizontals and other times TALL verticals.  Instead of zooming in and focusing on the emotion of my subjects, I’m documenting where we were, what surrounded us, the atmosphere and mood.  I’m playing with different levels of Saturation in Lightroom to see if I like more of a muted color or more vibrant color–no right or wrong–just playing.  If you love capturing people, Setting is something that is easy to forget.  So what about a photo exercise to heighten our awareness of the Settings in our everyday lives?  What about going abroad within your home?  I know that my home OFTEN feels like a jungle!  Ha!

What about walking through your home, pretending you have special photography glasses on and seeing your home as a collection of different settings.  What are the Settings that you live in and see everyday?  Which one of these Settings are incredibly significant to your family?  What creative things happen in these spaces?

Blaze loves to build Blanket Forts in the living room.  I wanted to capture the Setting shot of him reading under his Blanket Forts b/c this is a Setting that is built and torn down every week in our home.  This is a Setting that I will want to remember when he’s grown tired of Blanket Forts.  You can CLICK HERE to see different Photography Assignment around the Setting of his Blanket Fort.

Below is the photography exercise I gave to our three SOAR! Recipients!  We give them a little lead time so they can be ready to share their results with you for this week.  Rachel posted her Setting photos today on the SOAR! blog, and she did an AWESOME job!  Charisse and Ali are up for tomorrow and Thursday!  And I invite you to share yours on the SOARORITY forum!

Photography Exercise #3:  Settings with a Purpose

You will be working with the same two subjects you chose for the Defining Details and Capturing Conflict exercise.  Work at capturing Settings that are significant to your subjects.  This could be their bedroom, a favorite room in the house, maybe it’s not even a room.  Maybe it’s a space they’ve created.  Maybe the Setting is outside.

The Setting you capture has a purpose.  It allows us to see where the story is taking place.  The Setting adds dimension to their overall story.   The Settings tells us more about our subject.

Your assignment is to post 4-5 images of Settings with a Purpose (think 2-3 favorites from your shoots with each subject) on the SOARORITY forum so we can all get a look!  And please speak up if you want constructive criticism or a BIG pat on the shoulder for doing it!

Our photo focus with the SOAR gals is on the Art of Storytelling–and this summer we’ll take it up a notch!  Regardless of technical know-how, storytelling images are what impacts people.  And you can get storytelling image on Auto Mode with a little direction.

Looking forward to seeing how you capture Settings at SOARORITY!

Much love from the four of us!

Me Ra, Brian, Pasci and Blazey

p.s.  To learn more about capturing Settings and other Story Telling Elements that you can capture with your camera, check out our Award Winning DVDS, Refuse to Say Cheese and Beyond the Green Box!

p.s.s. I asked the SOAR! Recipients if they’d like to do a special blog post on the theme of Mothers for May.  One day is never enough to celebrate how beautiful moms are.  They said “YES!” and I’ll be sprinkling their posts throughout the month to honor you and all the other moms you know.  Ali started us off yesterday, and it was just beautiful, beautiful, beautiful.  If you haven’t had a chance to read it, CLICK HERE to read “A Mother’s Sole”.  Thank you Ali!   (to read more of Ali’s SOAR! journey, CLICK HERE!)

So excited for tonight’s Ask&Learn, and THRILLED with all your emails and FB pings that tell me how much you love these monthly events on the SOARORITY forum!  Thank you Wendy for helping us keep the SOAR! Forum and Amazing Mom blog posts coming while we are abroad!  (We LOVE you WENDY!)

When we last talked, I was telling you how “relieved” I was to be off the Crystal Chair and headed back down the mountain.  Little did I know that we would be hiking over sharp rocks like this–leaving you nowhere to sit or place your hand.

And then, we’d move from sharp rocks to repelling down a ledge that is to steep to climb.  Remember how I said in Part One that “I’ve got this!”  Ha!  Well, at this point I wasn’t feeling as confident.  But Blaze, holy cow, I’ve never seen him so excited about anything!  It must have something to do with turning seven TODAY!

