This is a big day. It is the last Friday before the SOAR! Scholarship Deadline. I know a lot of you have yet to turn in your video. You and I know that this weekend, tomorrow and Sunday, are your days to get it done—maybe Monday but that is SERIOUSLY pushing it.
Have the voices become louder as you’ve come closer to the deadline? The voices that say, “You aren’t worth of this scholarship. You don’t deserve it.” Or maybe they say, “Look at all those Video Entries so far. What makes you think you are that creative. What makes you think you can do this?” Don’t you hate those voices?
I must confess that even though I’m not an applicant, I have had my own voices to battle. The SOAR! Scholarship is my own leap of faith. ‘Can we pull something this big together? Will it grow into what I envision? Will women respond? Will they hear my heart?’ They are all the doubts that you run through, just a different scenario. And yes, they have become more and more loud as this deadline has approached. Yesterday morning I got up extra early to get a head start on my day. I did my workout and before leaving the gym, I decided to sit upstairs and write my morning pages.
I heard someone behind me messing with one of the elliptical machines. I turned around and saw this man standing there, he was looking at me, and so I turned around and kept writing—choosing to ignore him. In that split second I had a weird feeling, but I was at the gym of all places. And then I heard the sound of someone urinating. I turned around, and he had opened up his pants, exposing everything to me, and was looking right at me as he peed all over the equipment. Insane, right? Disgusting…violating.
I went downstairs, told the front desk. They confronted the man. He didn’t act senile or overly medicated. He wasn’t a homeless guy who had wandered in. Instead, he was a member. And he was angry and offended by what he was being accused of. They came back to me and said that there wasn’t much they could do but have me fill out a report for their records. Since a staff member had not witnessed the incident, it was my word against his. He was allowed to keep exercising. …I had been here before. This felt to familiar. How was I not supposed to feel like they believed him since they were letting him stay?
I’ve been through the sexual assault court system enough to know that if nothing else, we can report the incident to the police so there is a record. The staff called the police, and I waited in the office for over an hour. There are these big glass windows in the office where you can look out on the basketball courts and upper level. The track is on the upper level. There he was–walking the track. Doing his exercise instead of being asked to leave. I had been here before.
In that next hour, I went through a myriad of flashbacks. Almost twenty years ago, I was raped by a student on campus. I had reported it to the police, but lack of evidence kicked the case out of court. He was allowed to enroll back into classes. As he stalked me for nine months, the college continued to say, “There were no other witnesses. There is nothing we can do.”
As I was waiting for the police, one of the gym employees came in at his defense. She told me that this man had been a gym member for years. She had never seen or heard of him being inappropriate. His medication, if he was taking any, was probably getting the better of him. She walked away without asking me once how I was.
I had been here before. This felt to familiar.
The man left when he was done working out. The gym said they didn’t know if they could discontinue his membership. Hard to prove what happened—even though there was urine all over the equipment. The police finally showed up. The officer talked to me outside. I told him what happened, and he looked at me and said, “I believe you.” Those three words almost undid me. I told them I would testify. They took my information, and I left.
I left the scene, but I had not left that familiar place. That place where all my power seems to disappear. Brian met me. I looked at him and said, “Why did I sit upstairs by myself? I should have known better.” With passion in his eyes, he said, “No Me Ra. That is not the voice of truth. You’ve spent to many years battling that voice to let it have a say now. This was not your fault. You didn’t invite this.”
He was right. That voice of unworthiness had crept right in and was now speaking for me. How fast it happens.
I came home, laid down on the bed, and Blaze came and snuggled with me. I had all these great plans for the day. Plans to help promote SOAR! even more—with a dozen different ideas. I felt like yesterday was our biggest viral day to promote SOAR! before Monday. And now the day was lost to something like this.
The house was quiet. The kids were at rock climbing club. I lit a candle. It was a red candle that my business coaches gave me last Spring. They told me to light it when I needed to remind myself of the light in the darkness—the power of that single light that is gentle, but ever present—that single light that is in me. The power of Feminine Wisdom.
