Happy Spring Break everyone!

I don’t know if that phrase is applicable to you…it’s not really to me anymore but it’s fun to still kind of fake it…Either way, take out the “break” part and hear the Happy Spring part!  The wildflowers started blooming in south Texas this week and the weather has been absolutely splendid!  After quite a wet winter and a million laundry loads to get rid of the mud, this sunshine is the most wonderful gift!

Speaking of wonderful gifts, it is more than a pleasure to tell you about a wonderful gift I received a few months ago.  (A few months?  Has it been that long?!)  Of course I’m talking about my sweet little Sony.  I was so touched when I saw the original video from Sony sharing how they wanted to honor women, and as a recipient of that honor, even more blown away with the follow through.  What an amazing gesture to the creative efforts of women, of us, of me!  Let me say here, I will never be able to repay all that I have been given.  From very deeply in my heart, I want to thank everyone at Sony for the way they have invested in women and how it has affected my life!!!  Thank YOU!!

I still have to pause every time I take the baby out of my bag–the fact that my camera is the same gorgeous brown as my favorite indulgence–chocolate, ladies (ok and gent…I know at least my brother is reading this)–makes my heart flutter.  Somewhere some purist is probably saying that the color of a camera does not matter.  But it SO DOES.  It makes me want to be a better photographer.  Really.  It makes me want to give money to charities.  It makes want to make brownies.  And eat all of them.  No, no, give them away to neighbors and stuff.  All of that.    Seriously, it makes me look cool.  And that’s important.  Okay, I’m being for real now–It’s safe to just say that I completely dig the color of my camera.  And I love that it’s different!

Like I mentioned, I have been using my camera for about two months.  In that time, we’ve gotten to know each other better.  We’ve definitely moved past surface-level exchange.  We’ve even experienced a teency bit of conflict but have worked through it–we are pretty deep now, me and my sweet little Sony.

One of the things I’ve learned about this baby is that the color that I get in my images is SO TRUE to what I’m seeing in real life!  This is a HUGE plus for someone who does not know how to edit yet!!  I have loved the fact that I see really brilliant images from the start.  In fact, (I am about to bare my amateur self yet again by saying this) when I load my pictures in iPhoto and I hit “enhance” for color help, very little happens!  Unless I’ve done something on my end with lighting, the color is almost always spot on.

Here are a few pictures that show good color.  They are random shots of my daughter who, if you’ve not read about her before, leads a pretty “colorful” life, herself!  She is so darn fun and I love that I can get her “moments” digitally, just the way I see them when I’m standing in front of her!  (by the way, there is not one bit of editing done on these…what do all you fancy photographers call it?…SOOC?…)

And I’ve got one more to show you.  It’s Lori again.  And it’s definitely a moment.  She’s sitting pretty…to put it kindly.  It’s probably completely inappropriate but I think it’s great color!  All for the sake of sharing good news with you, right?!  But to see it, you’ll have to go to the forum.  Don’t worry.  I’ll give you another link when I finish telling you about the next things I love.

Alright–you need to know about this.  The external flash for the a330.  It is GREAT.  It does things that I really can’t explain yet.  But I do know that simply by flipping it up after it is attached to my camera and then switching my preference for where I want light to bounce, it makes the unflattering light of the flash disappear while giving the picture better exposure.  What?!  It’s just very cool.

Take these pictures of cabinets.  Cabinets?  Yes, an unusual subject but appropriate for the point.  (A friend of mine is in the homebuilding business and needed some shots for clients).  You know when you point a camera directly at a cabinet and take a picture, (you’ve never done that?  weird.) you get that spotlight coming right back at you.  That big white spot right where your camera is pointing.  Know what I’m sayin’?  WELL, with the external flash, you just don’t get that annoying spotlight.  See?

That’s very cool.  If you’re in to shooting cabinets and all.  Perhaps people are more your style.  We can do that too.  Here are some friends of ours, Brant and Anna Jacobs.  Come to think of it, he’s a homebuilder as well.  Not the one to whom the cabinets belong.  Such handy friends I have…  Now, picture one is obviously the camera user’s fault but I’m new and the odds were totally stacked against me (that’s a good one, right?).  This was late at night in a lamp-lit living room.

So instead of figuring out all the different numbers and speeds I could change, I stayed on aperture priority and just flipped up ol’ trusty–that’s how we’ll refer to the external friend of my sweet little Sony–and tried again.

ahh, much better.