He took one look at the ledge we were repelling down (with not being roped in!) and was first to go (AGAIN!).

When it’s my turn, I’m freaked.  Here’s the thing.  If I’m roped in, I don’t have an issue with heights or rock climbing.  But when I’m not roped in, I’m known to opt for the elevator instead of the escalator.  I’m not sure what it is, but I start to feel so dizzy–everything spinning more and more.  So I “ungracefully” try to make my way down this little ledge.  And you can see the kids are “super” concerned for the danger that mom feels like she’s in.

This picture just cracks me up b/c I’m terrified at this moment, and my kids are like “Dad, can we keep going?  I’m bored.”

But at some point, someone asks me if I peed my pants.  And I’m like “what?”

Then I look down, and I’m like “WHAT?!…BRIAN, STOP TAKING PICTURES!!”

It’s simply ridiculous how much you sweat in the jungle!  But the fun has only started.  Our friends, JK and Kelley, ask me to turn around to see where we are headed next.  See that black cave behind me?  There is another fun rope to repel in there too!  Except this time, you go over the ledge into pitch black.  If I wasn’t peeing my pants before, I am now!

So the youngest takes the lead because…why not?!  He has the whole way, right?!

Repelling into a space that is lit–that you can SEE– is overrated, right?!

And here goes mom!

And since it takes mom a while to get down, Brian entertains himself because he is super worried for me. 

While the kids wander off into the black cave–with only their headlamps to light the way.

The darkness of the cave and the stalactites were incredibly moving!  The whole experience of being in the darkness with these huge chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, reminded of a favorite passage from Julia Cameron’s The Artist Way;  Creativity—like human life itself—begins in darkness.  Ideas, like stalactites and stalagmites, form in the dark inner cave of consciousness.  They form in drips and drops, not by squared—off building blocks…Let them grow in dark and mystery.  Let them form on the roof of our consciousness.  Let them hit the page in droplets.”

It’s as if they are reaching down to give you a big KISS!

As you exit the cave, there is one last treasure to explore.  But I’m saving that for another post. 

So…imagine being in this somewhat remote area twenty years ago, when it was SUPER remote.   Imagine a guy and his friend deciding to go exploring in the jungle, bringing along their ropes, headlamps, with no idea of what they might encounter.  They see tracks and decide to follow them up the side of the limestone cliff where they find the Crystal Chair.  And instead of going back the way they came, they go a different route to find ledges that require repelling and a black cave.  IMAGINE repelling into that black cave with no idea of how far down it goes.  INSANE for me to even think about!  I love adventure, but I love it being tested and approved first.    It’s brave men like Dicky and his friend, who are comfortable pioneering a path, that twenty years later my family gets to try.  A HUGE thank you to Dicky!  He is an awesome guy who discovered a buried treasure–for real!!  A CRAZY HUGE thanks to our dear friends, JK and Kelley, for taking us on the Crystal Chair hike and helping the kids every step.  And a thanks to the Creator for this beautiful corner of the world that holds endless magic whether it’s on the beach with Shway the Turtle or in a black cave with a headlamp to guide your way.

We are headed up to a special lake for our last few days!  We are so excited!!  For the last four years, our friends have been telling us we have to go because it’s like entering Jurassic Park because of how BIG the wildlife is!  We take a long tail for 30 minutes, then a two hour drive farther into the jungle, and then a hour long tail boat up the lake to where our one room bungalow floats on top of the water and wildlife surrounds awaits!  No internet there!    We’ll update you when we reach Bangkok!  Wish us luck and wonder!  (And a special Mother’s Day greeting tomorrow from me and my two yogis!)

xoxo,

m

p.s.  THREE more days till Mother’s Day!!  Yahoo!!  It’s a holiday I ADORE!!   Need ideas? Here’s three!

1.  We’ve got ONE spot left in our Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop in two weeks!  CLICK HERE for juicy details!

2.  We’ve got TWO spots left in our Chicago CONFIDENCE Workshop (end of month)!  CLICK HERE for juicy details!

3.  I’ve got ONE Mini Session spot left for Chicago–family portraits for MOM!  Email Genie at genie@merakoh.com for details!

