Boy did Karen’s blog hit my business nail on the head!  And yes, the point has been driven home.  If I have suffered in one area it’s been a slightly tilting building–time to finish the foundation!

I remember telling Karen one time, I’m so frustrated with myself for feeling so overwhelmed.  I have so many priorities (business and family included!) that I don’t know what’s most important.  I have no idea where to start because everything needs to be done NOW!

Side note–in these moments, Karen and Fay prove the worth of business coaching.  There have been so many conversations, ideas given, and simply a listening ear to help me work through building my small, budding business.  My heart overflows with thankfulness, knowing I was given the opportunity to work with the Wisdom Connection.  I urge you to consider (I KNOW things are tight) finding room in your business budget for coaching.  What a DIFFERENCE these ladies have made!  And I know I am getting an AMEN from Me Ra, Linda, and Linds!

She walked me through a little exercise; we discussed all that had to be done and together named the immediate priorities.  That’s when I realized I had some major taking care of family to do first!  After a few solid weeks of getting our grounding, developing some systems for our family, and addressing some very personal things for me, I am feeling eager and ready to dive back in to new ideas and systems for my business!  So to answer the questions in this exercise…

(Me and three of my four biggest priorities!!)

1. What are your less urgent but important business priorities? What is essential to build your foundation?

-My husband (I have been asking him for ideas since I am hoping we will be working together!) and I came up with such a fun idea for promoting the business…think handing out a business card, but the card is something else altogether!  I NEED to get this promotional material designed and printed so that I can get it circulating.  This is definitely a priority!

-I need to solidify my filing system for client information, both electronically and on paper.

-I need to finalize details for my website and blog.

-I want to write a mission statement.  The more I work with people, the more I realize why I love doing this!  Writing a mission statement will allow me to be clear, if for no one else but me, on how and why my business is run in a certain way.  It will keep me focused on the deeper meaning of why I have been given this opportunity.

1. When will you give these some time? (Set blocks of time in your calendar – even if you miss one you will have a chance to catch up with several times scheduled.) (It works really well to make it the same time each week and set your timer!)

I am so excited to tell you that I have my office set up, complete with calendars for personal things and for photography.  I have a sweet little desk (table) my kids helped me put together, wipe boards and cork boards, and a filing cabinet!  The little organizer in me is having a FIELD day and she will be putting blocks of time on the calendar for the priorities I listed above.  I LOVE using the timer for getting tasks like these accomplished–nothing keeps me more focused.  Have you tried it?

Moving forward is such a good feeling.  Thank you Karen for this exercise and for all of the ways you’ve helped me move!

Let’s do this y’all!

jen

It was late Sunday night when I got home. After dumping my camera gear and bags at the door I crept quietly in to the children’s room and up the ladder to the top bunk where Jack sleeps. As if sensing my presence he sat straight up but I knew he was still sound asleep. “Mummy missed you” I whispered with a kiss as his little arms reached out to hug me tight. “Mmmmm Mummy – I missed you too”  he mumbled still sound asleep.

Every day I wonder how to find that elusive balance that Karen Buckley describes as inflow and outflow. There are times I know I am over-giving but there are also times, like now, when I feel like I am under-giving. I have just spent two days away from my family to focus on building my business. Second shooting two weddings with my friend Melanie Jaramillo was an opportunity I could not turn down, but the long drive, two very long days and a restless night’s sleep on Melanie’s couch has taken it’s toll.

While I’m home with my family now I’m not fully with them. I am exhausted, every bone in my body aches and there are still images to edit, emails to respond to, blogs to write and design work to complete. By tomorrow there will also be  laundry to do, meals to make, toys to trip over, toilets to clean… Hey… I guess I really am finding that balance I keep talking about!

So, moving on to this weeks coaching exercise. What are my non urgent but important business priorities right now?

• To work with Smug Mug on my new website and blog designs,
• To continue to build my portfolio,
• To create regular content for my new photography blog,
• To work on my marketing and promotional plan
• To continue to learn and practice and define my style as a photographer

Oh, and I must not forget – to book that wedding in New Zealand!