Alright, I need to tell you about one more special little someone in my camera relationship.  In fact, I may be just as close with this little someone as I am with sweet little Sony.  This friend helps me take pictures with perspectives, with points of view.

But I can’t tell you about it here…

Come see more on the forum.  Scroll down to the section called SOAR! Partners and click on Jen’s Sony Part 2!

Let’s do this y’all,

Jen

Kia ora,

As you know, this month’s photography exercise is about capturing conflict which is one of the elements to story telling. Since I knew I was going to be traveling and wasn’t sure how easy it would be to get this done in New Zealand, I took a few shots of my boys before I left.

It’s not too difficult to capture a moment of emotion with my two-and-a-half year old Nathan. His little life right now is all about striving for independence and letting you know how he feels. It sure is tough to be two! I love these story-telling assignments as I can indulge my love of story-boarding and putting together a series of photos. Here you see Nathan at the start, reasonably content, but quietly contemplating. Next, you see he’s made up his mind, things are not going his way and he’s not giving in. Finally, he’s fully committed…  there’s no holding back. Oh, and Mum with the camera, really doesn’t help. Four more sleeps and a very long plane ride and I’ll get to enjoy this emotion again

On the other side, Jack at four years, is somewhat calmer and more in control of his emotions. With these images I hoped to capture the effort and concentration he puts in to everything he attempts to do, from making a PB&J sandwich to learning the latest Wiggles routine.

As it turned out, I did get the opportunity in New Zealand to try this exercise again with new subjects – my twin nephews Charlie & Oliver. The last time I saw these guys was at my wedding five years ago when they were just little babies, and although they are family, we are yet to get to know each other well. I had a very quick visit and I have to say – taking their photos wasn’t too different from how I imagine a session with total strangers would be. On the upside, I learned some valuable lessons, but I also experienced a huge confidence wobble and began questioning my abilities.

For starters, all the worry, frustration, fear and anxiety I’ve been experiencing with my Mum has made it hard for me to think clearly and I made mistakes. Disappointing mistakes like finally getting the perfect shot only to discover I had my ISO set at 1600 from the night before. I struggled with the location and the light as well as dealing with the boys personalities. While Charlie was eager to be photographed, Oliver thought it was a great game to run every time I pulled out the camera and simply would not stay still. I already knew I had more skills to learn than simply the technical ones, but this timely reminder knocked my confidence a little. And that started a negative spiral… The shots I took that did turn out well, and are perfect for this exercise, were some of the first I took…

Here I was trying out a little trick I recently learned from a fabulous friend and photographer Bree Hester,  back in Sacramento. The boys are obsessed with Star Wars, so I told them that sometimes Darth Vader hung out in my lens. Totally captured their different personalities… Ollie’s total skepticism and Charlie wanting to believe…

And the second part of this exercise, on an elderly subject, was even more challenging than the first. I had been so excited to use my Mother for this part and had thought we’d be doing this at her home. It is now very clear she will not be returning home before I leave, so I swallowed my fears and finally took out my camera at the hospital.  It’s hard to describe how difficult this was. I felt like an impostor, uncomfortable with my camera in such an unusual and unexpected setting. I felt shy and awkward in this role but it was powerful to recognize this and begin to overcome it. The lighting was poor, the space was cramped and I was so very conscious of the need to ensure my images were respectful and dignified in a place where dignity struggles to exist. Join me over on the Soarity forum to see what I came up with for this exercise, along with the details exercise from the hospital as well…

Ka kite ano….
Linda xxx

Ok….I have been pondering and stressing over these pictures for quite some time.  I felt a wave of relief when I read Me Ra’s post about it today.  I was so over focused on what conflict needed to be.

con·flict n. (as defined on free dictionary.com)

1. A state of open, often prolonged fighting; a battle or war.

2. A state of disharmony between incompatible or antithetical persons, ideas, or interests; a clash.

3. Psychology A psychic struggle, often unconscious, resulting from the opposition or simultaneous functioning of mutually exclusive impulses, desires, or tendencies.

4. Opposition between characters or forces in a work of drama or fiction, especially opposition that motivates or shapes the action of the plot.

I was seriously stuck, frozen immovable and thus uninspired by where my mind was going!!  I am all about conflict don’t get me wrong, I actually thrive on it a bit!!  I think it must be a family thing, but both my brother and I gain great pleasure in antagonizing those that we love.  Unfortunate for them, but oh so fortunate for my own entertainment.  My husband calls me the pot stirrer, and he is most likely correct.  I don’t use it that broadly in my life, mostly in my own home, and perhaps in my parent’s and brother’s.  I don’t think that this is quite what Me Ra had in mind for this assignment however, and I think that her take is perhaps a lot sweeter and more thoughtful than mine.