4.  Cancel three, there are four!    Best selling, YOUR BABY IN PICTURES, book!  Woo-hoo!!!

We did the most amazing (SCARY) trek this week!  Our friends who live here full time, showed us the secret trail to the Crystal Chair.  Every ten minutes, our landscape changed from trekking straight into the jungle brush (the kind of jungle brush that is so heavy and thick, you DON’T consider going through it, until your fearless leader says “This WAY!”–and you say “what?”) to balancing on a ledge of sheer rock to venturing into a cave that is pitch black dark.

After you get through the thick jungle brush, you descend through huge boulders.  And up to this point, I’m thinking ‘I’ve got this!’

Then the trail opens up, and you are running up a mountainside, gaining more and more height–loving the thrill of what is now and what is next.

And when you least expect it (because you feel like you’ve been trekking upward forever in the insane, sticky heat), you find yourself on a ledge–one last climb away from sitting in the Crystal Chair.  So of course, we put the youngest to the test first.  (What? I know, ridiculous and not my idea.)

But love “this” view that Brian captured.

Let me just say that I think Brian and our fearless leader, JK (see his arm below), planned to put the kids in the Crystal Chair before mom because if mom would have known how high,

and how steep this chair was, “ummmm”, without being roped in, I would have settled for looking up at the Crystal Chair,

taking a snapshot, and heading back down the limestone cliff.

But no, this is what happens when you start your daughter in rock climbing at 7 years old in Thailand.

When she’s ten, instead of being fearful of heights, she is FEARLESS (which makes her mom sweat even MORE!).  And she ignores mom telling her to slow down and decides to be a little “show off”. 

What is the Crystal Chair?  It is this small, throne-like hole in the wall of the cliff that is embedded with natural crystals.  Beautiful.

After we all take our turn in sitting in the Crystal Chair, mom is relieved to be heading back down…having no idea what the next part of the journey is.

So relieved to be off the cliff, and out of the Crystal Chair heights, with no clue that what comes next will scare her and challenge her so much that everyone will wonder if she peed her pants (and photos will be taken without her consent!).

Yep, that’s Part 2!  Stay tuned! 

xoxo,

m

p.s.  Mother’s Day is THIS Sunday!!  Yahoo!!  It’s a holiday I ADORE!!   Need ideas? Here’s three!

1.  We’ve got ONE spot left in our Seattle CONFIDENCE Workshop in two weeks!  CLICK HERE for juicy details!

2.  We’ve got TWO spots left in our Chicago CONFIDENCE Workshop (end of month)!  CLICK HERE for juicy details!

3.  I’ve got ONE Mini Session spot left for Chicago–family portraits for MOM!  Email Genie at genie@merakoh.com for details!

4.  Cancel three, there are four!    Best selling, YOUR BABY IN PICTURES, book!  Woo-hoo!!!

Let the Mother’s Day countdown begin!

In the thick afternoon heat of the jungle,

sometimes the only place to escape is

under

the ceiling fan, surrounded by open

windows with a blank page and

ready pen.

xoxo,

m

________________________________________________________________________

Announcing our Running on Empty Winner for Seattle!

It was a very difficult choice, as it always. We ask our panel to not be swayed by the number of nominations for one person, and the numbers were overwhelming! Each one of you so deserving, with touching and heart wrenching stories to tell. I know the road is difficult for many of you, others filled with new possibilities.

As you know Me Ra and Brian try to include one deserving woman–a mom Running on Empty–per workshop. Then a hard working panel of past winners read the nominations and cast votes. It’s an honor, privilege and no cake walk to do. Me Ra and Brian honor each one of you – whether others nominated you or you nominated yourself. We always say this, but it’s so true: Your strength, love and passion are beautiful to witness, especially through times of hardship. Thank you again for sharing your stories and those of loved ones.

Our winner for the Seattle Confidence Workshop is …Andrea! We didn’t ask for full names – but you know who you are! Here is the story of her journey from her nomination:

“There are so many stories of heart-break and trial, suffering and overcoming, need and desperate hope. As I read the nominations of the women who have been nominated, I am struck by the journey and courage of each one. So, I submit myself today in empathy and awe of each woman.

