As May comes to a close, it’s hard for me to believe that we’ve been back from Thailand for almost two months.  There is so much turmoil in Bangkok that it’s hard to believe since we were just there.  I take long walks in the morning and evening, and I find myself re-approaching our time—the ups and downs of our two month adventure.

One of the ups was an awesome UP.  Before we went to Cambodia (and go the Dengue fever), Brian and I took the kids to Phi Phi Relax Beach Resort.  I’d heard about this spot over three years ago before our first trip to Thailand.

Back then you could reserve a bungalow on the beach for $30!  It’s double now, but still, it’s pretty cheap compared to a hotel room in Maui.  If the travel bug is buzzing around you, and you are looking for a wonderful place to take your kids, bookmark this page for when you are ready!

Welcome to Phi Phi Relax Beach Resort!  The BEST Family vacation spot in Southern Thailand!  You take a two hour ferry from Krabi or Phuket to Koh Phi Phi (an island that was hit pretty hard by the Tsunami and has since rebuilt itself into amazing vacation spot).  After you arrive in Koh Phi Phi, you get in a long tail boat with your backpacks and go another thirty minutes to the East side of the island.

Where you eventually come to this lone, private beach that a handful of bungalows share.

If you want to R-E-L-A-X, this is the best place.  Most people are only there a few days and wish they’d stayed longer.  I’d say a 7-10 day stay is perfect.  You’ve got one restaurant to eat from.  This fact kept us unsure of whether or not to go, but let me tell you, the food ROCKS!  Huge menu, open aired, and so laid back—you won’t be disappointed.

When we were there, there were Italian kids, French kids, Swedish kids—all speaking three languages.  Pascaline and Blaze were the only Americans.  At one point, they realized that all the other kids were talking English for their benefit.  Blaze decided he wants to learn a few more languages because English doesn’t seem to be enough now.

While you relax on the beach, the kids run around combing the beach and chasing the monkeys.  It’s this wonderful, safe atmosphere that serves up the most amazing sunsets.  And if you’d like, you can sign up for a hour Thai massage on the beach which costs $8-$10 dollars.

If you need to get away from your home base, you can rent a long tail boat for the day and check out Bamboo Beach.  This is part of a neighboring island that is one of my favorite white sand beaches in Southern Thailand.  The kids can snorkel away (or just sit on the beach with their snorkel on and pretend to be snorkeling.  )

The town of Koh Phi Phi is only a 30 minute hike away.  But yes, the hike goes through the jungle.  You may remember my blog post about encountering a BIG monkey or ape when me and the kids got lost on our way back from town—hiking over this ridge.  (click on the pink words to see more photos of this wonderful place!)

It was a scary moment but well worth the visit, not to mention the great stories the kids now have to tell to all their friends at home. 

Check out Phi Phi Relax Beach’s website.  Depending on the season of year, prices per bungalow go up or down.  And if they are available, it is so worth the extra dollars to reserve the Ocean/Beach front bungalows!

Oh wait!   I almost forgot.  When the tide comes in, you can put the kids on an air mattress with snorkels and masks and float out to the edge of the reef where the BEST snorkeling exists.  We are talking hundreds and hundreds of different types of fish from Nemo’s family to Blue Spotted Manta Rays.

And if you go, you’ll have to email me and let me know!

xoxo,

Me Ra

p.s.  Don’t miss Oprah today!  Oprah’s Special Episode for Nate Berkus with a couple peak-a-boo spotlights of Mamabloo and our portrait work happens today!

p.s.s.  We are working on our Fall Schedule for our CONFIDENCE Workshops.  I’m going to post a poll this week that asks you to vote on what cities we should visit in the Fall.  So get ready ladies!  Your city may be up for voting!  And if you have a city suggestion, leave it in today’s comments!

It’s Monday morning, and I thought I’d do something different this by writing a post for all the little ones out there.   Enjoy!

Meet Mr. Tookay!  He lived in our jungle house.  Have you ever seen a Gecko?  Mr. Tookay kind of looks like a Gecko except he is like a GIGANTICA Gecko!  He has green, scaly skin with blue spots that almost glow in the dark.  And check out his webbed feet!  Aren’t those feet cool!

When it gets dark outside, Mr. Tookay crawls out from his hiding place and hangs from the ceiling in our bathroom.  You see, our bathroom was outside not inside!  Yep, when we went pee in the middle of the night we’d have big, GIGANTICA Tookay’s above our heads, and sometimes a crazy bat would fly by too.  There were also two owls that would say “Whooo-Whoooo” all night long, until the wild cats went “RAAAAAAR!”  I guess the owls knew who the “Whoooo” was and decided to keep it zipped for the rest of the night.

But wait!  We can’t forget about those marching ants!  You always had to check the toilet for ants before you sat down.  Yuck!  They’d line up in a straight line, one right in front of the other, and march all around your toilet and sink.  It looked like someone drew a long, squiggly line all over the toilet, until you got a little closer and realized it was those rascally marching ants again!  Who wants to sit on an ant when you go potty!  But the funny thing is that when you sat on the ants, you’d end up squishing them!