I felt like I had lost the day. But in the quiet of this moment, as I write to you, I know that this isn’t true. There is a light inside of me that cannot be put out. I know this because of all the trauma I have had to endure, the light still shines. I still love at the end of the day. I still laugh. And I still believe that we are all worth more than we could ever know.
I get to write to all of you that are struggling with the voices, the old, familiar, ugly voices. And I get to say, you and I are worth more than what life has thrown at us. You and I are worth more than we could ever imagine. We are capable of more than we ever imagined. We are meant for MORE than we have dared to dream. I believe this with all my heart.
But here is another truth I have found. As I stretch my wings. As I get into position to fly—to take my next leap—a little higher, a little scarier. The voices come alive and things start to happen around me—things that make me scared to jump—to not fly—to never soar. When those things start to happen, when the voices seem to be screaming at me from every direction, when I feel like I have been here before–that this place is all to familiar—I know that I am on the cusp of flying. A shift is about to happen. And all the powers that have come against me know they are powerless. All I need to do is leap.
You can try to close out the voices—just block them out, but I have found that they are still audible until after the leap has happened. I can’t wait for those voices to shut up—or I’ll never leap. I guarantee that if you wait for those voices to shut up, you will NEVER make your video entry for SOAR! And we both don’t want that.
So close your eyes. Picture me standing with you on the ledge. Picture me surrounded by all my familiar places and horrible voices, and I’ll picture you surrounded by all your familiar places and horrible voices. Together, we know how hard this is. How much courage this jump takes. And together, we will leap.
With full confidence in you and myself, I send you all my love and faith this weekend. And I will be looking for your SOAR! Video Entry.
xoxo,
Me Ra
MeRa-
first of all, I just wanted to say “I believe you too”. And I’m so sorry you had to go through that all again.
I just read this post as I sat watching my little guy try to eat his berry applesauce. I have tears dripping off my nose as I wipe him up. He is looking at me with a questioning look on his face. I feel like you were sitting with me and speaking right to my soul. I am one of those women who has waited until the last minute to make my video. My plan was to make it today and edit it tonight before my parents come to celebrate the holidays with us. Now they are calling for a foot of snow so they’ve changed their plans and are coming tonight. So now I have the added stress of having to make another meal, so mow I’m headed out to the store like all the other wackos buying their eggs and milk before the snow comes… Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you for your words this morning. I’ll try to keep them in mind this afternoon when I’m making my video…xo
You are a brave and beautiful woman and you do so much good in this world to help others. I’m really sorry you had that horrible experience at the gym; pathetic how the staff behaved. But you know the truth and that’s what matters. Sooner or later that guy’s horrid behaviour will catch up with him.
Meanwhile, you continue to bring light to the world, through your photography, through your words, through your actions and through your amazing spirit. Thank you for constantly being an inspiration! Wishing you and Brian and your family so much love at Christmas. In the new year, will be applauding as you continue to SOAR!
Tara
xo
Me Ra, I’ve been thinking about you all week long! I hope the gym situation with that guy comes to a swift and positive end, so that you aren’t force to linger with those memories. I can’t believe what some people think they are entitled to, when all along, YOU are the one who is entitled to decency and respect and safety.
I hope today and this weekend is amazing for you. You and Brian and your other SOAR partners have an insane task ahead of you these last few weeks, choosing three women! I don’t envy you THAT decision! 😉
I know those voices. I feel like I battle them every day – the ones that say that I’m not good enough, that there’s always someone more deserving than me, that even if someone mistakenly decided to give me a shot, I’d blow it in the end. That I’m just a bit fat failure and this is a silly phase I am going through, wanting to persue this.
But it’s not. I have to keep telling myself that I need to fight for my dreams, fight for MYSELF. You’ve been a MAJOR source of that encouragement for me over the last 2 years, Me Ra. I think it’s so awesome that you and Brian have been given the inspiration and desire and the resources needed to offer these kinds of opportunities to other people. Whatever happens with my application, I think this is fantastic.
Love you, can’t wait to send you my video.
Me Ra-Hugs to you. I am so very sorry that you had this horrible thing happen. Don’t let it clip those beautiful wings of yours that have given you the strength to soar. I am disappointed in the gym and their attitude. To let this horrible person continue to exercise is inexcusable. To not believe you or support you is beyond belief. I am speechless over that. Having two sons who are police officers, I am proud that this officer said those three words “I believe you”.