Conflict as defined by Me Ra: Conflict isn’t necessarily bad or negative.  It is a moment of emotion, tension, struggle, achievement, or an exchange between two people with something hanging in the balance.

Now this is something that I can wrap my head around!!  Emotion is beautiful and true and interesting to me.  It is different to each person, and it is portrayed in so many different and unique ways.  I love the purity of children’s emotions and their ability to so easily portray what they are feeling. They truly wear their hearts on their sleeves.  There is no right, no wrong when it comes to an emotion.  Call me sadistic, but taking a picture of a screaming child is one of my favorites.  It is such a pure moment and I feel honored to be able to capture that.

Now that I think about it my wall is covered with pictures that fit this perfectly.  I love the humanness and interest that happens on it own.  My kids inspire this in me, they are covered with conflict as if it were a layer of chocolate on top of a sundae.  So now I am overflowing with ideas and creativity.  Somehow I had managed to wedge myself into this little box of confinement and expectation that I desperately need to let go of.  I have no formal training, I only know what I see.  I can not tell you why I like a certain thing, or give it a technical name, but I know how to achieve it.  I’m not sure what that means for me as a photographer.

I have had many people tell me that I will never get anywhere without a formal education, who would want someone like me to take pictures if I don’t know all the ins and outs of photography.  I used to feel hurt by these comments, afraid to say that I believe in myself.  I was afraid to tell them that I have a point of view, and I don’t think there is a right or wrong in this.  Either you like my work or not, you can take it or leave it.

Last night my daughter asked me if her Daddy had to go to work tomorrow. I told her that he did.  She looked sad, and said I don’t want to go to work when I grow up.  I told her that when Mommy is taking pictures that I am working.  I told her that it doesn’t feel like work to me because I love it!!  She smiled at me with excitement and surprise.  She said “Mommy I want to do that when I grow up!!”   I told her that as long as you find something that you love to do when you grow up it won’t feel like work.  She smiled and hugged me very tight, and I felt like I had laid a brick on my daughter’s foundation.  I felt like I had given her the gift to dream, and the gift to follow her dreams.  It was a magical little moment!!

One of my favorite things about my daughter is her face when she first wakes up in the morning. Her eyes are wide open in a doe like quality:

My mom says that I had the same look when I was little, and she must have loved it too because there are numerous pictures of me with huge doe eyes and pouty lips.  Now this isn’t quite what I am talking about, and I need to be out of bed with my camera ready in order to catch it, perhaps that will be my mission for the rest of the week.  Capturing that perfect little face!!  Okay so this was shortly after my daughter woke up.  She has a had a stuffy nose so I told her to get some toilet paper to blow her nose.  We are totally one of those homes where tissue paper is unheard of. We have toilet paper after all!! So in I come around the corner trying to catch her wide-eyed pout and instead this is what I got.

Followed by a request for me to blow her nose for her. I told her no, to do it herself, and this is the face that I was able to capture.

So my daughter’s face was destined to be in a pout Saturday morning when she came out into the kitchen to find that my son had eaten the last of the cereal. She got her bowl out and dumped like crazy trying to get cereal out of the box.

I let her stew for a little bit before I informed her that Daddy had gotten doughnuts. It was priceless. I know what you are thinking, pot stirrer, and you are correct ; )!!

Just to make you feel better my son did offer her a handful of cereal from his bowl. What a thoughtful little guy!

Now if he would have just offered to clean up the counter after himself we would me making real progress!!

My son’s mission in life is to worry me. He has hit his head more than I can count. I think he is trying to keep me on my toes after what happened to my husband. This fortunately was not one of those times, and my son only had a tiny red bump to show me. It was so small it didn’t even show up when I took a picture. This picture was my proof to him that he was going to make it.

He is a pretty tough little man, but he loves some hugs and cuddles form his mommy let me tell you!!
This was the look he gave me after I showed him proof of his health.

He was still not buying what I was selling him. Poor Kohen!! But we had a wonderful winter surprise this morning, our first flakes of the year!!

The pure excitement and joy that sprung from their mouths when they saw those tiny white flakes falling from the sky brought me back to being a kid. They ran outside and tried to drink in every bit of the snow that they could. These small white flakes have no idea what they do to the heart of children and the forever child that is inside of me!!

I had no idea 10 years ago that these hands would mean anything to me. They would have been just another pair of hands, but to me they are so much more…..