You have to be kind of brave to get up and go potty at night when you live in the jungle.  To tell you the truth, I’m a bit of a scaredy cat.  So I would try to hold it all night if I had to go.  But my little girl, Pascaline, was SUPER brave.  She’s nine years old—a big third grader.   She wants to be a photographer who takes pictures of tigers to save them.  I can see her doing a job like that because of how brave she is at night!

That girl gets up every night to go potty at the same time.  She was never scared of walking in the dark to find the bathroom.  Can you believe that?  Sometimes there were even bats hanging above her head, chewing on big seeds, making a mess all over our floor.

Someday, if you go to the jungles in Thailand, pray that you’ve got a Tookay in your bathroom!  You’ll know it if you do because you’ll either see one or hear them.  They get real loud and squeal “TOOOO-KAAAAAAAY!  TOOOOO-KAAAAAAAY!”  They are the BEST!

They will eat up all the flying ants for you.  Why is this so cool?  Well, you can take a shower and not worry about any flying ants bugging you because the Tookay’s are eating them up for you.  Tookay’s are your friend.  And I promised Mr. Tookay that if he kept an eye out for flying ants, I would show all the kids how handsome he is with his blue spots.  You see, Mr. Tookay thinks he is very handsome.  What do you think?

xoxo,

Me Ra

We are home as of late last night.  I can’t tell you how good it is to be home, in my own bed, in my kitchen, with my mom brining dinner over tonight.  Brian and I feel dead to the world from jet lag, but the kids act as if we just got back from the park!  Their energy is killing us to say the least!  But it’s so good, so good, SO GOOD to be home.  My mom’s already got me started on a digestive cleanse as of tonight—to get my body back up and running.

Blaze’s hungry tummy woke us all up at 5am this morning, so I lit a candle and dove into my Morning Pages while watching the sunrise.  I journaled about how I feel small upon returning.  I feel small in a good way.  Our trip was full of moments that were enormous, some were almost to hard to bear and others lifted and inspired us to magical measures.  But it’s good to come home feeling small—feeling small sometimes makes me feel weak.  There is no weakness this time around. 

As I sort through the thousands of images we shot, this one is a favorite when I think about my Morning Pages this morning.  Brian shot this while I was shooting in the Jungle Temple in Angkor Wat.  Pascaline is at the corner of the image playing hide and seek with Blaze through the temples many tunnels.  And I’m caught up in the awe at what is in front of me, what I have the opportunity to capture.  It’s feeling small in moments like these that I’ve brought home with me—feeling awe filled with wonder and the mystery of life. 

Brian set up this great feature for the blog, where you can click on the image to see it even bigger.  He’s the best.

As an artist, I think it’s vital to reconnect with this feeling of being small.  It seems like I stay creative and inspired when I sense magic and wonder in the world.  When that magic and wonder start to get choked out by stress, it’s such much harder to create.  Don’t you think?  I described the unfolding sunrise this morning in my Morning Pages and tried to nurture that part of me that needs to slow down and notice the pockets of wonder surrounding me in everyday life.  

There is so much more I want to say about this topic, but I’m stopping it here today b/c I am so tired.  But, it doesn’t have to end here.  Share your thoughts on the topic in today’s comments.  And also, Fay has made a special appearance on the SOAR! blog today.  Since this month has five weeks, she decided to put a bonus Business Coaching Exercise up on the SOAR! blog.  It’s all about Passion—tapping into that place of wonder and mystery that we carry within.  You must check out her exercise.  It’s wonderful.  Fay is a remarkable Business Coach who has taught me so much.  I can’t sing her praises loud enough.

May your Monday be blessed with a moment of wonder, mystery and inspiration.  May you feel small today in a way that fills you up.

xoxo,

Me Ra

I was going to post photos from Angkor Wat today, but I’ve got to push it back another day b/c I’m in SHOCK!  We are making our way back home, and decided to stay two nights in Bangkok to break up the long journey.

A dear friend of the family, who lives in Bangkok, helped us A LOT while we had the Dengue Fever.  Within 30 minutes of contacting my family for help, he was calling us from Bangkok and finding the best of doctors to help right away.  His family is also part of the 5 star, Luxury Peninsula Hotel, on the riverfront in Bangkok.

Can you believe that he has given us two nights here to rest up and continue our recovery?  Isn’t that AMAZING!  With all that we’ve been through, it’s hard to not feel as equally—if not even MORE—blessed and surrounded by support.

We are in a gorgeous Grande Suite with a beautiful Master bedroom,

a yummy bathroom with a TV over the bathtub, like the one below!  Blaze soaked in the tub this morning and just watched cartoons.  He said he doesn’t want to leave. 