What a terrible thing to go through…I’m so sorry that happened. Thank you for being such an inspiration to women everywhere.
For those entering the contest but are a little scared…one of my favorite quotes is the Special Olympics athlete oath (my brother competed when he was young and I always loved it):
“Let me win. But if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt.”
Good luck to everyone!!
Me Ra, are you a fan of Sara Groves? She has a wonderful song that your post reminds me of. Some of the lyrics are “In the girl there’s a room. In the room there’s a table. On the table there’s a candle and it won’t burn out. It won’t burn out.”
I continue to pray for quick resolution for this as well and for your continued healing. May He lift you up and provide a strength that only He can.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, for your strength, transparency and wisdom. And for your candle — it won’t burn out!
Me Ra, thanks for sharing this. I know all too well that feeling when the fear grabs you in the pit of your stomach, and then the “If only I hadn’t…” or “Why did I do that…” that come later. I’m SO glad Brian was there to remind you that it was not your fault in any way, nor did you invite it in any way. We don’t always understand why things happen, especially horrible things, but I pray that God will continue to give you strength and courage, and remind you of his wonderful, healing, restorative love.
I, too, have been holding off on submitting my video… all for “valid” reasons, but mostly because it’s terrifying to say “YES”. Yes, I’m worthy. Yes, I can do it. Yes, it’s my dream of dreams. Yes, I deserve it. Yes, it fits with my call to live a life pursuing justice. Yes, I can be more than just average. Yes, I can soar.
But I’m going to go pick up my friend’s camcorder today. Right now, as soon as I finish writing this. And I’m going to film this weekend… even though we’re expecting a huge snowstorm, even though we’re moving from our rental into our new house, even though we’re getting ready to fly back to Seattle on Tuesday, even though, even though, even though. I’m going to do it, and say YES! with open arms.
Thank you for sharing your journey – the good and the bad. So many times, healing starts by hearing someone else speak their own story… and how even through immense pain, they find the courage to keep going. Thanks for being that for so many people. I hope you find joy today, and things that YOU can hold your arms wide open to and say “YES!”
I believe you.
All too many times I feel that right when I’m on the verge of doing something great voices and people seem to distract me also. I know that this is because when you are on a straight path and are positive there is always something that wants you to go the other way.
We all just have to tell ourselves that this a test and that we are meant for greatness and continue our journey in life.
I told myself also that I was going to put up my video but once again I am being sidetracked.
Having 7 children is a lot of work but amazingly it isn’t them its me who is distracting myself. I don’t know what it is, maybe it is fear of failure. I don’t think that I will fail, know I know that I won’t fail because this opportunity is here and it is being given to me by someone who is truly positive.
So I have told myself that I am going to get this scholarship, I am worth it. I will soar to amazing heights with this opportunity.
Thanx Me Ra
me ra, i’m crying right now. thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. you are an incredible woman who is worth everything she has.
thank you.
Me Ra,
Thank you for sharing your story of what happened, in the past and just the other day. It brought me to tears and I know it would have even before this week. But just this week, I chose to believe a little girl’s story, made the right calls and now she can have a safe Christmas. I know she will carry scars and pain from her last five years, but I am continually praying that she will become a strong woman who can help others that have gone through the same experience.
So thank you for being so open and transparent and giving us each the courage to soar.
With tears streaming… I often wonder how at exactly the right time do you deliver such beauitful and much needed posts? Truly. The voices inside our heads… they’re powerful. Yesterday was all to familiar to me as well… my anxiety flarred up… the same anxiety that held me down for over a year a few years ago…. kept me inside… afraid to leave the house…. that took me into a colorless period of my life… filled with depression. I can’t even tell you how much I love that Wisdom Connection gave you a candle to light to remind you of your light in the midst of all of the darkness… powerful Very, very powerful… and a beautiful reminder of your spirit.
Thank you for sharing so many parts of who you are Me Ra.
xoxo
Me Ra, you are a bright light to us all. It’s one thing to put a polished image out to the world, and quite another to bare your heart. But by being authentic you have touched something in many women, myself included. You took something ugly and used it as a stepping stone to climb higher, that more of us can hear you.