And when will I give these some time? How about right now – well maybe after I put my feet up with a nice cup of tea – well maybe after I go to the grocery store because we’re all out of tea, and food for that matter…

Linda ♥

Overgiving: Not Exactly a Good Business Practice

An ancient oak tree outside my office window seems to be home to a hummingbird couple. The male, with his flashy red throat, and the beautiful brown female sip at pink fuschia all day long. Today as I watched them I felt exhausted and ready for my own sip of nectar! There was nothing left in me to give and I still had a lot to complete on the Next Octave program materials.

Do you ever wonder – why doesn’t the flower look parched when it gives and gives? It hit me. The flower doesn’t give too much. It doesn’t squeeze out every last drop just because the hummingbird is still thirsty!

Clearly I am not as smart as a flower. I help, give, and extend myself to others and leave no time for my own personal or business priorities. Can anyone relate? Last week I brought a meal to a sick neighbor, took care of a friend after surgery, walked the dog on his favorite trail, and fixed my son a yummy breakfast. I gave extra time to a client in crisis and edited another client’s proposal. I’m a generous soul!  It feels good to give and I dearly love every one of them. But if I tell the truth, I ended up parched. I deprived myself to give to others. I felt stressed, crabby, and tired and my business suffered.

What’s the secret? Balancing inflow and outflow are essential for business success and personal joy over the long haul. It seems obvious, I know. You spend more money than comes in and you are in trouble financially. But, personally it’s somehow easier to cheat.

To give all that outflow I sacrificed my inflow – missed yoga twice, and missed sleep as I completed a client job at 5am, cleaned the house until midnight. I fell behind on my important but less urgent business priorities and worked in the wee hours Saturday and Sunday to catch up. And what did I do for my own pleasure and fun last week? Nothing much. Is this sounding familiar?

Every day I talk to women in coaching sessions who place themselves and building their business foundation as a low priority. Then… they beat themselves up for the slow growth of their business!

Take a look at your week. Is it all about others? One small business owner discovered that her calendar was full of urgent client requests and kid, friend, and extended family appointments! None of her foundation building time – the editing, scrapbook making, marketing, financial planning or office work – were in her time plan. And her business suffered because of it.

What would you create in your life if you put your time and attention behind what matters the most to you? (BTW Me Ra – thank you for choosing to put your attention to writing and blogging and speaking – we all love it so much!}

Two business coaching questions for today:

1. What are your less urgent but important business priorities? What is essential to build your foundation? (Do you have these written down and posted above your desk?) (Are they realistic, specific, small enough to get them done and exciting enough to motivate you?)

2. When will you give these some time? (Set blocks of time in your calendar – even if you miss one you will have a chance to catch up with several times scheduled.) (It works really well to make it the same time each week and set your timer!)

Without a strong foundation a building tilts. As businesswomen, it’s important that we balance our inflow and outflow. This will ultimately nurture everyone! And build successful businesses as well.

Know who you are and walk proud in yourself. As women we come from generations of nurturing life – we don’t need to prove it by over giving to be worthwhile.

Now I’m going to take a nice warm bath and put my feet up with a cup of tea!

Warmest regards to you all,

Karen Buckley
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Ok…I cannot avoid it any longer…I have to write this blog.  Now I always have other things to do…a million other things to do…but for some reason writing this blog has been at the top of the list to NOT DO.  Why?   Well for once in my life I don’t want to talk.  Seriously it might be hard to believe…but I don’t (imagine a pouty face, hands crossed against my chest, and my right foot placed firmly in a stomp position).  But nonetheless I am here.

So Me Ra has given us many assignments and for some reason this one, talking about my dreams, is the hardest one.  I try to keep my dreams held tightly in my mind, only sharing with less than a handful of people.  These dreams to me are one of my most private areas, and that is saying a lot since if you know me…I am not a private person.  I was half tempted to have my husband write my blog, because for some reason he has no problem sharing his dreams or mine.  This Soar scholarship was a huge step out for me to say this is my dream, and I was very quiet about it.  Now my husband on the other hand could not share my video and dream with enough people, he was insatiable.  But I suppose I would be too…for him.