I saw this announcement with just hours to spare and still in the midst of the most difficult season of my life. Honestly, it’s very difficult for me to share, humbling in so many ways. Bringing the truth of my circumstances into the light leaves me feeling VERY vulnerable. Yet, I do this in a step of faith, knowing how Me Rah has inspired me both professionally and personally. Knowing that I had hoped to have this opportunity and suddenly, the opportunity has presented itself.

Almost four years ago, my family moved here from across the country. My husband, 4 year old son and I. We had enjoyed a beautiful summer here the year before and so, when a job opened up, we packed up all we owned, left all we knew and started a new life. It seemed full of possibilities and excitement, but I was soon to enter a season of great loss.

The moment we pulled in our new driveway, my phone rang. My father, whom I adored, who we had just left 2,000 miles away and who had been cleared of his cancer, was calling to say it had returned and the doctor wasn’t hopeful. His precious, last six months, I was too far away to walk with him. Still, we dived into our new life, as he wanted us to, and I spent many, many phone calls cherishing every moment I could with him. I was grateful to spend the last month by his side and blessed to be the last person with him before he died.

Just a few months later, my step-daughter and her two young sons arrived for short visit. Only once in our home, she shared that she had no home to return to. We talked through her options and offered to let her stay with us, hoping to help her get back on her feet and start a new life. It was a hard thing to take on immediately after such a loss, but worthy of the sacrifice, we believed. Her time with us wasn’t always easy. Suddenly, my son had two other little boys sharing their mommy’s attention. Three extra people in the house made for tight quarters. But it gave all of us a great opportunity to learn, from littlest child to oldest adult, about sharing, growing, forgiveness, boundaries. Still, when it was time for them to move into their own home, my step-daughter chose to distance herself and we didn’t hear from her again. Once before we had attempted to help her in a crisis and we were beginning to see a pattern that broke our hearts, both for her, her children and our relationship.

During her last few months with us, my husband received notice that he was being laid off. We had moved here so he could take a position with a large home-builder…just months before the mortgage industry crashed. While he was a rising star in the company, the company itself was suffering more and more. He was able to survive three lay-offs before finally, the company had no choice but to let him go as well.

I don’t know if it was the stress of all that we had experienced, the move, new job and then loss of job, stressess and losses, but just months later, my husband of 20 years left as well. My son, who had always been full of life and joy, was suddenly shattered and sullen and I wasn’t much better myself. Through prayer and friendship, God gave me the strength to overcome each day, to help my son through his grief and make his life as normal as possible.

Over the past 1 1/2, my husband and I have been separated and much of that time seeking counsel to see if the healing could come to restore our family. But then another devastating wave came. The women my husband had a short affair with announced she had had a child and it has proven to be his. It has shaken us to the core, because our son is adopted. We were never able to conceive and doctors told us it would be impossible for my husband to do so. It’s hard to explain the loss and pain I felt at this news. Years of painful infertility, I once thought healed, has been reopened and in a way that feels tragic and brutal. Some days it has been hard to get out of bed. The desire to hide from any more pain has been incredibly real and tempting.

The fire of the trials has brought all of the impurities to the surface in my heart and in our relationship. It is a disarming and humbling experience. I once had what felt like a normal, healthy, loving family and adventurous life. Things seemed predictable and it was a way of life I thought I could count on. Now, everything I have known has changed. I have moved away from everyone I love and who loves me, but have found friends here just for this season and my God who is with me wherever I go. My family isn’t looking like I had dreamed it would, but with everything in me, I know good is coming from this. I don’t see it fully yet, I don’t know what the future holds, but I have grown so much. I have the love of a beautiful son. I moment by moment choose to lay back and rest in the arms of the only One who can save me and moment by moment, day by day, I find victory, help, new strength and life, chosing to be forgive and live from as healthy a place as possible.