I am not financially in need of a scholarship, so I’m not participating in the challenge. Your words inspire me to tackle my other projects though, and I hope to meet you some day.
Me Ra, sometimes we always wonder why is god testing us? When you have such wonderful things happening in you life, something unexplainable happens. I am thankful that you had the courage and voice to say this isnt right and he shouldnt be left to continue. My prayers are with you. Just one more reason why you are an inspiration to us all.
Sorry you had to witness and then continue with your day effected. I would be glad to know that someone would do that at a place that I worked out at. I would never go there again and make sure that EVERYONE would be informed of what had happened. If you hadn’t been there, he may never have been caught and unsuspecting people would just assume it was sweat and work out on the equipment. I hope they do a DNA, but they probably won’t, but you can use your internet skills to turn this around. Good luck with your project.
Me Ra,
I believe you too! What a strong woman you are. Courage is doing the right thing at the right time. You truly did are courageous.
Thank you so much for posting this. I submitted my video last night and instantly regretted it. It wasn’t “creative ” enough, should have redone (but don’t have the time due to a workshop this weekend, work, holidays), the transitions weren’t right, I should have taken a different direction, I don’t know enough about photography and video yet, everyone else’s is better- esp. the Brady Bunch one (holy crap well done!!!), etc. Good to know I’m not alone.
Peace and light,
Morgyn
Today, this brought me to my knees. Made my cry. Thank you, for so many reasons.
I believe you too.
I am so, so sorry that your day went like that. Those voices, they are wrong. You are so good. The fact that you even had the idea much less the guts to pursue putting SOAR out there for us shows me that. You give so much to so many and you deserve every good thing that comes to you.
That was a beautifully written post that really touched my heart.
Wow, it amazes me what we have to endure sometimes. This Soar Scholarship is just what you need right now to help you get past this violation.
Thank you for your encouraging words. They are exactly what I needed to hear today!
There is so much I could say… but just know that I believe you and I am so sorry for the reminder of a past pain… I deal with that kind of stuff daily and this has been the hardest year of my entire life, but I stand with you in overcoming these dark voices and taking back what God has given each of us. Take Care my friend!
Oh my goodness! What an ordeal for you to have! So glad you have Brian to lean on! Your beautiful children to snuggle with. How blessed you are!
Thank you for sharing this! For encouraging all the people you do!
I believe that God uses everything that happens to us and forms us into better people who are able to help so many others. I am so sorry for all the many bad things that have happened in your life. I am so thankful that you are a voice! An encouragement to SOOO many!
Thank you for being real! My church’s slogan is “a place for real people”. So perfect for all of us hurting, imperfect people!
Thank you for all you do!!
Not only do you have an amazing way with words and conveying your spirit, you are truly in touch with your readers. Why do we always feel alone in our feelings? As if we’re the only ones afraid, alone, and unworthy. I’m excited to see the three individuals you choose for this scholarship. If they’re half as amazing as you we’re in for a real treat.
Me Ra,
I’m not sure why but it always seems like when something wonderful is about to happen – there always seems to be things (events, people, etc.) along the way that try to throw us off course… This creep could have affected your entire week and beyond that, but you took the power away from him by sharing your story with us! Thank you so much!
I know what you mean about the voices of self-doubt – it seems to me like they are there at every transition – before, during and even sometimes after. It reminds me of the scene in a cartoon/movie – when there is a “good” angel and a “bad” angel on someone’s shoulder only in my case the “bad” angel is self-doubt”. The “good” angel is the cheerleader – trying to convince me that I can succeed…
Me Ra, I too am sitting here with tears running down my face feeling like you are seeing right through me. After more than a week of doubting and worrying (and hearing those voices, absolutely) I finally submitted my video at 3:00 this morning and it is such a wonderful feeling to know that I did it! I’m just so glad that you have it in your heart to know exactly what each of us is feeling as we make this incredible leap of faith. I’m so sorry for your struggle yesterday and I’m so proud of you for not backing down! It is such a gift to have come across your spirit in this world. Thank you.
one question for those that did not believe your words…….where did they think the urine came from…….not only is this scary, think of the health risks……of course you did the right thing, and feel good that you did the correct thing by reporting him, it would have been easier to just turn and walk out, but that would not be the right path to take. Feel at peace.