For some reason sharing my dreams feels selfish and self absorbed.  I feel as if anyone listening to them or reading them might think “Haha, why does she think that she could ever do that, or be that?”  “Who do you think you are?” I was so inspired and in awe of the beautiful way in which Linda and Jen have shared their dreams.

So I thought back to what Jiminy Cricket told me when I was a child – “When your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme.” So with my brave girls and Jiminy as inspiration I am daring to share with you my dreams.  Here goes (feeling a bit sick to my stomach).

So it would be easy for me to tell you my goals for the end of the year, but I don’t think that is what Me Ra has in mind.  So what I am going to tell you is what my dream is for what will come.  But first for the sake of openness (hehe) let me tell you my husbands dream.  Kyle’s dream for himself is simple yet monstrous. His dream is for the right side of his body to be healed.  No fair that his dream gets to be so direct, but hey you can’t knock him for it.  It is one of my greatest dreams too!!  Now whatever I share will seem easy, right?

My pie in the sky dream is to someday have an HGTV show that combines my two passions and loves. My love for photography and design.

Before following my true love of photography interior design and home improvement is what pulled me out of the depression after my husband accident.  It gave me footing, and direction, and something to work for when it seemed I was walking in quick sand.  What I really have grown to love is my ability as a woman to do things that make men’s mouths drop open, and it has nothing to do with my body ; )!!

My desire is to motivate and teach women out there to do it for themselves in yet another male dominated industry of home improvement.  I have been blessed with a father that has talents beyond my imagination.  He has taught me so much, and given me such confidence in my abilities that I would love nothing more than to share this with others.

My dreams show would start with me shooting family portraits.  Then it would show me meeting with the family to show them the images and choose a main image or theme to design their room off of.  Then the design would come in, (no male contractor involved) and I would teach them how and what to do on their own in order to make the room reflect who they are, as a beautiful and strong woman.  Power tools are a must!!  It is unbelievably empowering to hear the roar of a motor while you are sawing something in half!!

The show would end with me giving them a gift of a camera and a quick lesson on how to add more photographic art of their own to the space.  This would be especially powerful if I was working with a mother!!

So there you have it…my big pie in the sky dream.  It may never happen, but at least some day I will be able to show my children that I dared to dream.  I wrote it down and cast it out into the world and it did not kill me.  One of the greatest gift we have as American’s is this ability…the ability to dream bigger than we think possible.  And in some rare cases (Me Ra) those impossible dreams become possible and give us all added “silver dust”.

Dream Big,

Lindsay

Me Ra gave us permission to use the proverbial “magic” wand for this assignment.  And Fay said to DARE to dream and STRETCH.

Although I feel a little selfish (or nervous?, sheepish? why is my stomach in knots?), consider the wand waving and the silver dust is falling all around.  Dreams look better all silvery.  And in italics.

My husband just brought me coffee with cinnamon and a little bit of frothy half n half as he shut out the chilly, snowy December with the close of our studio door.

(All of the photos included were taken at an engagement shoot my husband and I did together!  More on that in the blog!  Thanks Robin and Mike!)

PAUSE

Me Ra said to think the impossible.  Just to give you a notion of how big a dream this is…we’ve been known to wear shorts in south Texas winters and my husband is terribly sweet but he doesn’t drink coffee and therefore doesn’t know how to make it!  But this sure is fun, yes?!  Okay, silvery dust, silvery dust.  Back to our studio…)

It’s not a traditional photography studio.  More like a “creative” studio where we work together, behind our house.

It’s decorated with things we both love and has a coffee house kind of feel.  There are great tunes playing and he’s editing photos from a wedding we just shot. In one corner is all of our photography equipment.  In fact, because of the money we saved from Christmas bookings, seniors, and weddings in the fall, we have all of the equipment we need, without having to rent anymore!

In another corner, he has his music studio equipment where he’s gotten back into writing and recording.  And in another area, I’ve been able to replace my sewing and craft equipment from what was burned a year ago.  From this room, we take care of business but also plan new ideas… like going once a year to photograph people in another country to raise awareness for some cause, and like starting a ministry encouraging couples to reconnect through creativity as they work on some type of project together.  Mostly, we are using the gifts God gave us, together, to make a living, and to serve other people.