There is a breathtaking living room (yep, it looks like the one below!), dining area, and a panoramic view of the river.

The suite would normally cost $700 plus a night (a bit more than our budget ).  When we walked in I felt like I was dreaming.  We’ve been sleeping with mosquito nets, unruly, god awful bats (BLAH!)  and gobs of mosquito spray covering our bodies for WEEKS.  I can’t tell you how WELL we all slept last night.

My favorite part was when we walked into the suite.  Blaze looked up at me and said, “Mom, all I can say is that we must be God’s FAVORITE customers!”

xoxo,

Me Ra

p.s.  Thanks for all your comments regarding Pascaline’s story with the Gibbons singing.  It was such an amazing moment, and I had to share it with all of you.  Thank you for treasuring it so much.  It always blesses me to hear your thoughts and reactions.  Many more stories to come!

After we left the orphanage in Phnom Penh, we flew to Siem Reap to explore one of the seven wonders of the world with our cameras:  Angkor Wat.  We had been so involved with the orphanage, loving every moment, that we forgot to book a hotel in Siem Reap.  So there I was, sitting in baggage claim, trying to get online to book a room somewhere.

A lady sat down next to me.  She was beautiful; long, black hair and dark brown eyes with a petite nose and warm smile.  I asked her if she’d been to Siem Reap, and she said she lived here.  What a perfect person to ask for advice on where to stay.  She mentioned a couple places, but soon we were talking about our time at the orphanage.  I was so full from our time that I spilled story after story out, and she was so gracious to listen to them all.  Then she excused herself to make a call.

When she came back to me, she said that she had booked us a room at the five star Hotel De La Paix.  It’s one of the most exquisite hotels in Siem Reap with the room rates starting at $350 USD.  You can only imagine the beauty of this place because a $350 room in a third world country IS something to write home about.  She gave us the room and said she wanted to give us a place of rest after all we’d done in Phnom Penh.  Brian and I didn’t know what to say.  But she insisted that it was her pleasure.  She was incredibly moved by the stories from our time at the orphanage.  And before you knew it, we were in a taxi headed to one of the most beautiful hotels I’ve ever stayed at.

We had the wonderful honor of meeting the hotel managers and learned about their commitment to supporting the arts and people in need.  They were all eager to hear of our time at the orphanage.  And I have a feeling that this beautiful, mystery woman at the airport, started a relationship…friendship…of something powerful to come.

After spending the last several nights, sleeping on mats in a room above a coffee shop for $20 a night, we all dove into the plush, white sheets of Hotel De La Paix.  The four of us indulged in long showers and then slept as long as we could in those clouds of white sheets.

The kids were amazed to see how an unexpected gift like this could happen.  It spurred so many conversations about faith, hope, helping those in need, giving space for the unexpected, and on and on, conversations I will always treasure.

The next day we got in a Tuk Tuk and headed to Angkor Wat.  We had no idea what to expect.   I kept thinking of the signs in the airport, Welcome to the Country of Wonder.  Our time at the orphanage had definitely be  filled with wonder.  Little did I know that as our Tuk Tuk putted it’s way down the mangrove road, another kind of wonder prepared to welcome us.

Here is a sneak peak of the wonder we came upon at sunrise!

xoxo,

Me Ra

Where does one begin after the last couple weeks?  I must admit that I’m in tears, as I start writing this post.  At one point, I never knew when I’d have the strength to write a new post.  But alas, I’m so thankful to meet you here this morning.  Kari’s Mamabloo Photo Tale post was absolutely beautiful yesterday, and I must thank her here (again and again) for bringing beautiful words to this blog to give me a little more time to recover.  And what on earth would I do without my Genie?  I don’t even want to think about it.  But you, all of you…

Thank you for EVERY prayer and loving wish of recovery.  To be in a jungle and feel the isolation start to suffocate as your fevers spike…it has been overwhelming.  But to be able to have Brian come back to our house, after finding an Internet connection, and read all your loving words to us…I can’t tell you how much your prayers gave to me and Pascaline.  Thank you so much for taking the time and caring as much as you all do.

Before this trip, I had never heard of the Dengue Jungle Fever.  It’s transmitted by a mosquito bite, a daytime mosquito.  (The daytime fact is what made me fall out of my seat.  I haven’t even seen a “daytime” mosquito!)  But he saw us, and he did bite.  They call the Dengue, the Bone Breaker, and I have never felt pain like this before.  You literally feel like all your bones are breaking, starting with your legs and working its way up to your head, feeling as if your head is splitting open in seven directions.

The intensity is enough to make you never want to come back.  This was how I felt at different moments.  I just wanted to be home where the weather wasn’t 102 degrees as if it was competing with our 104 degree fevers.  Pascaline and I could have felt betrayed by this place we love so much.  But I think the jungle somehow knew we were reaching our breaking point because at the worst hour, the jungle surrounded us with love and wonder.