I am adding a new elderly person to my Blog.  My lovely Dad has been sunning in Hawaii, and thankfully I am blessed to have yet another amazing man of his generation in my life. To find out what these hands mean to me, come with me to theSoarority Forum!

Hey friends.  How are ya?  Rollin’ down here.  Trying to keep pace with life.  It was a good, roller coaster of a week with some solid highs and a heartbreaking low as well.  Do you ever just sit in awe of the way life unfolds?  It’s just so…mysterious sometimes.  Maybe intriguing is a better word.  I don’t know.  I can’t quite nail it down.  Just thankful to have a life to contemplate, really.  A life filled with some deep, true friendships, with precious babies, and with amazing support from family.  That’s where I’m at this very moment and I had to say it before I could move on.  Thanks for indulging me.

Interesting though, this week’s photography assignment centers on conflict.  When Me Ra gave us this task, she said it this way…

Work at capturing a moment of Conflict with each subject.  Conflict isn’t necessarily bad or negative.  It can be a moment of emotion, tension, struggle, achievement, exchange between two people with something hanging in the balance.  But the Conflict images need to tell us something about your subjects.  The Conflict images give us a window into their lives.

Funny how often I associate conflict with the negative.  It’s been interesting to think about her words and the challenge of finding conflict in our subjects.  I’ve thought about conflict in new ways, especially how conflict can bring about positive changes or adjustments, and how it can even be just a brief moment  of perspective seen in an expression!

As far as “capturing conflict” in pictures this week, refer back to my original definition of the word and imagine a self-portrait of me with my head in my hands.  This was tough for me!  There may have been one or two shots that I was really pleased with–but more that made me constantly ask my husband, “Babe, is this it?  Is this conflict??”  We got to see my mom and stepfather while I was working on this assignment–looking for conflict to shoot became the big joke.  They knew I was a little desperate to find the perfect situation. So, each family member, when in the midst of a “trial” with my kids or with each other, would shout out, “Conflict!  Conflict over here!”  And don’t think I hesitated to run, camera in hand, to that conflict   Somehow, it didn’t feel like I was accomplishing the point of the assignment.

I’m not sure why this was so tough.  It was definitely harder for me to shoot conflict in my “elderly” subjects.  I had to keep referring to Me Ra’s definition.  I think I am so consumed with getting it right that I’m stifling any creativity that might be within reach.  I have even had the thought of starting re-dos…I get a little tense when I start a photography assignment knowing that the results are available to anyone interested.  I think I need to complete the task, but then go back and do it again a week or two later.  Or at least a version of it.  Wrapping my brain around finding conflict is clearly something I am going to have to spend more time trying if conflict is going to be an important part of my picture taking.

With all of that being said, I can no longer hold off.  This is what I’ve got.

I used all three of my children as subjects for the child conflict and used my stepdad and father in law for my elderly subjects (same situation as last time-they are not so elderly but older and wiser, yes.  Thank y’all for being so helpful!).  Watch out, dad, looks like you’re next!!

Let’s go children first-

Here is one of the few pictures that I think does a good job of displaying conflict.

When we were recently together, my mom was laughing because I shared a joke or a story or something and asked, “Did you get it??”  She said I always did that growing up–that I had to make sure everyone “got it,” even when it was very obvious.

Well, forgive me but, do you get it?  This picture?  See, my girl, Lori darlin’, just turned three.  This baby doll was a present from a friend.  And she wanted in that box, you know what I’m saying?  So to me, total conflict right here.

Next was my baby.  He had a double ear infection this week and some incoming teeth so his normal, extremely-happy disposition was a bit compromised.  I’m telling you, fitting week for conflict.  I knew when I put him down one night he would be very unhappy with his Mama.  To make it worse, as soon as the hollering started, I had a camera pointed his way for five minutes.  Great, nurturing mothering skills, yes?  Poor guy-he’s still a little devastated but recovering.

Alright, I’m just not sure if this next picture qualifies as conflict.  But I do think it’s an exchange between two people with something hanging in the balance.  Right?

My husband is a musician.  Extremely talented, just in case you’re asking me   And his son loves nothing more than to sing and play with him.  He’s asked a million times if he can be like daddy when he grows up and play the piano with a microphone.  Try to guess how that makes his daddy feel!  So, I wanted to show that moment that has happened between the two of them.  The early stages of the boy learning this craft from his dad.  Conflict?  You get to decide this one.  If you choose A, go to the forum now, if B, keep reading.