There you have it.  These are the dreams that I think are somewhat impossible by December but are the desires of my heart!… Fully stocked with gear, a beautiful creative space, and a career with my husband. (Okay and maybe a little snow in Texas for Christmas!) He and I are better together and, through a lot of hard work, are learning to bring out the absolute best in each other.  We are hoping that “best” allows us take all that we’ve learned from SOAR! and turn it into a creative adventure we take together.

In my original SOAR! application video, I had music playing in the background.  Somehow, that didn’t transfer when I uploaded the video.  Either way, the song was called “Dream Big” and I wish you could hear it now…

“…And when you dream, dream big.  As big as the ocean blue. And when you dream it might come true.  When you dream, dream big…”

(Ryan Shupe and the Rubber Band)

Join us this week!  We’d love to know where your heart is headed.

Dream big, y’all!  Let’s do this,

jen

In my life I have had many dreams. Some I’ve pursued with energy and ambition. Some I’ve outgrown and some I’ve let go. Some I’ve realized were not really my dreams but the dreams of others I admired. And then there’s those dreams that never fully got voiced but lingered vaguely in the back of my mind like a wispy cloud on a windy day. Vague and impossible to grasp. Becoming a photographer was one of those dreams that’s been with me since I was twelve years old messing with my Dad’s 35mm Pentax camera.

Then late last year something incredible happened. I stumbled upon Me Ra Koh Photography, the SOAR Scholarship and the opportunity to follow a dream. A dream I had never dared to voice was suddenly captured on video for all to see on the world-wide-web. What followed has been an unbelievable experience equally challenging and rewarding that is shaping the future I want for myself and my family. It is gently pushing me forward into the world of professional photography but for various reasons I feel I am still teetering on the edge… afraid to to fully commit.

Until this week.

This week I realized I’ve been holding back. The hidden dreams, the bigger dreams, the seemingly impossible dreams I’m afraid to voice, convinced they may never happen. But these are the dreams that inspire me, that motivate me to be better, to try harder, to just do it.

So, with a deep breath, here goes…

This year I said I wanted to be a portrait photographer and focus on children, families, maybe high school seniors. That’s not true. That’s not my dream. My dream is to be a WEDDING photographer, a dream inspired by own experience with my wedding photographer.  I LOVE weddings. I love everything about them. The emotion, the romance,  the entire experience and I want to document each moment as it unfolds. I want to provide an exceptional experience that turns brides into friends, and a unique product offering that will set me apart. And I want to do this now. No more excuses – no more fears. Before the clock strikes midnight signaling the end of 2010 I want to have booked my first wedding. I also want to learn how to incorporate HDSLR video techniques and products into my portfolio.

And here’s where it gets bigger than me. I want the clarity to be able to structure this dream in a way that will incorporate our desire to move back to New Zealand and live in the lifestyle location our hearts are set on. I want to incorporate my love of travel and my love of my homeland into this dream and I’ve got 18 months to make this happen. I want to create a story that will position me as a unique photographer for weddings in New Zealand and not just that… but destination vacations. If you make the trip of a lifetime, I want you to want me to be there to capture it.

So back to that wedding I spoke about booking? I want it to be in New Zealand in an amazing location and I don’t want to do it alone. I want to bring someone with me. Someone who has become an integral part of my story. Someone with a dream to have a TV show of her own  to empower parents to capture their beautiful kids, someone who I have no doubt will soon be in front of every mom with a camera. Someone who inspires me to dream big and to voice even the CRAZIEST of dreams. 

“There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other.”
Douglas H Everett

I have been so fortunate this year to find myself in the company of ‘those who turn one into the other’. Not only am I able to learn and be inspired by these people, I am challenged to think bigger myself. I don’t know where my dreams will take me, but as scary as it is to put it all out there, it’s also empowering and exciting. And Me Ra is most definitely right – once you let your dreams out of hiding – prepare for unexpected opportunities to come your way.

Can’t wait to hear your dreams!
Linda
xx

PS. The picture above was taken at a recent bridal shoot that my friend Melanie Jaramillo set up and invited me along to. She is featured on Me Ra’s blog today and truly is an Amazing Mom!