The moment of feeling surrounded by love and wonder was in the middle of Pascaline’s worst fever run.  This is what I wrote to my brother when it was over…

Pascaline is about two days behind me.  She is still suffering on and off.  She has been such a trooper.  I sat and cried in the doctor’s office and told him that we felt like our bones were breaking, and he told me the fever’s street name “The Bone Breaker”.  It was comforting in a very disturbing but relieving way.

I have never felt pain like this Shauni—ever.  I have been in and out of delirium with faint memories of Brian putting cold washcloths all over me, trying to bring my body temp down to no avail.  I have seen his eyes scared.  It’s hard to see it in his eyes, and at the same time feel like the fever has taken me a hundred miles away.

Yesterday morning Pascaline woke up screaming.  She was screaming that her nose broke off.  Her whole body was twisting and turning in pain.  I had just been through it all night, and I held her and wept.  There is no medicine.  There is no immunization.  Your body must simply let go.  Everything in you wants to fight the pain away, but this only makes it worse.

Brian sat above her, as he sat above me the last five nights, and whispered instructions to her as he gently held her legs down.  “Pascaline, the fever has already lost.  Don’t fight the pain.  Let go and focus on this spot.”  He laid his hand over her collar bone.  “There is no pain there, and that is where God is resting.  Rest with Him, and let the fever swallow you b/c I won’t let it take you.  I will be on the other side.”

To stop fighting the pain and let it pull you under like the sea’s undertow is overwhelming…but to feel like you won’t ever surface, to see the sheer fear in my baby’s eyes…

As I held her, I couldn’t help but cry with a feeling of such helplessness.  Our Thai housekeeper came up behind me.  Her name is Cha, and she has the most beautiful smile in all of Thailand.  She laid her hands gently on my shoulders and whispered words to me in Thai, comforting words that I couldn’t understand, but I knew she was speaking from one mother to another.

And then something magical happened that I must back up to tell you about…

We have monkeys here, as you remember.  There are two kinds of monkeys, and then we also have Gibbon Apes.  The Gibbon Apes are high up in the trees and give off a beautiful call in the morning.  It’s like a whirling, siren noise that washes over you, repeating itself, with different apes joining in at different octaves, and the whole jungle is quiet as these beasts sing.

They never come down to our house level, but you can see them with binoculars.  And yet the other day, Pascaline was mimicking their sound off the back deck.  And FIVE of them came down to the trees off our deck and watched us, mimicking back to her, swinging through the trees with such speed and fierce ability, your mouth dropped open.  That morning, Blaze was fevering his worst.

Yesterday, when Pascaline was screaming with pain, the Gibbons started singing.  I didn’t notice at first until someone said something.  Except they weren’t high up in the hills, they were all around the outside of our bedroom and back deck—watching from the trees.

They were in the low trees and whooping their call so loud and so divine, it swallowed Pascaline’s screaming. It was then that she actually smiled with her eyes closed from the pain.  “Can you hear them mom?  They’ve come back down.  I think they’re singing to me.”  And so they were.  I can’t explain how magical the moment felt with Cha whispering faith into my ear in an unfamiliar tongue, and Gibbons singing to my daughter, but I felt held by the jungle, held and not shunned by this fever any longer.

_______________________________

Two days later, Pascaline’s fever broke for good.  She has bounced back with such amazing speed.  But still, we have taken life very slow.   On most days, it feels as if the fever has beat the energy right out of my body.  But at sunset we make our way down to the beach, when the heat is not so merciless.  Brian and I have sat and watched Pascaline wade in the water with Blaze, listened to her laugh, and have confessed that her laugh is the most beautiful sound we have heard in weeks.  The little one even rock climbed yesterday with utter grace as twenty plus people watched from below as she made her way up the 100 ft rock face on a  6b route—making it look like child’s play.

In a few days, we start our journey home.  We’re going to start a day early, break up our flying time a bit more, so that our bodies don’t feel pushed as hard.  The kids cried because they felt like they’ve just begun to play here.  But at the same time, I think we are ready to return.

Some of you must still be praying because our last days here have been rich with joy and wonderful memories.  God is somehow already restoring the time our fevers stole.  And even more so, what a blessed family we are to know we are returning to all your love and support.

From one mother to many mothers, fathers, grandparents, and dear friends, thank you so much for praying for us in one of our scariest hours.  Thank you for praying for my babies.  Thank you with all my heart.

Love,

Me Ra

p.s.  If you are game, I’m excited to back up in our trip before the Dengue came.  There are so many images and crazy stories to share on the blog of our time in Angkor Wat.  But tomorrow, we’d first like to announce the Running on Empty Winner.  Our internet has been so horrible here, but I think Genie has saved the day (AGAIN!), and we’ll be able to announce the beautiful winner tomorrow for the Orange County Wkshp.

p.s.s.  I want to make one last special note.  The SOAR! Recipients are posting their exercises from the Artist Way this week, starting today.  If you are in need of creative inspiration, be sure you check out what they share this week on the SOAR! blog.  And for those of you undecided on a camera purchase, the gals all blogged about their Sony SOAR! gear last week. 