(HA HA!  Y’all remember those books??!!)  Okay, you can totally disregard my navigating comment.  But you can still keep reading.  Heck, you can really go to the forum if you want.  I have a couple more conflict pictures of my babies and even a Bonus picture of my niece.  I think it represents emotion in conflict, and it’s just a fun moment!

Before you go though, let’s get to the men.

My father in law is one hard-working man and has been all of his life.  He was a veterinarian for many years and for even longer, worked as an Assistant Veterinarian In Charge for the USDA.  He is a tough, honest man who loves his family dearly. He does everything he can to help his family and friends and goes to great effort to make sure that his “non-blood” children (ie, his childrens’ husbands and wives) know that they are considered his children too!  And ranking somewhere right behind his kin is his love for spicy food.  And I don’t mean just a little tabasco y’all.  The man blends 10-20 jalapenos and some lemon juice, jars it up, and calls it his “hot” sauce.  That’s a little south Texas for you.  I’m a bigger fan of his still-spicy-but-not-deathly-hot-tomatillo sauce and of his beans.  He created a secret pinto bean seasoning and sold it in a local grocery chain in Texas.  Between he and my mother in law, to whom I introduced you last photo assignment, we eat really well, often!  So, here he is in a moment of conflict(?).  If it’s sharpening knives for cutting the meat or any kind of meat preparation–oh mercy, did I mention his smoked chicken and ribs?–This is where Keith is in his element.

Here is another shot of him with just a few of his grandsons.  We were taking the grandkids to some family land near the Guadalupe River so they could hike, search for cool rocks, and climb really old trees.  Keith kept watch at the truck and as each child made their way back up the hill, he was ready to hoist them up to take them to the next adventure.

The conflict here is getting up in to the truck itself.  I think this is a window into his life in this way–go with me here–the truck represents the things he knows so well…the land, the animals, the area.  Just as he is helping his grandsons up in the back of the truck, he is helping them learn more about the history here by taking them on this little adventure.  (Sorry Mama) Do you get it? 

Can’t leave off one last, major part of Keith.  He plays Sudoku all of the time.  I had to get a shot of him doing just that as part of his “conflict.”

Now it’s time for you to meet my stepdad, Jacques.  One of the kindest men you’ll ever meet.  Come on over to the forum (for real this time) and check him out as well as a few more pictures of questionable conflict!  Really!  I’d love your opinion!

I hope y’all have a great week–filled with good conflict and GREAT conflict moments in pictures!  :)  I encourage you to try this assignment-maybe this one will be easy for you.  In that case, definitely do it and share a few tips with me!!

Let’s do this y’all,

love-jen

It’s the second Monday of the month, and I LOVE the second Monday of the month because that means all you SOARing ladies get a new photography exercise!  If you remember, in February we focused on capturing Details.  We are breaking down the different elements to Story Telling—elements you can capture with a Point and Shoot or DSLR camera.  This month we shift our focus from Defining Details toward more emotion.  We are all about Capturing Conflict!

Below is the photography exercise I gave to our three SOAR! Recipients!  We’ve give them a little lead time so they can be ready to share their results with you for the appointed week.  Jennifer, Linda and Lindsay will all be posting their results on the blog and SOARORITY forum for you to see.  But for now, I encourage all of you following along to give this a try!  We would LOVE to see your results on SOARORITY too! 

Photography Exercise #2:  Capturing Conflict

You will be working with the same two subjects you chose for the Defining Details exercise.  Work at capturing a moment of Conflict with each subject.  Conflict isn’t necessarily bad or negative.  It is a moment of emotion, tension, struggle, achievement, or an exchange between two people with something hanging in the balance. 

For instance, everyone in Thailand and Cambodia refer to Blaze as “baby”.  The women flock to him (not JOKING), whether we are sitting in a Tuk-Tuk or dining at a restaurant.  They kiss him, squeeze him, ask him for kisses (which is SO WILLINGLY gives!).  BUT, Blaze was not prepared for the hotel to provide him with a CRIB!  (after all, he is the baby ).  The kids thought this was hilarious and wanted to jump in and pretend to be babies.  This is a CONFLICT image.  It’s also a SETTING image too b/c of the crib being such a significant piece to the image.  I also made sure to frame the image so that nothing was distracting from the kids being silly. 

(For my Photo Recipe Lovers!  ISO 2500! .  Aperture/f-stop was 2.8.  Shutter Speed is 1/30th of a second.  It’s a slow Shutter Speed so you can see the motion in Pascaline’s arms..)