“When you wish upon a star,
makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires will come to you

If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star as dreamers do
(Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing)

Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees you thru
When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true”

Lyrics by Ned Washington

Yesterday, my husband was singing this classic tune to himself that we all learned in our young years……I was charmed to overhear his song and thought – cool, that’s what I want to write about……I’m a dreamer from way back, and now, as the lazy days of summer are winding down and that crispy fall air greets the mornings, it’s a good time for all of us dreamers to stretch our notions once again and dream big into the fall…..

“If your heart is in your dreams, no request is too extreme” – what a notion! My heart is beating hard and fast for my dreams, and I have a gigantic request of my business partner – - to support my long-time big dream of basing myself in my favorite beachside village in Mexico for the winter, even while continuing to grow our business north of the border. There, I said it……

When Me Ra launched the SOAR scholarship at the end of last year, she opened up a gigantic window for hundreds of photographers to dream bigger than maybe ever before about fulfilling their yearning to launch and develop a successful photography business. Now, as this year rounds the bend, it seems like just the time to cast our business dreams out there again….When we do, we stretch beyond our prior comfort zone and all of a sudden, more becomes possible.

In the past, I’ve gone to Mexico for a week or two or three in winter, both when my kids were still in school and as my business was being launched. So now, the prospect of 3 months is a big stretch! What will I need to do in order to have it work? How much business will I need to generate before I go to feel secure in leaving? What kind of support will my partner need while I’m gone? Can I make my coaching calls work on skype form Mexico? All these questions and challenges are stretching me well beyond the frontier of where I’ve gone before.

Want to join me in the challenge of “wishing upon a star” and dreaming big this fall, stretching beyond previously known limits???

If your answer is “YES”, then here are two questions to ask and answer for yourself:

What wild and wooly possible results can I dream and imagine creating in my business before the clock strikes midnight signaling the end of 2010?

In order to have my wild and wooly possible results manifest this fall/winter, what questions would I need to ask and answer in order to have “Like a bolt out of the blue, fate steps in and sees me thru”?

Dreamers Unite! Let’s make this a fall worth doing! Let’s believe that “Fate is kind, she brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing” and let’s not let the season pass us by…… We may not succeed in manifesting all our dreams, but at least let’s let the December 31 clock strike 12 knowing we dared to dream, we stretched, and did our best!

With love to you Linda, Lindsay and Jennifer…and all you dreamers out there,

Fay Freed
Co-Founder
The Wisdom Connection

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Goodness chapter 7 in the Artist’s Way is not something you can read lightly.  I often find it interesting how a certain conversation comes up in life, completely unrelated to another aspect of life, and despite that they could not have been more eloquently timed.

(It is in the rare moments where no one is watching me that I can truly capture a moment.  This was Ella’s first touch of the sand on our recent trip down the Oregon Coast.)

What in the world am I blabbering on about…Well I just happened to have a conversation tonight about perfectionism being narcissism and it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Thinking of, or seeing yourself, as a narcissist is not an easy pill to swallow.  So sadly I listened as someone I adore told me how she felt that she was a perfectionist and further more a narcissist and I realized that darn it I was too (in true narcissist fashion of course).

(Kohen’s movement was crucial in order to show you that he is truly my little monkey)

Julia Cameron writes…“To the perfectionist, there is always room for improvement.  The perfectionist calls this humility.  In reality, it is egotism.  It is pride that makes us want to be perfect.”

(Julia Cameron ~ ““Try to remember that God is the Greatest Artist.  Artists like other artists.” This was the amazing view that sent me to sleep each night on my trip.  The shining star brought me great joy.”

I think that perfectionism has had a multitude of purposes in my life.  There are moments where it pushes me to be more than I think I can, and moments where it keeps me from being who I could be.  I am trying desperately to learn where to draw the line between perfectionism and hard work.

For each person this might be different.  For my husband it is pretty much everything I do, and it drives him nuts. For me it is fewer and smaller things that not everyone might see.

I think my greatest need and weakness is that too often I’m looking to my audience for approval instead of looking within and above for that approval.  I tend to focus on the results and not the process…and ultimately my work suffers.