It isn’t easy though. Even financially, I make it one day at a time. My attempt to find work that fits my life right now has been a dead-end. But despite that, I took my tax return and took a HUGE leap of faith and bought a new camera. Years ago I had a wonderful film camera. My son’s first year home I KNOW I took more than 3,000 pictures just of him…and that was film! But with the cost being more than I could do, I settled for a little point and shoot that had me completely uninspired. I purchased my DSLR and the next day got on a plane to shoot my nephews graduation from Basic Training. I had said that I would never shoot weddings…but in May, my first real photo shoot is…you guessed it, a wedding! Having this outlet once again has been a breathe of life in a weary soul. I LOVE to capture life with my camera. I believe this is a new door for me, a place to inspire me and bless others and hopefully a way to provide a little extra income for my son and I.

Confidence. It’s a word that has taken on great meaning to me in this season. I realize now how little I used to have of it and how what I did have was shattered because of the loss and hurt. But, it’s also been a challenge and a promise to me. Rise up! Don’t be afraid! Take courage! You will walk in confidence! Believe it!

I don’t know what the future holds. But I do know this, I walk towards joy, life and confidence.

Thank you for considering me and all the worthy nominees!”

Andrea, one of our judges said, “She has endured such a long season of pain, that she truly deserves to be inspired and treasured for a weekend!!” I know we all completely agree. Email me at genie@merakoh.com and let me know if you can make it happen!

Please help us congratulate Andrea!

We heard a sudden crashing yesterday.  It was a distant sound, and then suddenly it was upon us.  A white figure moved through the trees outside our house, swinging from limb to limb with such force and determination, we couldn’t help but stand in awe.  Some people live here for years and never see what I refer to as the “White Ghost”.  Our last encounter with one of these majestic beings was last year.  Pascaline was reaching her climax of pain and high temperatures with the Dengue Fever.  The Dengue is often called the “bone breaker” because you feel like your bones are being crushed while you fever.  She cried out thinking her nose had broken off, and it was all we could do to hold her down and try to calm her.  And then the White Ghost came, but not just one, three or four.  Over Pascaline’s high pitched screams, the even louder whooping, whirling sounds of the Gibbon Apes encircled our house.  In that moment, Pascaline felt held–loved by the jungle.  That was the last time, we saw a White Ghost…until yesterday.

You hear the crashing sound first.  It sounds like a large body is falling through the trees, breaking every limb in its path.  And then, if you are lucky, you’ll see the white figure go swinging by–from branch to branch to branch–flawless at acrobatics in the canopy above you.  Not only did we see the White Ghost go flying by, but we watched him climb up the tree that looks over our house.

He climbed the tree and sat in the branches, exposed, looking down on us.  After five minutes of him staying put, the kids ran to tell our friends to come–come and see the White Ghost.  and he stayed for almost 15 minutes, looking down over our home.  People couldn’t believe how “out in the open” he was.  We couldn’t believe how long he stayed.  It was a magical moment.

When magic rises up around you, you can’t help but wonder the unusual, the unlikely, or impossible…can he recognize our scent? Does he remember Pascaline?  Is he even one of the three that came to her last year?  Is he watching over us, letting us know he is still here?  Is this moment random?  Am I silly for even wondering any of these things?

Without warning, he turned and leaped off the tree and swung away.  Those that live here full time expressed how rare this was–how amazing.  Our hearts were full of magic and wonder.

And then yesterday, in the late afternoon, the crashing sound came again.  At a time of day, when you rarely hear or see a Gibbon, the White Ghost came swinging through the trees again–the same blur of wonder.  Up the tree he climbed, and there he sat for almost twenty minutes.

I’m convinced that the White Ghost is watching over us.

What do you think?

xo,

m

Happy belated Easter to everyone from the jungles of Thailand!

We’ve been here for almost a week, catching up on sleep, sun, lots of coconut shakes, Thai massage and Green Curry! But the wildlife, the wildlife is blowing us away.  Every time we turn around, nature surprises us.  For example, meet Shway, our new tortoise friend.  She sleeps all day, but at 5pm she wakes up and heads out for a sunset stroll.  The kids have been asked to do Tortoise Duty in the evening to make sure Shway doesn’t wander too far.