I am joining all the other women who are crying right now. I didn’t have a lot of time this morning but I looked quickly to see if you posted any thing new and now I am glad I took a few minutes to read your post. I am so sorry you had to endure all of that yesterday, but you have used that situation for the good, to encourage all women to speak up and be heard even if some will not listen. I spent all of yesterday filming my video and will spend this weekend editing it in the middle of all the Christmas hubbub. Your words have encouraged me to keep going forward and to not give up even if it is not me who wins. This has been a great experience for me already to push myself and to define what I really want out of life. Thank you for listening to that quiet voice within, it is a beautiful voice.
May you and Brian and your two children have a very Merry Christmas!
You are an amazing woman. I have so many things to say that come to mind, but for some reason, those five words is all that I can type. You are an amazing woman.
Mera,
I wanted to let you know that you are an amazing and STRONG woman. I have been in a place similar to yours 20 years ago. While I am better and feel healed from it all, sometimes the most random and unexpected occurrence will throw me off BIG time. Once I realize the power the situation still can have over me I FIGHT back hard and I walk away feeling strong. Strong for making the decision to fight off the emotions. Strong from continuing on with my head held high.
Brian was so right. You did not invite this in. This is creepy. Thank you for speaking up so that maybe it will not happen to another woman.
Love,
Steph Mason
Good Morning, Me Ra,
When I read your Tweet yesterday I immediately prayed for you, but I had no idea the extent of what you were dealing with, not being believed. I am so sorry your dignity had to suffer further at the hands of the gym staff. I do hope you write them a letter, or something. He should at a minimum have been asked to leave for the time being until the police had finished their investigation. I thought that times had changed and women were respected, but I guess not yet, even by fellow women…
I will keep praying for you, and your family. You’re kind of like our coach, and what affects you, affects all of us.
Much love,
Elise
Me Ra,
I BELIEVE YOU!!! Thank you for opening yourself up and sharing. What a great way to turn a negative experience into a positive one (encouraging other women) You are so great Me Ra, thanks for the reminder to let our light shine and thank you for sharing your gifts with us!!
Me Ra;
I’m so grateful for women like you who will not allow these violations to go unnoticed. I think about that happening to my younger sister- shy, reserved, unassertive- and how badly that would hurt her. By speaking up you are protecting all of us. No matter what the staff says, a written police report, while perhaps not the action that is deserved, is no joke. Truly, thank you.
Thank you so much for all your encouraging and loving words today. You are all so special to me.
I wanted to update all of you with some good news. Brian just got off the phone with the Director at the gym. The gym has cancelled this man’s membership and will be supporting us if we need to do any thing more in court. It took everything in Brian not to “react” at the gym yesterday, but we both felt like we needed to give it a day. I’m so glad we did b/c they made their own decision, and it wasn’t based on our emotions. And that feels really good.
Thank you for praying. I know your prayers make all the difference. And seriously, isn’t it amazing how this has made us all more strong and more determined. We will SOAR! together.
xoxo
p.s. Exciting news is going to be announced about SOAR! today on my Twitter feed. Are you following me on Twitter? Sign up now. And also, search #SOAR on Twitter to see the growing conversations.
Wow! with tears streaming down my face, thank you for sharing MeRa. Through the midst of something crazy, you continue to touch lives!
THANK YOU!
I have to admit, it was hard to read this post. But once I did, I read it again. And again.
I am trembling with emotion right now, both at your experience yesterday and at your willingness to lift others up.
I have no more words. Just tears.
Peace to you today.
Oh MeRa. It makes you wonder what is wrong in this world sometimes. I had a bad day too yesterday (I posted on my FB about my daughter’s piano teacher). Sometimes this world can shake you to your core.
Thinking about you…
I am so sorry this all happened to you. This blog post was so touching and inspiring, especially as somebody who has dealt with assault three times already and constantly hears (and concedes to) the voices of doubt- “reason”, I call it, even though I know it’s not reason.