(Then…as Julia Cameron says there are moments of clear inspiration that require me to move into them by faith.  It is my hope that these moments will be more frequent, and that my soul will feel as free as they did this day.)

The greatest gift I have to give to others is myself.

They might not want it and that is just another place for me to humble myself.  After all…believe it or not…the whole world does not revolve around Lindsay Baumgartner!!  Can you believe it!!

I loved the exercise that Jennifer wrote about in her Blog.  I love the little parts of a person that you get to see in just those few statements.  How fun would life be if we didn’t walk into everything thinking we needed to be perfect, or even good?  Well there are a few places in my life where I can do this, failure aside.  Seriously you should see the tile in the first bathroom I tiled.  It drives me crazy to this day and I can’t wait to get away from it some day…but I wasn’t afraid to fail at it.  It might drive me crazy that I didn’t do it perfectly but at least I tried and ohhhh what I learned in the process.

Then there are the others and I am still terrified to even say them out loud much less write them down.  They are those dreams and wishes that I am sure we all have hidden deep inside.  Those dreams that seem so foolish and selfish that we dare not tell a soul.  Well there are many of those still hidden deep…for only my eyes, but there is one that I have had for some time that I finally allowed to sneak out and look at where it has gotten me.  Last December when I read about Soar! for the first time all judgment aside I allowed myself to speak a dream and take a step towards it. The night I hit that send button was one of the most freeing and terrifying nights of my life.  All I can say is…THANK GOD I TRIED!!!

Shine On,

Lindsay

…said Me Ra in our most recent conference call.

Kindheartedly, she was teasing me about my reluctance to submit something because I wasn’t sure if it I had gotten it right…

“Getting it right, you may call it, or fixing it before I go any further…What you should be calling it is perfectionism.  Perfectionism has nothing to do with getting it right…It has nothing to do with standards.  Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead.  It is a loop–an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole.”

Hello, yes, and geez, Julia Cameron, lay off! 

She goes on in the Artist’s Way,

“The perfectionist fixes one line of a poem over and over–until no lines are right…The perfectionist writes, paints, creates with one eye on her audience.  Instead of enjoying the process, the perfectionist is constantly grading the results.”

Seriously, you want to know something I’ve done many times?  I will write and rewrite thank you notes, wasting adorable little notecards until I “get it right.”

“Hit the send button, Jen.”

And you know what Ms. Julia hit me with after I read all of that??

“To the perfectionist, there is always room for improvement.  The perfectionist calls this humility.  In reality, it is egotism.  It is pride that makes us want to write a perfect script…”

At this point I was totally reminded of the wise words of my lovely, so insightful business coach, Karen Buckley (and Fay too!), about being the “Right sized self–not puffed up, not diminished.  Just right.”

Sigh.

So back to the conference call.  We were talking improvements made.  I was explaining to Me Ra and Linda and Lindsay that although I was taking solid shots, I was frustrated because I wasn’t shooting things from the “out of the box” perspective.  Wisely, Me Ra reminded me that there was a shooting life cycle that I wasn’t going to escape despite what my pride pleaded (last part is mine).  She said, you start out taking 1 good one out of 100 and then move to step 2, mimicking others and that’s a good thing!  Step three is when you develop your own voice but that comes over time, when you’ve experimented so much you start to really just KNOW what you want.

And this example came to mind…now that I’ve learned a little more about me, I’d re-do the style of my wedding.  It was beautiful the first time, I just hadn’t developed a sense of who I really was yet.  There was a “generalness” to it, save for the totally unique and amazing bride and groom shouting out their vows!

And now my favorite part of the chapter,

“Michelangelo is said to have remarked that he released David from the marble block he found him in.”

And,

“…we are more the conduit than the creator of what we express.”

Love that.

I want to be a conduit, not a perfectionist.

So, this last little part is just fun.  And I want YOU to join in!  I am going to give you the dirty.  And you are going to give it right back.  This list was in the latter part of the chapter.  Ms. Cameron says,

“Once we are willing to accept that anything worth doing might even be worth doing badly our options widen.  ‘If I didn’t have to do it perfectly, I would try…’ “

(my list)

…adult sports leagues!