I LOVE that they have Tortoise Duty.  Hilarious!  Only in this corner of the world!

Many more stories and photos to come this week!

xoxo,

m

p.s. Tomorrow, meet a few beautiful moms and their babies who were brave enough to go on TV with me!

p.s.s.  A BIG thank you to Lynda Kennedy for all that she generously shared during the Ask & Learn last week!  Girl, I heard you ROCKED IT!!  Thank you SO MUCH for your time and big heart to help other women get off the ground!!  Love YOU!

The Gibbon Apes were singing in my dreams the other night.  I could hear their whooping sounds echoing through the jungles of Thailand as the sun rose in the distance.  The morning heat was already thick, and I pushed back the vegetation with hopes of seeing the Gibbons up in the jungle’s canopy.  They spotted me as they moved through the trees, every so often turning to see if I was following.

A small hand holds mine.  I look down.  Pascaline is in my dream.  She is smiling at my side.  We are not worried about mosquito bites that can give us Dengue Fever.  I’m not concerned with how remote we are.  I am fully caught up in the pull I feel, the call I hear to venture home–a home where my heart unfolds and I feel beautiful, alive and replenished.

I’ve been carrying that dream inside me for months, unsure of how to act.  On one hand, I am terrified of the idea of going back.  I couldn’t even talk about it with Brian.  The Dengue Fever and all it’s pain still feels close.  I hesitate to see the bed that I twisted and turned in, night after night, with bone breaking pain that left me and Pascaline delirious for days.  I don’t want to recall the memory of Brian and I holding Pascaline down, as she screamed with fierceness because she believed her nose had broken off.

Instead, I want to be lulled to sleep by the soft purring of the long tail boats that head out to fish in the evening.  I want to close my eyes and hear the Cicada beetles singing, so loud and so powerfully, that I can’t hear my own thoughts any longer as I drown in their song.  I want to watch my kids play with the Langur Monkeys, who with white faces, turn the head back and forth, trying to assess our funny habits of living–watching me shower every morning.  I want to break out in laughter, clinging to Brian under the mosquito net, as we watch the big fruit bats swoop over our heads and pray that they won’t rip through the thin white divider that separates us.  I want to wake to the Gibbons sunrise songs, make my way to the lonely, blue waters, and swim–feeling all my senses awaken.

Is it worth the risk of a mosquito bite carrying Dengue Fever–again?  Odds are that it will not happen again, but those were the odds before.  Are all the things I love and miss, the things that make our home on stilts in the jungle worth the unknown that awaits us?

Six weeks ago.  We are finishing up dinner.  Brian poses the question of returning.  Pascaline sits quiet.  She ponders the question.  I can tell she is recalling her own memories of being sick, and then her big brown eyes look up at me with wonder.  “I miss the jungle mom.  I miss running through the trees and then realizing the monkeys were right above you all along.  I miss playing in the water.  I miss the Thai people calling me Gasoline because they can’t say Pascaline!  I miss the jungle singing me to sleep.  Yes,” she looks at Brian, “Yes, I think it’s worth the risk.”

My brave little one.  Her courage leads the way.

This morning I get in from NY at 10am.  Tonight at 8pm, we board a plane to Thailand.  I have pictured myself backing out a hundred times.  But as a family, we have decided to return to our house in the jungle.  We are all a little unsure of what it will feel like when the first mosquito bites.  But in our hearts, we know that the idea of avoiding this second home–this place our family has come to love…is not an option.

Brian, Blaze, Pascaline and I sat in the living room together and recommitted to traveling abroad–to taking risks–understanding more than ever that some trips will be WONDERFUL, but not all trips.  And yet, every trip will shape us into the creative people we were meant to be.

I fell asleep last night with a smile that came from deep within.  I’m returning home.  And even though fear gripped me when Brian first proposed the question…peace greets me now.  The time has come.  It is a deep peace that waits for me on the water’s edge, where the jungle grows tall and the apes play and sing in the canopy, and the heat is thick and the laughter and singing and dreaming are all rich.