I hate the reaction you had that you shouldn’t have been there. I kept getting sexually harassed at my old job and I kept saying, “I shouldn’t have worn this outfit. I know better.” And when the person I thought to be my best friend held me hostage nine years ago, I thought, “I shouldn’t have stayed with him after everybody else left.” But it’s not us. You can’t make somebody assault you. You can’t encourage that decision. That decision was already made.
The only thing we have to do is listen to our gut. Heed the warnings of our intuition. But that becomes harder when those warnings are the same ones that keep us from soaring. 🙁
Thanks for sharing your story. *hugs*
MeRa, I also believe you. Once again, you seem to have come away from a trying experience an even better person. Thank you for your inspiring words. The voices were SCREAMING at me as after I submitted my own video, I began watching the others that were posted. Wow, everything you wrote fit what I was thinking to a tee. Thank you for your encouragement, I needed it today. Thanks for giving us all the opportunity and the confidence to take this leap of faith.
Mera, wow~ can not even imagine, and how powerful it is you channel in to your inner strength to not only overcome your worst fears but to also to help us to overcome ours, thank you for caring for us, your readers and followers, to put people you do not even know in first place, God bless you
Me Ra,
Thank you for all your words of encouragement, your honest truth, and sharing that horrible incident. While reading this, I felt betrayed for you. What was that guy thinking, and how come the staff members acted that way!? I know those questions cannot be answered, but you did not deserve that, and “I believe you too”. You inspire me to want to succeed, and believe in my hopes and dreams. I promise to work on my video this week…block out those voices, and just go for it!
Me Ra,
I think you are a VERY strong woman. Standing up in the face of other people disbelieving, as you already know, is amazingly difficult. A man like that probably has done this before, and if not stopped will do it again. It unfortunately takes strong women as yourself to come forward and say they are not going to stand for it! Sometimes I let others get me down, and I ask myself “Why me”. Being a strong woman myself, I like to answer myself that it happened to me so that I could stop another person who may not be as strong from going though it. I truly hope that he is stopped, I truly hope that you are not need to be put into a situation like that again, but I am so happy that you are who you are and can help when you do!
~
Me Ra-
Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities with us. Although making the video for the Soar! scholarship was uncomfortable in the way that letting others see your true dreams always is, it was made easier by the fact that the person to receive each video is you. Thank you for treating our dreams with so much care, respect, and encouragement, and for letting us be a part of your dreams, too.
Looks like you need a new gym, CrossFit Tacoma is waiting for you.
Me Ra,
This post brought me to tears. I am so proud of the way that you handled an incredibly violating experience- thank you for standing up for yourself, for speaking your truth, for standing for all the other women in the world by reporting the incident to the police, for hearing Brian when he reminded you that it was not your fault and that you had not invited this.
I was molested as a child and then raped as a teenager. I believe that they (and all traumas) were and are opportunities for me to claim myself, claim my truth and take a stand. I will not be bowed or quietened, I will not lie silent in the dark, I will stand in the light and be heard.
Much love to you sister. Thank you for all that you do in the world, and thank you for encouraging us all to ignore the voices of fear and leap!
Let’s SOAR ladies.
MeRa,
You are an amazing woman doing amazing things that God has called you to do.
That is when the enemy strikes the hardest and does he ever know where and how to strike to knock us down and take us out. I am praying for you this evening. You should be proud if the enemy feels the need to strike you like this. You are soooo doing exactly what you should be doing.
There is a song I immediately thought of as I read this post by Crystal Lewis called More. I am gifting it to you through itunes to the email address on your FaceBook info page.
I just know it will minister to you.
I will continue to pray for you.
Unbelievable…What immediately came to mind is “What the enemy means for evil, God will use for good.” This seems to be a strong theme in your life. MeRa- I am so sorry for the horrible violation you endured yesterday. I wish it had never happened. I have lit a candle, said a prayer and now I am groping at the cliff before me. The voices are deafening, but I can see the light flickering above. The edge seems so high but I choose to ignore the condemning voices and spend the day reaching, climbing and striving with all my might as I put the final touches on my Soar application video. I post this as a way of holding myself accountable…my first step before leaping! I will never soar if I never leap…so here’ to leaping!