Me Ra spoke too soon yesterday.

This is her Husband, Brian. Last night after posting her blog and after dinner, she went to bed with her whole body hurting. No, not throwing up, but she’s got the same thing as the kids.

This morning, she felt well enough to let me know I was in trouble after the Apes came. I don’t remember what I did, just that Me Ra didn’t feel good any more and she wasn’t up for going to the beach today. So today I thought I’d let her and the kids take a nap, I went to the club house (deck) by the beach to do some work and have internet access. I ran into these two guys.

If you’ve been to our place, then you might think this guy has the eyes of a guy (J.K.) who moved here from last year from L.A.

I named this guy Tony.

As the internet went out again, they inspired me to take a couple pictures of Me Ra not feeling well. That’s what I did tonight after dinner.

Can you see her saying, “Don’t take my picture!”

Oh I think that’s enough now to get me started on wrong foot in the morning. 

Me Ra did ask me to announce that she won’t be releasing the May Seattle Confidence Workshop until Friday. Considering she can’t get herself out of bed, that’s probably not very surprising?

Last, the smallest, but definitely not the least, the kids are feeling a little better today. Yeah!

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Well, the internet went out last night before I could post this blog, so I took some more photos of Me Ra laid out sick on the bed. Poor thing…

What angle makes her look the sickest?

Now am I a bad Husband? 

Our life has been made up of vomit and diarrhea the last seven days.  Yep, there is no nice way to put it but just say it as it is.  If this had lasted for one to three days, I don’t think I’d use a whole blog post to share.  BUT as of last night at 3am, it’s been seven days friends.  Count them out, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, AND 7.  Do I want to scream?  YES!  Do Brian and I feel like we are up to our elbows in cleaning, cleaning, cleaning? YES!

It started on our flight back to Thailand from Cambodia.  Blaze felt a little nauseous.  We boarded the plane.  Buckled up, etc. etc.  And then all of a sudden the little guy started vomiting in his seat.  The airline stewardess brought me Kleenex!  Um yeah, not super helpful.  I don’t tell me Asians use Kleenex to clean up vomit b/c that is ridiculous.  I simply think this airline stewardess wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.  A nearby, sympathetic passenger passed me baby wipes—an angel in disguise.  And get this, as I’m on my hands and knees trying to clean up, the plane starts to taxi and just takes off!  So much for waiting for everyone to be seated.

Same thing happened at the airport and then at our house.  Next day Blaze laid low, and the storm seemed to pass.  Mom’s up to bat.  Oh yeah friends.  I vomited so much in one night the blood vessels popped on my eyeball so it looks like I’ve been in a bar fight.  “Should look better in three weeks,” says the doctor.  Great.  I laid low the next day and felt okay after.  Well let’s see, let’s bring Pascaline up to bat.  She hasn’t had a turn.  And Pascaline not only knocks it out of the park one day, but two and three days, and I think today makes it four….um yeah.  She has taken the championship by managing to throw up in every room, on our clothes, and at 3:30am this morning (when you thought it couldn’t get ANY better), she got up and vomited all over the home school stuff.  That’s feeling a little “set up” to me, but never fear, home school will go on to her dismay. 

Blaze, who has been playing in the ocean and chasing monkeys, came down with it again, and then last night I felt nauseated again.  Could it be all the cleaning up we’re doing?  Who knows.   But the doctor was extremely helpful and said that we all have a stomach bacteria.  Take the antibiotics for five days.  That should kill it.  The tricky part is getting Pascaline to keep it down.  And thus, our first week back in Thailand isn’t at all what I pictured.  So I figured it was time to take pictures of what it is.

You see, the climax for me was when…WAIT…this gets gross, so just stop reading if you need too—basically, consider yourself warned.  The climax was when Blaze said he had gas but instead had diarrhea all over the cushions.  As Brian and I start to clean it up, Pascaline decides to contribute by vomiting on Brian.  It was so awesome.  True parenting doesn’t get better than that point.

So you’ve got Pascaline hanging over the toilet, and Blaze showering behind her from his little mess.  And I figure, “What the hell.  It’s time to shoot the sh#$% out of this.”

Portrait of Pascaline Eux de Toilet!

Look at those BIG, SAD, Brown eyes.  We fell for them the first six times she had an episode.  And then the eyes didn’t work any longer.

Less is More!  Don’t even need to see her big brown eyes to feel it. 

I call these next few images “The Waiting” series.

And this last one is almost a little glamorous looking, don’t you think?!

(Photo Recipes: ISO was 200, f-stop was 2.8, and Shutter Speed was 125th of a second.)

Do you think I’m just the MEANEST mom on the island?