I will see you on the other side friends!  While we make our way back home, taking four planes and a long tail boat, Genie and Wendy have wonderful things up their sleeves for the blog this week.

I’ll be updating you from the jungle soon!  Cheers to not living in fear!

xoxo,

m

As May comes to a close, it’s hard for me to believe that we’ve been back from Thailand for almost two months.  There is so much turmoil in Bangkok that it’s hard to believe since we were just there.  I take long walks in the morning and evening, and I find myself re-approaching our time—the ups and downs of our two month adventure.

One of the ups was an awesome UP.  Before we went to Cambodia (and go the Dengue fever), Brian and I took the kids to Phi Phi Relax Beach Resort.  I’d heard about this spot over three years ago before our first trip to Thailand.

Back then you could reserve a bungalow on the beach for $30!  It’s double now, but still, it’s pretty cheap compared to a hotel room in Maui.  If the travel bug is buzzing around you, and you are looking for a wonderful place to take your kids, bookmark this page for when you are ready!

Welcome to Phi Phi Relax Beach Resort!  The BEST Family vacation spot in Southern Thailand!  You take a two hour ferry from Krabi or Phuket to Koh Phi Phi (an island that was hit pretty hard by the Tsunami and has since rebuilt itself into amazing vacation spot).  After you arrive in Koh Phi Phi, you get in a long tail boat with your backpacks and go another thirty minutes to the East side of the island.

Where you eventually come to this lone, private beach that a handful of bungalows share.

If you want to R-E-L-A-X, this is the best place.  Most people are only there a few days and wish they’d stayed longer.  I’d say a 7-10 day stay is perfect.  You’ve got one restaurant to eat from.  This fact kept us unsure of whether or not to go, but let me tell you, the food ROCKS!  Huge menu, open aired, and so laid back—you won’t be disappointed.

When we were there, there were Italian kids, French kids, Swedish kids—all speaking three languages.  Pascaline and Blaze were the only Americans.  At one point, they realized that all the other kids were talking English for their benefit.  Blaze decided he wants to learn a few more languages because English doesn’t seem to be enough now.

While you relax on the beach, the kids run around combing the beach and chasing the monkeys.  It’s this wonderful, safe atmosphere that serves up the most amazing sunsets.  And if you’d like, you can sign up for a hour Thai massage on the beach which costs $8-$10 dollars.

If you need to get away from your home base, you can rent a long tail boat for the day and check out Bamboo Beach.  This is part of a neighboring island that is one of my favorite white sand beaches in Southern Thailand.  The kids can snorkel away (or just sit on the beach with their snorkel on and pretend to be snorkeling.  )

The town of Koh Phi Phi is only a 30 minute hike away.  But yes, the hike goes through the jungle.  You may remember my blog post about encountering a BIG monkey or ape when me and the kids got lost on our way back from town—hiking over this ridge.  (click on the pink words to see more photos of this wonderful place!)

It was a scary moment but well worth the visit, not to mention the great stories the kids now have to tell to all their friends at home. 

Check out Phi Phi Relax Beach’s website.  Depending on the season of year, prices per bungalow go up or down.  And if they are available, it is so worth the extra dollars to reserve the Ocean/Beach front bungalows!

Oh wait!   I almost forgot.  When the tide comes in, you can put the kids on an air mattress with snorkels and masks and float out to the edge of the reef where the BEST snorkeling exists.  We are talking hundreds and hundreds of different types of fish from Nemo’s family to Blue Spotted Manta Rays.

And if you go, you’ll have to email me and let me know!

xoxo,

Me Ra

p.s.  Don’t miss Oprah today!  Oprah’s Special Episode for Nate Berkus with a couple peak-a-boo spotlights of Mamabloo and our portrait work happens today!

p.s.s.  We are working on our Fall Schedule for our CONFIDENCE Workshops.  I’m going to post a poll this week that asks you to vote on what cities we should visit in the Fall.  So get ready ladies!  Your city may be up for voting!  And if you have a city suggestion, leave it in today’s comments!