I believe you too! How awful! how did you know I woke up today hearing those voices? Thinking maybe it is too hard or that it is too late, but no. I won’t give in and I will make my video today because I feel like I really do deserve a break like this. Thank you for this opportunity!
MeRa, what a great post! That evil little voice always manages to creep into my head, I pushed through and got the video in and yet I still hear it. I’m sitting at my dad’s house in Michigan, miles and miles from home and am surrounded by little voices & thankfully I decided to sit down this afternoon to catch up on my “blog reading” and you had this post. Thank you so much for being a constant light, a positive inspiring voice for all of us who sometimes get bogged down by the darkness. Thank You!
That is just crazy! It is amazing what people think and actually DO get away with. I also understand the little voices, they are tough to get through. I am trying to teach my daughter this now, she is 11 and sometimes other people and that nagging voice get the best of her. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy for believing the way that I do and am glad to find out that others are out there like myself, fighting to take flight, ignoring the voices and standing up to the fear. Congrats for pushing through the ordeal and not giving up for what you thought should result!
MeRa, thank you for sharing your heart with all of us. It is great to feel so connected to others with our struggles. My one thought is that SOAR must be something really special and will change peoples lives for the better because the “enemy” of this world is throwing a bunch at you just before the launch. Remember…”greater is He who is me (you), than he who is in the world.” Your strength is a testimony to this and I know from your writings who you give the glory to. Can’t wait to see the winners of SOAR and to see how they will SOAR thanks to you and your partners.
I want to know what if feels like to SOAR…I get excited goosebumps every time I think about completing the application as well as a fear of what if it does happen!!! Your post is very timely as I put off my video! thank you for opening your heart and beng an inspiration.
I’ve been so sick – my throat is on fire, so when i saw this post I thought “oh, I cant read this now, my theraflu is kicking in, ill come back to it” — Im so sorry I didnt leave a comment or get to read this until now.
HOW AWFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!! When I was fourteen I went to burger king across from school by myself before having to go back to school for some club and someone has exposed himself to me then — I remember being so shocked and offended and horrified that I ran back to school crying the whole way. I never told anyone. You were good to go to the desk, to call the police and to report him.
There is good and bad in this world, and MeRa, you are SO GOOD. I think thats why so many people are drawn to you. You have had bad things happen to you and you have delt with more that you should have had to. You have had people work against you and after all that, you’re still GOOD.
How could they have not believed you? YOU were a witness, isn’t that enough? And the evidence on the equipment, isn’t THAT evidence enough? How horrible – that makes me so mad.
Yes, the voices drive me crazy. “Get over it and move on” is my loudest voice. But when my passion and love for photography is so srtong, I can’t let it go. When another voice kicks in and says “Your life is something you only get to do once, go for what will make your heart soar.” Thank you for accepting my application.
xoxoxoxoxo
Me Ra,
Yes. I am afraid to leap. The voices are talking to me!
I know what you mean about the little voices…and thank you for sharing your story of your horrible experience at the gym. I can’t imagine what you must have felt. Your husband is right, you didn’t invite it. It was not your fault or anything you did wrong. I wish I could encourage you they way you encourage me when I come to visit your blog 🙂 I feel so uplifted when I leave. I close my eyes and tell myself I am worthey! Then…I let,after a day or two, those little voices creep in. I was so excited about Soar when I first read about it! I thought here is my chance, This is my calling!(I had been feeling for sometime) I can do this!!! I watched some of the videos from the entries. I saw all the other ladies and told myself “they” are more worthey than I.(those little voices!!! ha-ha)
I had just let the whole idea escape my mind. I guess I had decided to just let the deadline pass and not to enter. But after reading your story and thinking of some other things that brought me to your blog, and that I had met one of the fabulous mothers in one of your interview(we are not so far away and actually know some of the same people), and other weird coincedenses that have happened to me. I have decided to think that it is meant to be, win or lose. I should enter.