Was this the blog post that I thought I’d be writing for today?  No.  But thanks for humoring me because it feels really good to vent.  And regardless of how utterly exhausting and emotional the last seven days have been, shoot me for saying this, but I want to capture it on some level because right here and now, this is a big part of our trip in the last week.

And in case my parents are worried after reading this, here is a little status.  Blaze went kayaking with Brian today and feels great.  Pascaline has made it almost 20 hours without vomiting or running a fever.  In fact, she was sassing Brian a couple hours ago which is always a sign of her normal self coming back. 

For those of you who are wondering about Brian…is he up to bat next?…Good question.

xoxo,

Me Ra

He was sitting next to me.  The plane was headed to San Diego.  It was the middle of December, and I felt so exhausted I chose not to introduce myself—just close my eyes and rest.  And then the storm came.  It was the worst storm that month for San Diego.  The wind knocked our plane around like a cat batting at a toy.  I thought I was going to be sick.  The pilot came on the intercom and said he couldn’t see the run way until he was right in front of it.  He said he was going to try to land, but if he found himself to far up the run away he was going to pull up as fast as possible.

He tried this FIVE times, and I thought I was going to die every time.  People were crying in the rows across from me.  What types of things do you think in this kind of moment?  I was so thankful Brian and I had checked in with our life insurance that week—but the timing of this alone made me wonder if my life was going to end.  I thought about Brian and the kids, and I found myself thankful that if something did go wrong, there were hundreds of images that I would leave behind.  Images that show the kids, I saw them.  Their mama saw who they were.  And then the pilot gave up (thank GOD!) and flew us to LA.  When we landed he gave us the option of getting off the plane and taking taxis to San Diego.  But when the storm passed he was going to try it again.  I turned and looked at the man next to me. That was the first time we talked.  His name was Randy.

Randy said he was going to stay and wait out the storm.  I got my stuff and got off the plane, standing on the ramp for 30 minutes as another pilot told me things were much better than they seemed.  I called Brian and cried my eyes out. And in the end, I decided to get back on the plane, IF I could sit in First Class. 

We arrived in San Diego, and as I got my suitcase I spotted Randy. He didn’t know I had moved up to First Class.  We joked about how crazy the flight was.  I remember him saying he was coming from Cambodia.  I asked him more about this.  It turned out he runs an orphanage in Cambodia’s capitol, Phnom Penh.  He had a home for little ones and an Art Center/Home for teen boys.  I was so taken by the five minutes we talked that I asked if we could come see him and the kids someday.  We exchanged info and that was it until…a few weeks ago.

Brian and I decided to find this orphanage.  Remember how Brian realized our flight to Thailand was leaving at midnight and not noon the next day?  We had six hours to get everything together, so I ran to the stores to finish shopping for things that we could bring to the children.  My girlfriend, Jill Hansen, owns her own dentist practice and at last minute drove out to her office and got toothbrushes and toothpaste for all the kids.  Brian got a duffel bag from Costco dedicated to the things for the orphanage, and we dragged it all over Thailand; over ferries, into long tail boats, almost losing it in the water at one point, and then into small propeller planes until we arrived in Phnom Penh.

That was last week.  We had left Koh Phi Phi and decided to find the orphanage in Cambodia.  But we showed up, in a third world country, without having made a hotel reservation and no idea where Randy was. Randy had not answered my email in a few days.  We didn’t know at the time that he was returning from Vietnam.  So we rented this random hotel room, exhausted from the travelling and stifling heat, and collapsed on the bed.  But first we shooed the spider out the window that was BIGGER than life.  Have your husband put his two hands together, fingers outstretched, that’s how big that sucker was.  Ugh, it gives me chills just remembering it now.

After we were safe from the spider, I looked at Brian, and I said, “You are the BEST husband in the world.  You’ve carried this 50 lb. duffel bag all over everywhere.  You agreed to come to Cambodia.  And when you think about it, I only talked to this man for five minutes in Baggage Claim at the San Diego airport.  I’m not even sure that we’ll find him.  I have no idea what to do if he doesn’t email back.”  Brian looked at me and smiled, “It will all work out Me Ra.”  He is an amazing husband.

And then the next morning, Randy answered his phone.   He was back from Vietnam and so excited that we had made it!  So we all bagged up 80 gift bags for the kids.

The kids were more excited about this part of our journey than anything else.

We heaved the duffel bag into a Tuk-Tuk and made our way through the city.

We had no idea what to expect, or how we could help.  We felt like we should hold off on booking our flight to Angkor Wat in Siem Reap and just see where this experience took us.  We hoped we could give in some way to the children.  We didn’t expect what was to come.  We didn’t expect to be given to so powerfully, to be inspired and empowered like never before, to bond relationships that will last a lifetime, and to have more confidence because of what the staff and orphans gave us.

The children were so beautiful!  Their sweet faces.

Their inquisitive eyes.

The joy they had when they opened up their gift bags.