…dancing in public as much as I do in private

…wearing a bathing suit in the summer

…cooking withOUT a recipe

…event planning

…singing with my husband

…making a movie

…showing you this picture from a recent bridal session

TAG, y’all, Let’s do this!!!

jen

My name is Linda and I am a recovering perfectionist. I use the term ‘recovering’ lightly. While I am aware of this trait and the implications it may have on my search for a balanced career and family life, I still struggle to acknowledge it for what it is. I convince myself I simply have high standards, that I value a certain level of professionalism, that I need to get it right or not do it all… but in Week 7 of the Artist’s Way Workbook, Julia Cameron argues it is none of these things.

“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead. It is a loop – an obsessive, debilitating closed system that causes you to get stuck in the details of what you are writing or painting or making and to lose sight of the whole. Instead of creating freely and allowing errors to reveal themselves later as insights, we often get mired in getting the details right. We correct our originality into a uniformity that lacks passion and spontaneity.”

The perfectionist is never satisfied. The perfectionist never says, ‘This is pretty good. I think I’ll just keep going.”

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough – that we should try again.”

Reading this chapter was my ‘aha’ moment. I suddenly understand why I don’t seem able to move forward as rapidly as I’d like. I suddenly realize how, in my pursuit of perfection, I am making everything so incredibly hard for myself. I understand now that the high expectations I set for myself are not necessarily motivating me to try harder. They are more likely to prevent me from trying at all. And without taking risks, without being willing to do something badly, I am missing opportunities to grow as an artist and a photographer and quite simply missing out on life.

True Story. When I started considering photography as a serious career an unusual thing happened. I stopped taking photographs. My passion for photography grew out of a desire to capture those fleeting moments in a child’s life yet I found myself actually declaring I was not going to use my children any more! I had got to the point where I would only take photos of them when they were dressed nicely, cleaned up, and following my instructions. I would beg, bribe and threaten to get them to do what I wanted. Needless to say this was hard work and wasn’t paying off for any of us. So I simply stopped.

Then the other day, after reading this chapter, I was hanging out with Nathan in the room he shares with Jack. We were having fun and without thinking I grabbed my camera which was close at hand. No expectations. No pressure. Here’s what I got… no bribes, no threats, no stress… just a lot of fun and some images I’m loving. I hate to think how many moments I’ve missed!

And it’s not just my family memories that my inner perfectionist tries to sabotage. Last month I did a photo shoot with a 16 month old at the family’s home. It started out okay but she quickly got clingy and wanted to be held by her Mom. This created challenges I hadn’t anticipated and I left the session concerned that I didn’t get anything good. When I processed the photos  I described them to my husband as nicely edited ’snapshots’. Part of me wanted to ditch the images and ask for a redo! I didn’t. But I put in some heavy editing hours and I presented the initial viewing as a storybook album. I felt that the images I’d captured were much more appealing to be viewed this way than individually.  It’s a time commitment  I may not see a return on but it’s all part of the growth. Once I sent the gallery link to my client I waited in agony for her feedback. This was her response …

“Love love love love them!!!  OMG  you did such an amazing job.  I was not sure b/c Berit was not very cooperative but you are amazing.  I have looked at them 5 times today.  I am definitely going to order some but I want to check them out again.  I think I will also order for family for the holidays.”

It just goes to show that it’s not my opinion or expectations that really matter at the end of the day.

I’m sharing this not to blow my own trumpet or make me look good. I’m sharing this because I know first hand so many of us struggle with the same issue. When I look at these images I still see every little flaw. I see ’should of, would of, could of’. I see snapshots. But she sees her beautiful baby girl. She sees beautiful memories. I wonder how much feedback like this it will take for me to start believing in myself. Will I ever be able to send my work out with a confident smile instead of a gut wrenching grimace? Bring on the day that I can comfortably say ‘this is pretty good… I think I nailed it’ because that’s the day I can truly see this becoming a fulfilling and rewarding career.

My name is Linda and I’m a recovering perfectionist… I know I’m not alone!
xxx