By the way, I saw an eagle on my way home the other day(Friday the 18th) in a corn field here in Southern Illinois. I Have NEVER seen an eagle in my life in the wild open spaces. Let alone here in Clay County. I went home and got my camera, it was still there. I have pictures!…and…after reading your story last night, it hit me…that eagle was my sign! I am suppose to SOAR like that eagle! I know, go ahead and laugh..he-he..I told my husband this and he just smiled…I think he thinks I am crazy too! ha-ha…I don’t have a video camera. My son has a flip camera. I am going to try to make a video today…thanks for all the encouragement you give to all us ladies(and men) to pursue our dreams! “I am worthey! I am worthey! Iam worthey!!!”
God bless you and your family this holiday season and always!
Me Ra,
I just read this and couldn’t possibly NOT leave a comment. The vulnerability it takes to share on this level really shows how honest and pure your heart is towards empowering women. That is what resonates with me about you…and I am grateful to connect with you even on this level. Your voice is strong and impactful because you are authentic. Thank you.
Me Ra,
Your feminine wisdom lights a light in all of us! Keep that light lit. Today is the day of the Solstice. The light is returning, it is a time of turning, finding confidence, remembering who we are and what matters, really matters. On this day, we join you – we’re imagining a circle of women joining you – and each of us loving and affirming the wise woman in you and in each other. Ohhh, that feels good.
Know what? You ARE the wise feminine leaders we’ve been waiting for….and through taking exquisite photographs and building highly successful and sustainable businesses you are creating the world you want to leave for our children and their children.
With deep respect, Karen and Fay
Dear Me Ra,
I saw the link for the SOAR scholarship (just a few days before the deadline) in a email news letter from NAPP. My heart immediately did a flip inside of me as I thought of how wonderful it would be to win a scholarship program like this.
However, since that first viewing of the SOAR program, I have been second-guessing my ability to enter and had just about convinced myself that I could not enter.
However, after reading the blog you posted on this day, December 18th, my eyes filled with tears and I decided then and there to just close my eyes and take the leap. Your words of encouragement have inspired me to step out of my comfort zone and take a step toward fulfilling my Life-Dream.
Our family had a serious tragedy in December of 2005, when we lost our only beloved son in a tragic car accident. Together with the police department, detectives, hundreds of family & friends, helicopters and the California Highway Patrol, we searched frantically for our son…He left for work early on the stormy morning of December 2…but never arrived. It was CalTrans Highway workers that found pieces of the blue Camaro leading down a ravine, (they had been given one of the missing posters by one of the detectives on the case) The workers called the detective and we were nearby searching through the foothills along highway 49…it took hours for a dive team to hook up the car and pull what was left of it out of the water. The highway patrol told us that Our son had fallen asleep at the wheel, and barely missed the guard rail, gone down the ravine, hit a large oak tree and the car went on to the bottom and was submerged under 8 feet of water. That is why the aerial searches by helicopter could not locate the car….Four long days of searching led to such a heart-rending find…Our lives…our family…our hearts were shattered in a million pieces…
Since then, I have struggled just to make it through each and every day – just to breathe has taken great effort at times…but after reading your words of encouragement, I have found the courage to try and live again…in honor of my son’s zest for life and for my beautiful daughter so she can have her mother back, and for my wonderful husband, who deserves to have back the same wife he married 26 years ago…
Thank you for reaching out to other women, for offering words of advice and encouragement….for offering the SOAR scholarship program…your words have changed my life!
Sincerley,
Susan Reynolds
I have a lump in my throat, that feeling when your chest can barely contain the pounding of your heart. Your courage Me Ra is so encouraging- continuing to keep your power in situations that try to render you powerless, inspiring with your honesty, and your continued strength and will to keep moving forward in spite of situations that try to set you back. It’s a nice reminder to know that those old feelings and dark places no longer belong, they have been worked through and they no longer have a home within you. I will continue to pray that there is a white light of love and strength that surrounds you~
p.s. I think I knew I was most ready to SOAR when I couldn’t quiet the voice within me that said I HAD TO submit a video!
xo
Dear Susan Reynolds,
I just read your comment above mine and my heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry for your loss. What amazing courage you must have to continue to fight to live each day in a way that would honor your son. Wishing you many blessings in your quest to SOAR~
Warmly,
Carrie Hasson
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