Conflict images need to tell us something about your subjects.  They make your subjects more dimensional instead of a flat, one dimensional image.  The Conflict revealed in an image allows us to connect with the subject because we now identify with their struggle, achievement, tension, emotion…whether it be positive or negative.  A Conflict image can be the expressions you know so well—the single expressions that say so much about the ones you love.

(For my Photo Recipe Lovers!  ISO 3200!  Shot this during dinner with almost NO light.  Aperture/f-stop was 2.8.  Shutter Speed is 1/20th of a second.)

The Conflict images give us a window into their lives. 

Your assignment is to post 4-5 images of Capturing Conflict (think 2-3 favorites from your shoots with each subject) on the SOARORITY forum so we can all get a look!  And please speak up if you want constructive criticism or a BIG pat on the shoulder for doing it.  We have plenty of both at SOARORITY! 

Our focus is on the art of Storytelling.  Regardless of technical know-how, storytelling images are what impacts people.  And you can get storytelling image on Auto Mode with a little direction.  Just look at what our orphan teens did in Cambodia!  Their results totally inspired me!  If you have a low f-stop lens, like the 50mm lens, take advantage of it’s ability to give you buttery, blurry backgrounds. 

If you missed the Defining Details Photography Exercise from February, CLICK HERE! 

Looking forward to seeing how you Capture Conflict at SOARORITY!

Much love,

Me Ra

p.s.  The first Monday of the month is when Karen and Fay from Wisdom Connection post the Business Coaching Exercise.  This month was pretty intense.  Would love to know your thoughts on it and if you were able to do it.  And you can always send us your thoughts on ANY of the SOAR! posts.  We welcome it! 

p.s.s.  I announced on my blog today that we have the dates confirmed for a Spring CONFIDENCE Wkshp in Seattle!  We are so excited b/c we will be flying in the three SOAR! Recipients for this workshop.  If you’ve always wanted to attend, and your due for a SERIOUS Mother’s Day gift , our Early Bird Registration starts this Thursday!  The link is coming soon! 

The meaning of DARING is – Willing to take or seek out risks; bold and venturesome. These videos epitomize that definition. So, here we go… after this commercial break…

Ok, kidding! In random order we have:

Who took a risk and JUMPED! I heard though the grape vine that there was a recovery period after the jump… Hope you recovered well (make a comment below and explain the story )
137- Rhonda

I feel awkward announcing my own video on here, but as these videos are picked by a panel of judges I have no choice (or so I was told). I will follow up in the SOARority forum with my story of my video.
229- Christine

To go on a photo walk asking strangers to take their photo is VERY daring!!!! Incredible risk and incredible photos!
251- Ariane

Signage has proven to bring attention; so what a bold and venturesome way to get creative with this video!!
173- Becca

Speaking, creating and performing are all VERY daring, but to incorporate it all into one work fits daring to a “T”
215- Sundhi

Filming in December in Gig Harbor Washington’s water I can ONLY imagine was daring to brave those elements, but you did it WITH your camera in hand! Very Daring!!
179- Natalie

Filming your dream is daunting, and doing it in a public place is very daring!
226- Suzy

I see so many intimate, strong and daring dreams here! It’s BEAUTIFUL, HOWEVER, we need to add three more to this list.
Please! If you feel that this list is missing of a video that should be highlighted here, email soarsisters@gmail.com. I look forward to adding even more daring women soon!

Thanks
Christine Barker
(You’re SO right Christine! I love how each of you stepped out BIG, including you Christine. Thank you so much – I’m loving seeing every single one of these Hall of Fame ladies. xoxo m)

Kia ora from New Zealand,

I am sitting here writing this blog post from my Mother’s house in Snell’s Beach, Warkworth, about an hours drive from Auckland, the city I grew up in. The weather is typical for this time of year… humid, sunny, rainy, hot, cool, cloudy, clear, breezy, calm… it’s what we call ‘four seasons in one day’ and I am totally loving it! It reminds me of the need to live for the moment, to get up and go for that walk on the beach right now, because in an hour it could be raining. It’s not ‘just another sunny day‘ in California’ here!