All you wanted was to hug them, as many of children, as possible.

I feel so small, so very small—in a good way.  The teens we worked with blew my mind and heart.  By spending time with them, I felt so convicted of the doubts I’ve been struggling with.  Their courage for life put my personal doubts for my own life to shame.

To think I doubt God’s call on my life—that I may be to damaged or broken from my past to fulfill the desires of my heart. To think I believe this at times, and then to be with these beautiful orphans for a week who have nothing—nothing, and yet live as if they have everything.  To see these children overcome. To see them build their dreams.  To see the joy in their smiles…to see my ability to hope expand and stretch and be changed from being with them.

I want to take the next couple days to share on the blog what happened during our stay at the orphanage in Cambodia.  We taught a condensed version of our CONFIDENCE Photography Workshop to the teens, and I must-must-must share their images with you.  Be prepared to be inspired friends by the images and stories of these young men and women.

And to think that it all started with a five minute conversation.  We never know what conversations, no matter how short, are meant to change our lives. We never know what seeds they will plant.  I must confess that I never had this BIG sense of “we need to go there.”  It was more of a tickling on my brain, that settled into my heart.  And it just seemed like something to try.  I never knew what was really going to happen or meant to be.  And I am stunned at how important it is to give those little ticklings on the brain and heart some attention.  Instead of waiting for the sky to part and the answer to come as the voice of God, what about the subtle nudge that really and truly almost goes unnoticed.

Does this make sense?

xoxo,

Me Ra

“It’s peculiar, to reach your destination,” he told me.  “You think you’ll arrive and perform the thing you came for and depart in contentment.  Instead you get there and find distance still to go.”

-So Brave, Young and Handsome by Leif Enger

This quote couldn’t sum up the last few weeks of my life any better.  Yep, I could probably just leave this blog post right now and feel like you got the picture—Me Ra reaching her destination and realizing she has only begun her journey. But I miss all of you and this blog, we’ve had the WORST internet in Thailand, and now that I’m in Cambodia and have it, I have a smile on my face as I type because I get to connect with all of you again!  That is a gift to me!

What has been going on over here, on the other side of the world?  As you remember, Pascaline and Brian were sick the whole week.  So I plugged away on my first photography book and got it turned in on time!  Yes, I really did!  What a huge burden off my shoulders.  And then it was time to go to Koh Phi Phi, an island near the home we stayed in last year.

Going to Koh Phi Phi showed me how much I love this side of Thailand, where the limestone cliffs jet out of the ocean standing with pride as if they are welcoming you back to this land of enchatment.

Where the humming of the long tail boats lull you to sleep and wake you up.

Where the locals embrace the kids as their own, and all of a sudden the kids go from two parents to twenty!

The place we stayed in Koh Phi Phi is the BEST family vacation ever.  And I’m working on a blog post all about it, with all the details, so that if you ever decide to venture to the Far East with your kiddos you can go there.

But I found myself at Koh Phi Phi, and finally felt myself start to let down inside.  An unwinding of sorts.  I think Brian caught the beginning of it here.

And yet, it’s amazing how we want ourselves to just hurry up and be to the destination we expect to be in.  We envision the unwinding to look a certain way.  I soon realized my vision was not going to be my reality. The first sign of life being different than what I expected was the difficulty we had getting online.  Drove me nuts the first two days.  All I could do was get online for a short time before my connection crashed, but just enough time to know that our website was not working for all of you.  And I felt myself twist up with stress instead of unwind.  Then I couldn’t get online at all, and a quiet voice inside said “Me Ra, I need you to let go.”  It was that quiet voice that only has to say seven words, and you know it’s the truth and feel yourself go undone.

So I walked away from trying to figure out our Internet, knowing we’d be in Cambodia in a week to try again.  And I took the kids on a hike through the jungle.

We started out with Brian and lost him to a scuba diving invitation, so that we were alone.  (yes, if you missed it—that’s my moment of saying “It was all Brian’s fault.”  )

There is an hour hike you can do from our isolated beach to the other side of the island where town is—sitting on a small stretch of land that takes your breath away.

Thirty minutes up into the hills, and then thirty minutes down.  Getting there was work with the intense heat, but the four of us did it.  Once in town, we met up with our scuba instructor.  Brian decided to go diving with him, and the kids and I wandered the town together.  It was a great afternoon together, we found a pub that had lunch for $2 each and a TV playing the Olympics.  We got a good, cheap meal with a fan blowing on us and a moment to feel connected with home as we watched Michael Phelps swim his heart out.

Then we decided it was time to head back.  And somewhere along the path, mom took a seriously WRONG turn.  We ended up on a road that was nowhere I remembered.  We had been going uphill for an hour, and the heat was hammering down on us.  Two local Thai men on scooters came by, and I flagged them down to see where we were.  They said we had another 40 minutes to go up hill before we starting climbing in the jungle.  I almost died.  And the kids, they were going to faint from heat exhaustion.  We were a sorry sight.  So the men offered us rides on the back of their scooters to get up the hill, to the entrance of where you start the jungle leg of the hike.  But that meant me and Blaze on one scooter, and Pascaline on the other by herself.  I just wasn’t sure.  The kids had never been on these type of scooter/motorcycles, so I asked Pascaline what she thought.