These were my first ‘detail’ shots at Mum’s place and are part of our first photo exercise. The letterbox, the flower and the ocean view in the distance are details of her home, where together with my Dad they had planned a sweet retirement. The orange flower towers above a garden that’s seen better days, reaching toward the sky… looking to be free…

Sitting here on the deck I am looking out at that ocean view, where the morning sun glistens off the calm sea, and the gentle ocean breeze lifts my spirit. With the sound of cicadas buzzing gently in my ears and the cry of seagulls flying by it is not so easy to focus on business. It’s easier just to get lost in the moment, to let myself be carried away with my dreams and my hopes and take a step back from reality. And as I write, I realize that perhaps right now this is what I need to do. I need to allow myself a little time to just live in the moment, process the chaos I have found myself in, and recover that purpose, strength and passion I found at the Igniting the Flame Workshop. I have been here 10 days now and this is the first time I’ve really had to myself.

So a little background before talking business. A few weeks ago I decided to come back to New Zealand as I was beginning to worry about Mum. Friends and family had started to voice concerns as well and had noticed a continuing decline in her memory over the past 6 months. They were worried because she lives alone and did not believe she needed any extra help. The day I arrived she became very ill and was taken back to Auckland in an ambulance. Had I not been there things could have been much worse so I am thankful for the incredible timing. We’ve been camped out at the hospital since and she is now recovering from a gallbladder operation which they believe caused the illness I witnessed. Unfortunately, this does not seem to be the major issue, and we now start the process of trying to find the best solution for her future needs. Some kind of balance where she can keep her independence, yet be kept safe and healthy, and have the quality of life she deserves right now.

It has been an extremely difficult 10 days and I know I will continue to be challenged for some time.  During my call to Karen and Fay yesterday, they told me I was back in the change cycle, back to the re-ordering stage where I’d been before the workshop, and that feeling chaotic was okay. That I need to get familiar with the cycles of change in front of me and I will emerge from this clearer and stronger. I was offered a week off from blogging but I feel it’s in my interests to keep up the momentum, and I thank you for indulging me as I have gone so off topic here. But what I have learned so far through the SOAR! experience, is how to be open and honest and share the real me. And it continues to amaze me, how many times, by simply sharing my experiences, I am contacted by someone who has had, or is going through a similar experience, and either benefits from my story or has something to give to me.

This is Milford Beach close by the hospital in Auckland looking out toward Rangitoto Island, a favorite landmark for many of us. It was early morning and only a few people were out walking their dogs and enjoying the sea breeze. It was an experiment in manual exposure.

After writing this blog, I was asked to throw in a few photos, which leads me to make a confession. The day I arrived I pulled out my camera and started to take some snap-happy shots, just testing things, thinking I had plenty of time. After the shock of the emergency room visit and the subsequent time in the hospital, I have found myself very reluctant to pick up my camera. I can’t quite explain it, but it’s deep in my gut. I am taking my gear with me everywhere I go (thanks to my wonderful Jill E bag) but I can’t find the courage to take it out. I know this is obviously something a bit deeper than I can see right now, and something I’ll work through, but I can’t help but feel I am letting everyone down. And don’t worry… the ‘rational’ me knows that is just not the case!

Now on to business. Unlike my dear friends Lindsay and Jennifer, I did not approach my first coaching session with Karen and Fay with any nerves. While I have more of a creative mind than a business mind, I am certainly comfortable and familiar in business situations, having been in the corporate world for many years before having children. What I am not familiar with, is going in to a meeting, feeling no pressure to be anything more than exactly who I am. Going in to a meeting without having had to prepare and rehearse everything I wanted to say to appear confident and secure in my thoughts and my actions. Knowing that the purpose of this session was to help me become the person I want to be and there was no need to attempt to be any more skilled, knowledgeable or talented than what I am right now. To me, the ability Karen and Fay have to make me feel this free and safe in our coaching relationship,  is going to be key to our overall success.

So where am I at in my business right now? Somewhere between pre-formulation and formulation, or even perhaps reformulation? I had already conceived a business idea providing album design services to photographers. I had come up with a name, designed a simple logo and some graphics, developed a website, had business cards printed and opened a business bank account. I have two regular photographer clients and the occasional one-off job that comes in but was lacking the passion and belief to market myself further. Perhaps this was because I was doing what Julia Cameron (The Artist’s Way) describes as being a ’shadow artist’ choosing a ’shadow career’, “…close to the desired art, even parallel to it, but not the art itself”. While I have the framework of my existing business to build on, for my expanded business… my photography business that will offer album design as a service to photographers and a product add-on to clients – there really is nothing concrete. Everything needs to come in to existence, and I just realized how daunting that is. Let’s rephrase that and say how exciting that is!

I know I am meant to state my intention for the year but honestly I’m not quite there yet. With everything that’s going on … (follow me to the Soarority forum… you’ll also see my ’surprise’ image for you, Me Ra.)

For now, Ka kite ano….
Linda

PS. A little about NZ and Māori Culture… The Māori people are the indigenous people of Aotearoa (New Zealand) and first arrived here in waka hourua (voyaging canoes) from their ancestral homeland of Hawaiki over 1000 years ago. Today, Māori make up over 14 percent of the population. Their language and culture has a major impact on all facets of New Zealand life.

Kia ora: Gidday
Ka kite ano: until I see you again
Mum: Mom (but that’s Kiwi, not Maori) 

Ahhh business.  Or more appropriately, AHHHHHH BUSINESS (think Home Alone)!! That is my written way of saying that I am terrified of it.  Business is about as familiar and comfortable to me as being a man would. Seriously the thought of it makes me cringe.  I have convinced myself of this, and my bad little Lindsay sitting on my shoulder has confirmed that I am right.  So now what do I do?

Well I enter a scholarship that puts a large focus and magnifying glass on one of the areas in my life that is greatly lacking.  Makes sense right?!!  Not really, but I think the good little angel on the other shoulder has been working just as hard to give me the confidence to follow my dreams, and push past what I find terrifying.  So with apprehension and nervousness, I faced the upcoming call of Fay and Karen.  It’s not the ladies that I feared, but more over the content of the conversation that we would have.

What have I accomplished in my life?  I know that this is not what I was supposed to be thinking, but none the less it is what was racing through my mind and scattered amongst my thoughts in my Morning Pages.  I felt like I was going to show these two amazingly successful women that I am a complete failure.  That is what I thought.  Tummy ache ensued and I sat waiting on pins and needles for the phone to ring. Just picture it like in the cartoons, me sitting in my chair jigging away biting my nails as bits and pieces of them fly everywhere.   I am sure it would be a comical site.  Thankfully, I was alone in my fear and did not have to add “acting fearless” on top of my escalating anxiety.

Bringgggg, that’s the phone ringing.  Can you hear it in your mind?  What would you be feeling in this moment?  Deep breathe….”Hello”.  And so it began.  I decided it would be best to tell Karen and Fay that I was terribly nervous, and with kindness and compassion they listened to that and did not minimize my feelings.  It was from that point on that I began to let down my guard in fear of judgment.  After all they were nothing like the judges on American Idol, phew!!

Karen and Fay were so right about the stages of business.  It was a relief to know that I am not expected to be in the final phase of my business, and it is okay to be where I am.  That being said, we discovered that I am past Pre-Formulation and am stepping into the Formulation phase.  I am definitely pregnant (with a business that is ; )).  I love that idea!!  I loved being pregnant so perhaps I can learn to love this kind of pregnancy. I am pregnant with my business, now I just have to follow the steps to get me to delivery.  In theory, I will need to make my Dr’s appointments and begin eating well.  I must take care of myself in order for the birth to be successful.  There is no point in rushing thru it and having a premature baby that struggles.  I want a term business that is fat and plump and ready to take on the hardships that the world will throw at it.

I have worked hard over the past couple of years to build a portfolio.  One that speaks of me as a Photographer and what my point of view is, and what makes me who I am.  I see a progression in my work and my vision, and the more I learn and the more confidence that I have…the more it grows.  I am proud of the pictures I have taken, and feel that they represent me well at this point in my evolution.  I now need to compile my work into a suitable portfolio for people to see in order to acquire more business.  In doing this I am going to trust myself, and not ask people what they think.  If I am going to be the artist “I” need to define whom the artist is, not someone else.  This will be very hard for me as I constantly doubt my ability and view, but perhaps this will push me along in my personal growth.  It definitely won’t kill me!!

Here are a few from one of my favorite shoots!!  I tend to choose pictures of my family, but I am going to challenge myself and show you some of my work with people that I couldn’t boss around as easily.  These pictures are from a Senior shoot I did with a young man named Joel.  He was amazing to work with.  The greatest compliment that I received in working with him was when he told me “This was way more fun than I thought it would be”.

We had planned on shooting for 1-2 hours, and by then end of it I think we spent over three hours traveling around Seattle.  With his guitar playing and sweet voice, it made it pretty easy for me.  It was amazingly fun to capture a young artist!! 

Click on a picture and it will take you to the rest of the pictures from the shoot.  I would love to hear feedback from my peers, so please comment away!!

What would my life look like: “If you woke up tomorrow morning and your work day was 100% improved, what would be different? How would you know …(Lindsay’s story continued on the Soarority Forum