Okay, I was SURE my daughter would say “no” because the idea of holding onto a shirtless stranger would maybe make her nervous. But I underestimated my daughter!  She said, “That sounds PERFECT!  I’m sick of walking up this HILL!” and literally hopped on the scooter, wrapped her arms around this sweaty stranger, and off my daughter WENT!  I had no choice but to throw Blaze on the scooter and say, “Okay GO!”  The man asked if I could not hold his shoulders so tight as he caught up with Pascaline, and Blaze said “Mom, just relax and enjoy the ride.”  Oh, the things my kids teach me.

Needless to say, that little hitch hiking episode got us to the top of the paved road and cut off 40 minutes.  Now we started the hike through the jungle.  We walked through three hill villages, feeling as if we’d stepped back in time.

When we bought some bottled water, the kids gave the woman a tip.  They told me they had to because her hut, this humble home, was so small and broken.  How could they not.  She offered us a bundle of bananas, and we politely said no.  The kids and I are convinced that the decision to NOT take the bananas made all the difference.

Why is this so?  Well, after 30 minutes of hiking through the thick jungle having left all villages behind, nothing but jungle shrub in front and behind, with the sun setting soon and things getting a little darker—we hear a loud crashing sound.  It’s the crashing of branches being broken through leaves being ripped.  I learned from our time in Thailand last year, that there is only one thing that makes this type of explosive sound through the trees—very LARGE monkeys!  I turned and saw the giant coming at us from  my right.  Part of me wanted to stand still in sheer shock.  He is the biggest monkey I have ever seen.  Think my size, bent over on all fours with a long, orange nose, deep dark eyes, and about fifty pounds heavier than me.  Picture this coming at you.  Yes, you stand still for a split second as your eyes meet.  You are in plain shock of the beauty, mystery and intimidation of this wild beast.  You know that you are not supposed to run but quietly walk away, but TERROR sets in when you see him coming at you and your kids.  That’s when I turned and yelled “RUN!” to the kids.

We ran down the side of that mountain like nobody’s business.  Thank God for Tivas that day and not our flip flops.  I started praying out loud, my whole body shaking from sheer fear, wondering what the heck I was doing, hiking through a jungle with my two kids.  And somewhere in the midst of all my praying, Blaze suddenly stopped in front of me and said “Listen mom.  The trees are quiet.”   The monkey was either gone or hiding.

We kept up a good pace, but we never saw that big guy again.  We caught up with a couple who said they had seen a similar monkey sitting in the trees, just watching them pass through.  Who knows if that guy was still near, just watching us. The only thing we knew for sure is that we were so GLAD we did NOT accept a bunch of bananas from the woman!  Can you imagine!  We would have been running with bananas hanging off of me.  Good Lord, that would have been a real nightmare!

Needless to say, we made it back to the beach in once piece.  I wanted to kiss the sandy shore.  We jumped in the water to cool down, laughed at our crazy adventure.  I plopped my painted toes into a chair on the beach, ordered a drink and felt myself finally EXHALE.

Somehow mom took a wrong turn, and the hour hike home turned into lasting two hours!  We hitchhiked on the backs of motorcycles and ran from a monkey (that I am convinced was an ape!).  Sure, dad saw 6 turtles while scuba diving, but was he chased by an ape?  No.  We topped his day without a doubt.

When something that frightening happens, it shakes up your insides.  I can’t explain it, but up until this point I felt a bit numb inside.  The longer we were at Koh Phi Phi, the more I started to unwind—come alive again to my senses and the jungle around me.  But after running for my life with my two kids, I am definitely feeling alive, wide eyed, and awake.

I’m not a thrill seeker or adrenaline junkie by any means.  I just know that I will never forget turning around, and making eye contact with that monkey. He was so big, so fierce and yet so gentle looking and powerful, full of mystery, so out of my control.  And all my illusions of being able to work hard enough to control certain things fell by the way side because the world was so much bigger all of a sudden.  And the reality of having very little control at all set me free from the numbness I’ve been feeling.  I still have a distance to go.  But it is good to taste the rawness of life again and feel it’s embrace.

xoxo,

Me Ra

p.s.  It’s the FIRST Monday of the month which means we’ve got a new Business Coaching Exercise from Karen and Fay, SOAR! Partners and amazing business coaches!  Don’t miss it! It will go up today!  CLICK HERE!

And if you know a mom Running on Empty be sure to nominate her NOW for our Orange County CONFIDENCE Workshop coming up April 23-24! Tonight’s the deadline at 6pm, don’t miss this either!